Oh I am terribly sorry.. I wish everyone of you had a happy Christmas

-and will hopefully have an unforgettable, super awesome New Year :)

I visited my grandmother during Christmas. She's at a clinic cause she fell and can't walk anymore.. I really miss having her cooking and knitting. But she is healthy and that's what matters. I visited my cousins, too. But that is not important.

I am officially afraid of holiday dinners. I had so many of them, and there are more to come. Italian cuisine means three things to all the other people: pasta-pizza-gelato

but one thing to me: NIGHTMARE. And the worst is that I like pizza and I like pasta and I like gelato and everyone knows that so I can't hide. But just thinking all the remorse when I fly back home, and my scale (really who believed I could possibly reach 55? it's going to take many more months I guess..) I could just have another of those headaches. We don't want that.

Anyway my next post would be the New Year's resolutions, but I believe it will be around 4-5 of January so stay tuned! I wish all of you and your families well!

Goodnight *

Non fat, non caffeine, soya milk..

We are about to go pick my sister up from the airport.. finally! luckily her flight wasn't cancelled, cause heathrow is going crazy lately with all that snow and ice..

Hmm let's see..since my last post some things have changed: I visited my summer house and saw my dog (oh she has gone big!), highlighted my hair -that copper colour which makes my light brown hair just tiny bit of red-ish. Oh, and got a little "present". Valmane. That is valerian extract, small white crazy pills.. my mom told a doctor about my non-stop head aching and she gave her the pills. Now I am officially crazy, I know this is pure natural but oh well.

I am more calm now..I don't know if the pills are working, probably three per day will do something but I am calm and smiling. I don't want to cry again.. I stopped the massive eating too, so maybe I can look normal until Christmas Day. I mean not loose, but de-bloat (?).

Can me and my dog look like that? nah, actually my dog is prettier

.. so could it just be me?

I think I disappeared enough. I am home, it's a lovely Sunday morning and I'm drinking my black mocha flavoured coffee alone. After what happened yesterday my parents decided they better not be here when I wake up. They succeeded.

We love each other but we just can't get along nicely lately. My sister pointed out that I have become much more sensitive than I was and it's killing me. I agree. She's coming on Wednesday.. I cannot wait.

In other news, I get really moody. I have accepted the fact that I'm not getting down on 55 by New Year's Eve. Maybe I can put that to my resolutions cause it seems harder and harder. Oh I'm such a looser when it comes to weight loss..and not in a good way. Really not.

Anyway I should probably end this post.

It's not that I have something to inspire you. We'll talk soon :)

Love me any less

I really thought about this post several times today. Didn't really want to make one. By the end of the day I changed my mind another hundred times, so here I am on the bed ready to sleep.

Today was a lonely day, driving lesson, getting my hair straightened and just watching tv aching in pain cause of my stomach. I wasn't feeling okay, but agreed to go out with E for lunch at 7pm just cause we both leave tomorrow for our home towns.. We went to a nice restaurant that makes a really nice and plain steak but they were already closing so we went for pasta instead. I ordered salmon pasta (yes, I was freaked out to eat pasta two days in a row) and literally ate three bites, no cheese added. Then I started playing with it and kept talking about what I will be doing when I get home. She asked me three times if I have noticed I haven't eaten any of my food and just avoided to answer..

I am not okay, I feel lonely. A couple of minutes ago, as I was brushing my teeth I thought about my New Year's resolutions. I thought that last year I had 5 and achieved 4.5 and I was so happy, or I thought I was.

So just then I thought maybe my goal for 2011 will be to make everything it takes to feel happy for more than a week. In a row. Yes, I probably would go for that.

I'll let you know..

If I could be sweet?

I didn't sleep as much as I would have wanted, cause we had a Genetics quiz..what a busy week before Christmas! I then went with one of my friends to a toy's store and bought 3 fridge magnets and white christmas lights to put at my house so it can look like holidays. I liked them, I think they are staying all year round!

So then I had a driving lesson (oh, after 1.5 weeks I couldn't remember much -oups!), cleaned my house from all the mess and here I am! I had 2 cups of tea and 2 of coffee during the day, one banana and the tiniest plate filled with plain pasta -no cheese, just tomato oil free sauce. I am kinda hungry but there is no point eating because I will soon go to sleep. Happy about that, too!

So my sister told me to choose a coloured iPhone case so that could be her xmas present to me. I honestly have no idea of such things, so I googled it and found something called iSkin that has lots of them. I am between the Solo FX blue, red and purple. If anyone of you know what I am talking about, please help me choose. Oh, and the iPhone is black so it would be much darker colour. Not that it's super important, I don't care about the colour as long as it's not ORANGE -you know how much I hate that colour..

On Thursday I'm flying home :)

christmas holidays, but exams start after that so there will be some studying. I wouldn't say a lot though cause it's Christmas haha.

probably the best thing is that the shop on the ground floor offered to take care of my fish! oh, how relieved I am! I hope they love him as much as I do so that he would be alive and swimming when I get back..

love that photo, not sure why though

Down, what?

Please tell me you still remember who I am.. I find that myself quite difficult right now though. But let me explain.. I had a Powerpoint presentation and an essay about the same topic that were due today. My team didn't really care so I was super nervous as you all witnessed last week.. so we got everything together this weekend, studied for 18 hours straight at Sunday (1 pm till Monday morning at 6.30, when we emailed our essay), and then slept till 10 am when we got back together to make the powerpoint slides for the presentation....

that was C R A Z Y

I couldn't function when we finally went to university, but when our presentation time came, we got everything nice and smooth (with some stupid mistakes of course) but we were told our essay was "perfect" -and the first one to come to professor's inbox (obviously).

I am so happy this nightmare was for a good result!

We passed the essay and got full points!

So of course I have NO other news, for two days Ecology was my whole life, so please forgive me about that. I promise a nice post tomorrow..

I'm going to sleep a.s.a.p

Missed you all*

A good morning

Hmm after an hour of crying like a baby on the phone to my sister who is at London (sorry for the bill, sister), 6 chocolate cookies, four cups of hot tea and 2 more of just boiled water I finally managed to calm down.

I also found a bath soap with cherry blossoms that is calming enough so I had a bath too. I slept quite well, dreaming of nightmares about the presentation (I have got to calm down!) and waking up in the middle of the night at some guy that played the guitar outside of my window..

Today's plan is: one cup of coffee with 4 hazelnuts for breakfast, then going at university to work on that presentation, then chicken salad (400cals) for lunch and then if I'm hungry after yoga, some boiled broccoli. It's a good start I think. I have only a week left till I fly to my home town, so there's not much I can do but I will try.

My whole body is in pain because of yoga and because my period is about to come (yes, all the crying has something to do with hormones too).

In order to make me feel better, my sister said she went to Topshop for me and got me some new undies (I love Topshop undies), a nice lace top, and that she is going to give me her iphone, cause she is switching to 4. Now this is a phone I would never buy for myself, so I'm happy that she's giving me her old one.

*My sister is the only person in the world I know who truly loves me and wants to make me happy no matter what. When we were little, my mom tells us, that whenever she was yelling at me, my sister would just feel nauseated and throw up.

Thank you for all the support girls. I feel very lucky to have you.

the left one is so skinny, so stylish, so happy

..so perfect

I guess I have to make a post. I mean I need to make one, but I don't have the motivation right now, to motivate myself to motivate you.

BUT there are questions to be answered and I miss you so much..

So my fish is eating again but I still don't know anyone who is staying here the entire holidays so he/she can take it.. I'm so afraid about what will happen.

I watched Inception two days ago. I really liked it, I thought it was so clever! And Ellen Page is a very good actress (saw her on Hard Candy a few days ago too), very expressing.

Some of you may not have seen it yet -you should totally rent it!- so I'm not going to say what I thought the end was.. I will definitely see it again!

*but I am so embarrassed to say it seemed to me like Matrix, even though I have only seen one of them .. :p

In other news, I went to yoga last night, liked it and now I'm going to the university.

I wouldn't care

I am living in a madness.

At university today there was a huge mess, I really didn't care about the problem that existed. They are all being unreasonable and I won't be part of it just because the majority wants to mess everything up.

We have a presentation next Monday (less than a week) and we haven't even started. Oh, how mad I am..I really would prefer to do it myself than be THIS nervous until Monday.

In addition to that, I'm leaving for my hometown next Thursday and I don't know where my fish is going to go. I mean I can't take him with me, I'm flying there: so no liquids..

Problems, problems, problems..

And what am I doing? Eating pasta. Lol.

I have to get myself together, I really do. I have only two weeks until Christmas. I need super powers to fix everything.

The only thing is that it's starting to get cold! It was about time I think. Of course the lowest we could reach was 15 Celsius degrees but we'll take it.

Oh and last night movie: The Prestige. Love love loved it!

Tonight's movie? Inception.

off for a run at the harbour, I hope you are all doing great!

pure perfection

Sorry I disappeared during the weekend.. I was studying for my theoretical driving exams, feeling angry and depressed for no reason. As a result I didn't study much. Luckily I passed them! You can only make one wrong answer but mine were all correct! I was really lucky because as it turned out I didn't have the second book I needed to study for the exams. My teacher's father was in the hospital and he forgot to tell me about it. Of course I understand, his father is very sick, I hope he does okay..

Anyway.

I'll make a proper post tomorrow, I promise. Oh I saw some movies during the weekend. I watched "When In Rome" and it was kinda boring but I laughed too, "Hard Candy" which I really liked cause I like thrillers (I hate horror films though) and "Sin City" which I -just- liked. Have you seen any of these??

Finally day IS over..

So this is my 200nth post!

I have decided to do another WhatsInMyBag post.. If you want my previous one click here, not much have changed though. I like this posts/videos cause you can see what's important and what silly stuff we carry in our bags. I hope you find it interesting, too :)

OH, before this just let me inform you about my blood tests. They are better than the ones in October and my parents are finally happy about them. Weird thing though, I wasn't really pleased to be healthy.. and that really worries me. But oh, well. Now I can focus on my weight loss without them getting into the way.

Today was a horrible day. My previous post kinda describes it. So I decided to cheer up myself the evil way. I'm embarrassed to tell you that I fed and fed and fed myself until I was way than full. That really cheered me up (highest amount of sugar in your body does wonders sometimes) and made it to yoga class. I walked to and from the gym and also had 15mins on the elliptical. It doesn't make up for the mess I made earlier but no panic attack tonight, so I'm good. Not great.

I am trying to think it was only ONE day and that tomorrow I can continue my Rome Diet..

On to the purpose of the post.

Here's a picture of my bag turned inside out. Such a mess!

So you can see my home keys, my key chain is from Camden Town in London from the sweetest chinese girl who made these little dolls, my glasses I only wear at university and when I'm driving (I choose to be blind most of the times, cause I don't like them much). A pen, my lipstick, a lighter although I don't smoke but we use them in Biochemistry labs. My cellphone and mp3 (which is so lame, don't EVER buy it), my pink pills, a hand cream and my Chanel spray perfume, my silver purse (money, ID, starbucks-gym-tickets card, etc), my notebook and this lovely purse I keep tissues, tampons and other sanitary things.

So there you go! What's in your bag? if you make that kind of post -and you should totally do- please leave the link in your comment so we can all see it :)

Number 27.

Goodmorning

Sorry I didn't post last night but I was having a panic attack and just couldn't handle anything. I have bitten my nails, oh they look so horrible. Just a little history, I haven't bitten my nails like that since I was 16. That is four years, thank you very much.

That is the reason why I have always nail polish on. But yesterday nothing stopped me. And I really wonder why...

Anyway, I had my blood tests this morning. It was torture to wake up at 8 but I made it and this evening the results will be out. Let's see..

I hope you are all lot better than me.

I'm really trying to cheer myself up. Oh, and scale is still 57.5 so no news with that.

love the outfit*

How fake are they?

In my last post I was asked a really nice question from *Broken*. She said:

"I have a question, why is your blog named like that? It intrigues me."

well you gotta give a name to your blog right? So I kept thinking about a year ago ad finally came up with that title. I have sleeping problems as long as I can remember..so all these sleepless hours in bed instead of counting sheep (how many sheep can you count all these years?) I started making up memories. Stories of what should have happened that day, etc.. Since I was about 15 my stories began to start with that same sentence:

"well, I'm skinny and happy.."

So there you go: Fake.Fading.Memories.

Today I couldn't wake up. My muscles were aching but my scale showed 57.5 so I was beyond happy. My driving lesson went good and I went back to my house to cook. I am one terrible terrible cook! Anyway I couldn't eat the meat so now I'm so hungry.. I decided to post than eat and force myself to the yoga class. My social life has once again drown. I don't want to go outside and already turned down one invitation for coffee. Boo me. I'll go to the gym instead. But weirdly enough that doesn't make me feel better today..

ugh I better end this post now or it wont be pleasant.

All of you take care*

hungry as you may be, look at THIS !

No one left.

Today was a "me" day.. I didn't want to talk to anybody and just sat there at class without saying a word. It feels weird even for me how my mood switches from on to off to completely mad for no reason to suicidal. I can only imagine how freak-ish I look to people around me..

I had another driving lesson. I am up to 10 and have another 10 to complete it. That means my exams are after Christmas, along with my university exams. Diet went okay for Day 1. I started at 58. Again. Wow that 58 will never disappear.. but I'm optimistic and don't even know why. The meat I baked was really -like really- hard to chew but that made me full.

I have a small headache but I don't worry yet. To keep myself busy and away from the kitchen I did something I haven't done for so long. I ironed my underwear. Lol. I hate ironing but at that time it sounded better than Genetics I.

I will probably sleep early tonight. E wants to come for a movie. Why not? I really don't want to go out tonight, avoid any alcohol or food. We will see..

Question: what is one thing that you feel "naked" without?

-funny but I always have my hand's nails painted so without nail polish I feel really weird.

What about you?

Rome Diet

Second post for the day.

I am so glad you all loved the bikini thinspo! It's the first NovemberDecember when I don't feel like a freak just because I'm freaking out for bikini season. That's because last year this time I didn't have this blog and all of you :)

Thank you for letting me realise I'm not (that) crazy!

Love you aLL*

Of course you have noted that my titles don't respond to my posts. Well this time it's not that: Rome Diet. It's not actually until New year's just because on the 16th I'm flying home so I won't be allowed not to eat. That shortens it out to 17 days. And then we'll see..

So! I'm letting you know what I will stick up to, just in case you want to follow it. Taken into consideration:

a) my anaemia and the upcoming blood tests

b) my exam studying at uni

I'm following the below plan.

_Breakfast: black coffee, a red apple and 5 hazelnuts for energy. Red apple can be eaten at university instead.

_Lunch: three rice cakes with low fat cheese spread and an apple.

_Dinner: A small piece of oven cooked no oil added meat with a small plate of broccoli.

a cup of orange juice daily along with my pill.

This is according to BBC "Super Slim Me" I recently watched. I added the hazelnuts and the orange juice so it's about 650 cals a day.

The happy part is that if I get to 55 in Rome I have a reward. You can imagine what that would be, cant you? ...oh yes, a brand new wardrobe. And where better to shop than Italy?

and if I reach 55 sharp I promise photos too :)

I need support girls! I cannot make it without you, really.. oh, I measured my waist too, it's 74cm right now. Just posting it to remember it..

If you are interested to follow, let me know by commenting.

believe it or not, this is what I'm aiming for

Psychotic? me?

Goodmorning. It's Monday.

Someone at the radio is asking the audience what name should she name her coming baby boy. Weird. I mean the name should mean something to you and not a completely stranger..

Anyway. I'm drinking black coffee in my Mickey and Minnie Mouse cup. I love that cup, mostly cause it was a gift. Today I begin studying for my exams on February. That means I spend much time at university so less eating. Can't wait! My stomach feels bloated from yesterday's pop corn. We watched "Blow" with Johnnie Depp. It was okay. I got a little sad too.

I really want to take the chance and clean my body today. I want so badly an empty stomach right now.. I hope coffee would help. So I decided since we really don't have winter here (26 Celcius degrees) to post a bikini thinspo.

Cause to look like that when summer comes,

you gotta start working on it NOW

a black suit looks oh, so chic and minimal

some stylish beach girls, I have to admit

very likely this to be a photoshoot but whatever

THIS is perfection.

At night.

Just want to say hi :)

Party at the university, lots of alcohol (vodka oh, yes) lots of people, nothing really interesting though, kinda dizzy...

Didn't like my outfit much, but I was wearing nice underwear and my hair looked good. That's all you need to feel nice, don't you? I let my hair fall down on my shoulders, first time in a really long period. I blame it on the liquor.

ANYWAY I managed to put on half of my pyjamas and then decided to post! Well as for the tattoos, I'm not afraid of needles so that's not the problem. I'm thinking maybe I will do one on my right wrist that says "believe in dreams" but then again I want something inspiring. Or maybe on my toe, the one that shows when you wear ballerina's shoes. I like them but I'm not quite sure I want one.

Oh, it's almost five in the morning maybe I should try to sleep. Saturday was one moody moody day for me!

Goodnight *

207 people are waaaaay too many :D

I am sort of addicted to my blog lately, I really want to post every day even if I don't have something to say. Today is one of these days.. I thought it would be really great to throw a tea party here, haha! I just can't figure out how.. I know I'm crazy but just saying.

So this morning I had my 9th driving lesson. And black coffee. A stupid guy on a motorbike kept yelling at me "hey, move already! now I'm sure you can go faster!" when I was trying to pass the smallest road my teacher's office is hidden at. Well f*ck you, mister! I was laughing so much and then my teacher thought it would be nice to go even slower just to irritate him..haha. Mission accomplished. I have such a good time at my lessons. Then I had a salad and a diet coke for lunch. Great huh? Evening found me eating pasta with chicken, olives and green peppers. Oups again..

What is wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong. I am doing nothing all day but watching Big Bang Theory and driving. I am a loser two weeks now.. Me & my fish. He hasn't eaten since Sunday and I am oh, so scared. On the other hand, why can't I do that?

I really wonder.,

well, I don't use celebrity thinspo often, but wow look at her outfits!

plus I love the colour of her hair. I kinda like her tattoo too!

does anyone have a tattoo or planning on having one?

gelato? no, thanks*

Today I did a.b.s.o.l.u.t.e.l.y nothing. Except the driving lesson of course! Stick isn't a problem anymore, and the teacher lets me put on music and sign in the car! Poor him I have a terrible voice :)

oh, I did some work out for my abs too on my yoga mat, to make it up for two slices of pizza. Oups! I know I shouldn't.. it was a Domino's vegetarian. Boo me.

I'm in a good mood today. The reason?

I am going to Italy for New Year's Eve!!!!

I am so fucking excited about it. I have been to Italy before but only snowboarding on the Alps. This time it's going to be either Rome or Milan. We don't know yet. Family holidays abroad, for the first time -can you believe it? I have gone so many times abroad but not ONCE with my whole family.. This is gonna be fun.

of course the first thing that came to mind: omg, Italy means shopping! And stylish shopping is for the skinny ones right? (my opinion at least).

This morning scale showed 57.6 Now I know I am heavy boned so I would be thrilled and happier than ever if I can go to Italy weighting 55. And being healthy too.

I promise girls, I FUCKING promise I'm going to make it.

oh, how I wish I could go to Italy wearing this

looking skinny &stylishhh*

dOING well, okay

Weird day, full day.

So I have decided I keep fried food away from me. The reason is beyond obvious right? Although I had to explain so extended in my friends today. We all girls gathered at my place to cook and study. We succeeded in cooking and spend the rest of the day gossiping about university, tv, sex, relationships, music, my fish. It was fun in general. I like myself when I'm laughing and it has crossed my mind that others like me better too.

So we cooked meat in the oven. I put as little olive oil as I could and made a huge tomato-cucumber salad for everyone. Two girls decided not to come empty-handed and brought three (I repeat THREE) boxes of McDonald's fries. Large ones. I just said I'm not eating fried foods now that I'm into yoga and stuff and instead I ate two salty cookies. I'm of course over 1000 cals so I'm not proud of it, but not eating the fries felt so great! Of course they smelled so nice.. anyway I don't need it and there is no point talking about it.

Went for driving lesson, got a little late so didn't make it to yoga class. As a result I wasn't allowed to drink alcohol later when we all went for drinks. So three different places and I ordered soda water- soda water with fresh lemon juice- still water.

Last thing to say, my fish hasn't eaten for three days. I AM WORRIED. A lot.

Hope he does okay :) ..It's almost 4 in the morning so I should probably go to sleep*

At the bus stop.

Note to self:

If you over.think then you over.analyse and THEN you are miserable. Then you die, but this is another post.

If there was only ONE problem about me, that would be it. I let my mind think to much. It obviously affects my sleep too. Okay, everyone has boy troubles. I have always had boy troubles. What the fuck changed? Since when did I become that emotional?

Who can answer that..

I don't want to feel like that. I recently realised how difficult and heart-giving it is to tell somebody how you feel. Even the short version of what you were about to say. And it sucks.

I read somewhere that

"you are responsible for your own happiness".

I cannot agree more with that phrase.

...

Every girl around me is wearing skirts. I want that too, I'm not ready though. Jealous as hell, but don't let the carbs find you, otherwise you don't deserve jean skirts. That's how it goes, right?

E is coming for dvd and sleepover and she well informed me she is bringing chocolate. Lol this is SO funny.. she has boy troubles and thinks we can get away by getting fat. No thanks..

Tea please cause I'm not gonna be the single AND fat girl. If anything I will be the single-skinny-stylish one (three S's, I like that).

Oh I'm rambling and she is about to come

Kisses, girLs*

see..if I walk home alone,

I may as well be stylish

Glitter.

When it's time to celebrate you gotta celebrate, don't you?

well you make me so happy with all the loving comments and I have over 200 followers so how happier can I be?

I'm much better today, I decided to turn this sadness and emptiness to a good thing for as long as it will stay by me. So my intake today is good and I tend to keep it that way and don't exceed 800 calories till yoga class when it's past eating time too.

Also I'm about to answer some of your questions! so in order not to make a long post let's start..

Gossamer asked what excuses do I give friends. Well this is an easy one, since all of my friends know I am obsessed with healthy eating so I avoid all the non healthy things. When we go out I usually tell I had eaten already or that I want to loose this 1 kilo I have gained while I was sick. They don't agree but they understand that I want to loose that "extra kilos" cause I'm not sick anymore. Of course I want to loose 3 kilos just for my GW1 but anyways...

Plus my scale's brand is Tefal Atlantis and I love love love it. :)

Amy asked what outfit do I rely on to make me feel great. I usually put on some tights (I buy them two sizes bigger so that they look like pants too) with a plain T-shirt and a long cardigan. I like long necklaces and if the situation is such I love to wear my black sandal heels too! let me just say that without my long sleeved cardigans I feel very insecure so I always wear one.

If I could have any celeb/model body I would choose either Olivia Palermo's or Kate Moss's cause I like their bodies and I adore their style too.

Silly.Girl wondered where do I get my pictures from. Well as I have posted already there is an AMAZING site full of pictures that is called We Heart It and I am checking it on a daily basis.

And Sottile asked how many times do I weight myself. So I weight myself every morning, after I go to the bathroom. I take my trouser pyjamas off and step on it. I don't mind weighting with my T-shirt though. Sometimes I weight myself in the afternoon too, but not often.

So I guess that was all! I'm off to sleep a bit cause I just got back from a 4 hours class..

have a great day all of you :D

this is a picture I recently saved and I just LOVE the outfit.

A little edgy but really awesome :)

Latte

My mind is so empty right now.

But it keeps burning like I am thinking a thousand things.. I don't know. I guess I am a little sad. But it's okay to be sad. Sadness is an emotion..

Plus I don't make any sense right now. Great. Sorry, people.

It's just that I wanted to post right now but my thoughts have escaped my mind. I'm not high, for any of you who may wonder. Just remember not to have any expectations whatsoever.

I guess I got a little jealous of emotions and wanted to feel something too. There it is, emptiness and I'm trying to play it cool.

Listening to "Session" by Linking Park from the Meteora album. Love it..

Can you speed up?

Good morning!! how are all of you?

I'm kinda fine today. I had a really nice sleep and also watched Harry Potter yesterday at the premier! Oh it was so good! I loved it, really.. of course I haven't read the last book (I guess I thought I was too old for it, I regret it now) so I wasn't turn down by the lack of details on the movie. I enjoyed it to the full! Can't wait until July..!

On other news, my day is busy.. two classes, a night driving lesson, yoga and then a concert. I can't say I'm happy about ALL these cause I don't know if I would be dizzy today too. Till now everything is okay. But I'm doing blood tests again. Shit.

At yoga I find it very difficult to do some positions, because my hip bones hurt. I have quite sharp hip bones and I have to put a thick towel under them. I wish they could show more and hurt less.

I went shopping with E yesterday. I tried two dresses on. E was thrilled but I didn't like them. She was like yes, I know you will not buy them but come on, do you at least see they look great on you? ..I find some difficulties in that..

I have to loose weight but my health goes first. After I noticed the difference between me being sick and me being okay, I don't want to go back. Really.

Speed this damn thing up!

Q: do you like wearing heels?

(I absolutely love them.)

She is.

Haven't posted for two days and it feels like months.. I'm so sorry, I just didn't have anything inspiring to tell you.

I'm 57.7 and don't like that. At all.

The weird part is that I'm always dizzy lately. At yoga yesterday night I was always jumping not to fall and almost passed out at a friend's house.. I'm taking my pills this time so I don't know what that might be.

The Q&A post will come before Christmas so any of you wondering something about me please ask :)

To close this post, I believe it's time to post some pictures I have in my files a while now. She is one of my ultimate thinspo. I love her style, I love her body, I love her colours and I also love her haircut. I'm hearing she's kinda bitchy but I don't watch The City. Most girls don't even like her. I really wonder. Plus she's got the hottest boyfriend haha.

Anyway, introducing to you, Olivia Palermo.

a little gossip here, this first picture is one of my favourite outfits, and I think she was heading to a Topshop event

he is hot and stylish!

omg I love her style here, I would TOTALLY wear this

here's with the new haircut, I find it so cute

La La

Long fucking headache today! Hello, old days. I promised myself I would keep you away and that's what I'm gonna do. It really wasn't that much fun when two months ago I had non-stop headaches.

Anyway, new scale!! WOOOHOOO!!

I decided to buy the same scale, as I loved it so much. So no need to post a picture of it. I'm weighting myself first thing in the morning!

Not much to say, I'm just happy about the new scale! Oh, I am going for drinks in an hour. Soda water, I guess cause I'm that cool haha. Oh, don't forget any questions on your comments below :)

EXTREMELY short post today,

Nighty night to ALL*

Move, girl!

Finally one Saturday I don't feel like killing myself.. wasn't really busy but I had a nice time. Woke up and watched Edward Scissorhands, a movie I loved when I was little. Nicest Christmas fairytale along with The Nightmare Before Christmas plus was the only decent thing there was on tv. You gotta love Tim Burton & you gotta love Johnny Depp !!

Coffee makes me happy, too.

Still don't have a scale though, but I'll try to buy a new one tomorrow.. my dad was kinda yelling that I must buy a new one asap (I have already mentioned where I got my obsession with all this from). I tried to make an omelette for lunch. It was okay. I won't try again though!

Then I went running with E and really got short of breath but it was nice! We run by the sea at the harbour and it's really nice with all the stars.. As you can see I didn't do something that fascinating, but I'm feeling okay and I love that!!

To boys issues.. I'm giving up AGAIN on my ex. We cannot possibly communicate. Pity cause we could have been so good together if we weren't both so bipolar. Anyways there is a cute boy from my hometown who studies here too and we met two weeks ago. He's coming back tomorrow. Maybe he can make me forget Di. Maybe he's got a girlfriend already. Maybe he isn't that into me (quite possible option). Maybe he's gay.

We'll see. He's the only guy I kinda like from all the guys I know here.

Enough with the boy's troubles. Let's talk thinspo. I need to loose those three kilos until Christmas. All my friends would be so skinny, I have to be too. So again I promise gym every day!

Plus I am about to make a Q&A post so if you have any questions, please leave them in your comment below :)

*loving the outfit!! not so much the heels..

Ha, you wish

Not sure if I wanted to post today. I feel powerless without my scale, I thing something is missing from my bathroom every time I visit it. Yeah, me and my scale had a special bond and I am sad now.. I don't know if I sound much crazy but I would prefer my old scale to a new one.

The reason I didn't go to buy a new one is simply: the rain.

FINALLY my prayers have been heard and it rained all day today! I wasn't all excited at first, as I had a driving lesson and the wet roads freaked me out, but then I enjoyed it much! Did not go shopping though. I went to Starbucks with E to celebrate the coming of Christmas (the only place here with Christmas decorations yet) and the -hopefully- beginning of autumn. I had a Toffee Nut Skinny Latte because it was on the Christmas menu. It was either this or the Mocha Praline. I always go for the latte, you know that. Anyway, it was sooo sweet I couldn't drink it all.

Now E wanted to go for drinks again. You know, I avoid alcohol as much as I love it. Plus I'm tired of the people and this bar and the same faces and the same conversations. I'm sorry I cannot tell her that..

She is in love, I cannot be the bad friend, but I'm a moody person. So I didn't go. The guy she is in love him still wants his ex and E knows that. But she loves him. And he does not like me because I have the same name as his ex. Wow you are really mature for a 23 year old. NOT.

No yoga night tonight either. Teacher had to go out of town.. Blah. Tomorrow I'm going to the gym though no matter what. I have to work out and buy some yoghurt. I came a little bit more far with the Diet but this weekend is yoghurt weekend. I need to speed up the loss. I have to.

Let's all have a lovely weekend.

Oh I am so fucking clumsy today.. I spent my day doing housework and studying but I literally couldn't do a single job right! As a result..

I was so sad.. Next thing tomorrow morning I'm buying a new one. I have never been in a house without a scale. It's weird, really.

Anyway, today here is so hot. I don't agree with that temperature this time of the year, so I decided I make my own fake autumn afternoon. So I put some candles, made a tea, clicked on RainyMood.com and tried to relax and study listening to "This love". It's from the Cruel Intentions Soundtrack, a movie I absolutely love. Here's a nice video from both the song and the movie.

I wish someday I can feel all this love from the song.

Incredible much?

Thinking about you.. I've been thinking too much about you

so this is from a song I literally keep listening all day today. I had my period right before my first driving lesson. How nice. Anyways, at first I got a little scared but then I did okay! I like driving, as much as the stick pisses me off..

So because of my period, chocolate found me today. Well, no excuses, I found it. I'm not happy about that. Especially when my scale showed 57.4 and it was so nice.. I wanted tomorrow to finally reach the 57s. I don't expect it to happen though. Of course I keep going and Day 5 is rice day. Hm, maybe I'll cut the amount at half because of today's binge. Yes, I shall do that.

No yoga tonight, either. I hate it. And I've been sleeping so badly lately. I wake up at 6 or 7 in the morning from my stomach and cannot simply put myself back to sleep. And I am so stressed.

Other than these I'm fine. LOL

As you can see I'm in an Okay mood tonight. That is good.

Tomorrow of course when I go up the scale I won't be laughing.

I won't be laughing at all.

Till then, have a great and pleasantly unpredictable night !!!

for me it will be tv and a good sleep, if I get lucky :p

WELCOME

This is a post for my new followers.. I would really like to thank you for supporting me and commenting on my crazy posts.

So about a year ago I decided to follow a blog with thinspiration pictures. I didn't even know what this meant, so I started my own blog, as google indicated. I wasn't sure how to use it. For one thing I was sure though. I wanted to be skinny and blamed every food around me. I was seriously unhappy when it was dinner time.. Of course my weight never fell off the borderline.. I am an athletic girl and always will be. I just wanted perfection at all points of my life.

See at that time I had none.

When I saw my first follower you cannot possibly imagine how I felt. Or maybe you can. Anyhow I just wanted to say that if you're new here and feel kinda lost, all these girls are more than happy to help you and support you!

I feel you like family :D

Day 2 was good too. Scale showed 57.6 not baaad! I had some calories from a cappuccino though.. Tomorrow I'm skipping to Day 4.

Promise me

Oh, it's late. It's already 1. I cancelled the drinks I had to go cause I don't have ANY strength whatsoever. I'm starting driving lessons (yes, I know I am two years late but whatever) doing this diet, getting my hair done, going at the supermarket, walking to my yoga class, and the list can go on..

I'm not superman, as I recently have realised. August-September were two difficult months for me and I didn't even realised it. I'm better now, still getting some headaches but who cares?

Listening to Amy's "Back To Black" over and over.. I find it powerful and emotional at the same time. I'm not ready to say goodbye though.. I need some emotions in my life and because I cannot provide my own (that's cause I can't be loving and affectionate although I have tried numerous times in the past), I kinda seek some.

Ugh, why?

Anyways I got too dramatic I guess.. I'll try and sleep, day 1 was good for me and I'll let you know the number of the scale tomorrow morning.

kisses*

p.s. I would totally wear that outfit..

I know..

So.. I'm back! I took my fish back from a friend's house and I'm just relaxing watching the latest episode of Big Bang Theory..

Lots of food? yes. Lots of fun? yes. No more food? yes. No more fun? I think so.

Just letting you know I'm starting again the diet tomorrow, that is Monday the 8th. in case some of you want to follow! But let me say that I am about to skip Day 3. With my anemia is very hard to stick to this diet, so I'm skipping the fruits+vegetables day.

Anyone who wants to follow me is more than welcome. Just comment letting me know. This is just what I have chosen to do and the plan is at the post with the title "Onions".

As for the boy, I'm not deciding yet if I want him back, I don't know and he seems rather broken. I don't know why I keep hurting people and don't even notice it..

So I shall go rest and I promise to read your blogs tomorrow morning :)

*for Anna and anyone who is wondering, I'm 5.4 tall and I am not telling my country. I'm from Europe though!

KISSES*

Ah, fuck it

I'm a mess. Fuck the plan, fuck this diet, fuck it all.. I cannot possibly stick to this, I keep messing it up so as fas as the diet is concerned I will do it some other time (maybe in a week or two) and this time there will be no excuses. I will let you know so anyone who wants will do it with me :)

I just can't keep calm right now.. I saw my ex on the street when I least expected to -yeah I know this is how it always works. And I'm not mad because we didn't talk -I was talking on the phone and turned my head not to look at him- but I'm mad cause he is still gorgeous. Damn.

Of course I'm not completely over him, you can tell that, but I know it won't work out so I'm trying not to think of him. At all. And I was getting quite good at it. Till now..

4 glasses of wine thank you very much.

I'm leaving tomorrow until Sunday night so I won't be able to post or comment. I'm terribly sorry for it and I know I will miss you so much*

Goodnight, please let that night be the night I will forget all about him.

-Have a wonderful weekend :D

DAY 4

I'm so sorry I didn't post last night but I was so tired and sleepy and went straight to bed. This week is a little weird for me and I'm literally struggling to stick to the diet.

Yesterday was all bananas, gym, bananas and then I went for coffee with my girl-friends. I ordered green tea and succeeded in staying away from the refilling bowl of cookies.. (yeah cause the cafe's name is "Cookie" so there are everywhere, but other than that it's a lovely warming place). But then they decided to go for a movie in N's house. I knew they had cooked spaghetti so to avoid that I claimed to be so hungry and ordered a mozzarella salad to go. Boo.

I tried my best, really.. waking up the scale showed 58. Well it's one kilo down but STILL!! I could do a lot lot better..

The thing is I want to complain right now. I can't complain to anyone else cause it's a silly silly thing that is bothering me, so I'll just put it all here. (poor you.. but you can skip that part!)

-So! My friend E is from a small village -even smaller than the town we're studying. That is not a bad thing but she just copies EVERYTHING I'm doing and I hate that. Yes I am mean. I don't want her to dress like me, walk like me, drink the certain coffee I'm drinking and order apple martini's like she had always been that way. She even copies my beliefs even though when we two talk she doesn't agree with me. I get mad. Because I'm not happy with my body, my university and my life in general, but the one thing I'm proud of is my style.

And I don't want her to think she owns that.

There it is, I said it.

Anyways, stay strong lovelies :)