Weird personal post -beware-

Time is going by so fast. May is literally around the corner and I have mixed feelings about it. London has been the best thing that has happened to me in these couple of years. With the ups and downs. With the struggle and the parties. With the cocktails (had a couple of margaritas yesterday).

It's an eye-opener. Opportunities arise, ones you never thought of having. Career paths, shopping deals, interesting people, my sister; I'm sold. Leaving in about 15 days will be a very difficult task but it's all for the best because I will be back.

I've been extremely down the past days. After a serious conversation with my sister, I am feeling so much better. I am realising how it is to be normal inside your soul, and it's such a nice feeling. To let the happiness get you, to smile, to talk about your passions, to be loved. Letting your guards down. Fear has been holding me back. Fear of change, of letting people down, of people talking about my decisions...well guess what, people are ALWAYS going to talk. So I might as well be happy, because the people I am afraid of letting down are the people who ask me about only one thing: to be a happy person (literally a tear runs down). And this year I wasn't. I hate being a flat person. I hate trying to prove I'm smart by doing science, when all I want to do is work my ass off in a management/marketing company while getting certified as a yoga instructor. That's it, I said it.

I am afraid of changing a career path. But I am so exhausted by being in the science world, trying to prove I like it. I manage perfectly in there, yes, but I am not happy. I get panicked when I think that this might be for life (another tear, sorry guys).

We are all waiting for a reply from UCL. I really don't give a fuck about being accepted or not. It's a burden for me. My sister has helped me a lot, making it sound somehow doable, and insisted I go for it 'to rest my soul'. It breaks my heart that it is that obvious how unhappy I am inside my head to the people I love.

I have seen how it is to be happy and I want that. Why do I feel bad for this? I cannot handle any more pressure. Enough.

Ding, ding!

So. This is a topic I haven't posted about in a long time.
FOOD

This past six months I have been working with a nutritionist in order to lose weight while balancing my health at the same time, which had hit complete rock bottom. Sticking to a weekly diet plan is not difficult for me, as I can show complete dedication to things I am motivated enough. I managed to lose 3 kilos, a number that does not sound enough, but it was all fat so the loss was significant. I also stopped taking pills and vitamins and really depended on my diet to be healthy and full of energy. All in all, success!

Coming to London I had to stop meeting my nutritionist, so I was now in charge of my every day intake. Having a background of bingeing, and a love/hate relationship with food, I knew things are going to be difficult. And then there's the variety; sandwiches, cookies, cupcakes, lattes, restaurants and things 'you must try' can become an every day thing, if you let it.

Hot yoga ain't gonna save me. Some days I wake up determined to keep a small intake and choose all the healthy options possible- because they are, too, everywhere. Others, I just can't get enough. Seriously.

I am constantly moving. Cycling, ab videos on YouTube, yoga classes, taking the stairs whenever possible. I have become fitter, but not thinner. But I am so easy to put on weight that I really need to behave. I am eating too much for a girl who is on an ETERNAL weight loss program. So, ding ding!!

"Quit your membership to clean plate club"
-Naturally Thin  (while I am not going to read it, this sounds so right)

I really love this picture.

London Outfit Series no2

Everyday I see beautiful girls with so much style passing by, sitting next to me, waiting for the bus. I hope they don't notice that I look at them from top to bottom, trying to think how or why they picked the certain outfit. It can get pretty creepy if you think about it.

I always try to pick a well-put together outfit for the day. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I get mad as soon as I walk out of the door. Dark outfits (usually black) is my motto since my high school years. What changed is my nail color. I love love love dark (dark dark) blue nails. Never black.

The trainers was a (sad? maybe not) attempt to try the sporty chic look wearing 'heavy duty' trainers. It felt alright, although I missed my converse.

p.s. As far as my hair color is concerned, I should note that I tried to lighten my ends a couple of weeks ago. It's not very visible, but it gave me the 'change' I needed at the time. I will have a proper hair salon appointment soon though.

The world at your feet

The fashion information I've been getting walking around the streets of London is too high! Distressed jeans, ankle boots, plain white shirts, minimal layering, total black outfits, perfect eyeliner wings, perfect everything.

Lately I have developed a major foot (or shoe) fetish. When your style is 'street chic minimal' jewellery and shoes are all you care for. And this season, when clothes don't impress me much, you can find EVERYTHING you need in accessories.

I really don't have the money for these candy shoes I stalk online, but it doesn't hurt to look (and dream), right?? And who knows, maybe one day I'll get a box to love...

these are my top picks for spring-summer, although I get it's not everyone's cup of tea.
everything Senso

and the affordable style dose. I love them to bits and they are not animal print stuffed, as they are two toned. (Vans Era, obviously)

*from this post on, I will be replying to individual comments so keep checking for awesome feedback!

xx

How Hot

Being in the UK already for two weeks, I needed to find a way to exercise to stay toned and keep my mind focused. But everything was so fucking expensive for just two months. Gym memberships in particular, because you need to pay a 'starting fee' as well. So when I found a deal I booked it without second thoughts. I am so glad I did! (tomorrow everything will hurt but oh well)

I like practising yoga. It calms me down and helps me not to binge. So it's a win- win. Weather-wise London is going great! Spring is here, it seems, and I am even happier that I can layer up and go to work without a coat.

Of course I got everything I needed from Victoria's Secret. Yoga pants, tank tops and sports bra. Here I am ready to leave the house, with a top that says 'I hate running'.
And I really do.

xx