the post-surgery post

Sunday morning and it's raining like crazy. The perfect excuse to stay at home, drink tea, sleep. Not that I could go outside, because this Christmas holidays 'I stay indoors'. I literally have left the house three times in one week's period. My throat is okay, although I continue the pills for laryngitis.

Last Thursday I went to the hospital for my nose operation. The room was a little too old but blue, not orange like some of them, so all was good! The girl at the other bed was very nice also and that made the whole experience easier for both of us and our families.

Friday morning she went first under surgery (a throat one) and after she woke up I was next. Yes I was afraid. Not for the result, but I was somewhat convinced that I wasn't going to wake up. Crazy I know :p

Anyway, after two and a half hours of pure surgery, I was resting on the bed. The only thing that hurt were my feet, cause I'm extraordinary like that! Everything went better than expected, breathing-wise, and the doctor was amazing. 

I now have a little anxiety waiting for Thursday to come, so I can see the (slightly bloated) result.

So here you go, a rather abnormal last post of 2012.

I love you all :)

The peculiar post

I like making lists. I like to know where I stand, what comes next, what's the next thing to take up my time and thinking. So I make lists. Lists I always keep and lists I never keep. This week is a ghost for me. It wasn't supposed to happen. I was given some extra time I didn't want, some time I was convinced I didn't need. But, here it is, anyway.

So I made a list with some possible things I will be doing, until I get better.

1. dye my hair chocolate brown

well, this time of the year has come, when no one will protest again ruining my ombre. it's winter, it's a new year, it's a change I want to make and quite honestly: why the fuck not? if I absolutely hate it, ombre again it will be. until then, calm the fuck down, people.

2. wear my 2013 charm bracelet before the actual 2013

I got it delivered tonight and I feel so confident about it. every year I leave it until January, and by then there are no stylish ones left at the jewellery stores. it's a minimal black cord, it has my second luckiest number on it (13, my luckiest is 21 obviously), a bronze circle and I like it. don't be a twat about it, now that Apocalypse jokes are over, 2013 will eventually come.

3. do some serious studying

well. this needs to be done so buckle up and just do it. step by step, page by page, class by class so there will be no tears at the next month's exams.

4. wait in patience for my black boots order

I did it, I ordered them, and before they even came, I have regretted it a little bit. what was I thinking? they are so gorgeous; I can't pull them off! Or can I? (highly overpriced any way) I will wait for them to arrive and make up my mind.

and for irrelevant things' sake, here's the post picture.

to take your minds off the starbucks cups, the red lollipops, Santa Baby, ugg boots and Demi Lovato(?)

because we've had enough already

and because it WILL be summer again

p.s. I enjoyed writing this post more than I should have,

I think

Oh, bloody h

I am finally home, after a really uncomfortable time I had at the airport, waiting for someone to pick me up. Okay, since last Sunday I suffer from Laryngitis (wikipedia info: is an inflammation of the larynx; it causes hoarse voice or the complete loss of the voice because of irritation to the vocal cords). Of course I had complete loss of my voice. You know, it's so frustrating not to be able to speak. Add that to a locked SIM and you'll get in what condition I was yesterday alone at the airport. I had a little fever too, so as soon as my parents found me sitting alone with my two suitcases, I burst into tears. A happy start to my holidays, right?

Did you notice my photo on my last post? I didn't want to mention it, but I will keep it up for a little bit longer so you can see. A month earlier I mentioned that I am about to have some kind of nose job. That means, I will fix the technical problems with my breathing, and then I will have it 'toned' (?). We're not going to crack any bone, but I will fix the look of it too, so it can be more lean and thin. It's pretty thick now, if you go check.
But, due to Laryngitis, the anesthesiologist refused to let me have the surgery tomorrow, so it will be postponed until next Friday. It's such a major setback though, because obviously I was prepared to have it now, and I wanted to celebrate New Year's Eve stitch-free. Moreover, I wanted to be able to go back home without having a bloated nose..

Anyway, we couldn't risk it, and I really hope everything will go (more than) well next week.

London Shopping

So I tried to gather almost everything I purchased from my trip to London and show it to you! Excuse the poor quality, it was a cloudy day today, and please comment with your favourites!


Topshop tee, already one of my faves, shit quality though

Primark shirt
(my first ever purchase from Primark, not a big fan)

Urban Outfitters dress (this is the back of it) on SALE!

Urban Outfitters sweater (this is the back), so over sized I'm wearing it as a casual chunky dress with tights :)

Topshop real leather purple on one side, black on the other, bag. VERY handy on a night out!

Brandy Melville's gym bag.
I was SO thrilled to discover a Brandy Melville at London!!

Brandy Melville again. I've got so many compliments on this shirt.

Brandy Melville, and personal favourite and a winter must-have!

From Anthropologie's sale, obviously.
Even a candle is overpriced in there..but such a pretty store!!

Topshop studded cardigan, slouchy and soft!

My new cases, from Topshop, I don't know which one to like the most!

Kurt Geiger boots.
I tried like a hundred of similar boots but decided to get these. Love them!

So, all in all, these are my main purchases. What is your favourite one? I also got some underwear and sweats from Victoria's Secret and a couple of simple earrings from U.O. The last thing I wanted but decided not to have it, are a pair of studded biker boots, that I got online yesterday for under-the-tree present. Photos when they arrive!

have a beautiful pre-holidays weekend everyone :)

When tea is all that's left

I am not sure what day it is, but let's assume I check my laptop and it says Thursday. ooooh my god, this week is passing so fucking slowly! I have so many things to do, so many things have happened since I set foot back home, and I am waiting for the weekend to get some extra sleep.

Some of the highlights of this past week..

My friend broke up after three years of an unhealthy relationship and she's obviously been very moody. Since I'm her only (pretty much) friend around here, we've been drinking, singing, watching movies, making vodka jello shots, doing sleep overs and in general everything to keep her from thinking and to realise this is a right decision. Hopefully she won't go back, if asked to.

I went on a date with this biology guy, which I had turned down last May, and we had a nice time kissing. Wondering why I want him now or why I turned him down last year? Oh well, you know how fucked up I am when it comes to relationships and yes, I have nothing else to 'play with' lately and I'm bored. But that's a secret. Of course he now plays hard to get, but I don't mind just going out for a few dates and then don't speak anymore. In any other case, I can see me and him dating until Easter holidays. But no, no further.

My experiments are going well, and even though I have the flu these days, I like going to the lab and actually getting some job done. The lab people are so friendly with me and actually call me "little miss". I feel lucky to work with them a year, compared to the lab people my friends are in.

Oh, yes, I've been starving and binging all week now it's madness. It's the mood swings, it's the cold, it's the delicious Christmas food, it's me.

Maf is sooooo pretty!

Very berry

I thought to make an appearance on here, just to let you know I'm alive. The journey back was long and lonely and to be completely honest, a little hangover-ed too. I had such an amazing time!! London is always great, but it keeps getting better every time I visit.
On the second plane home I was so scared because of the turbulence that my hands were shaking when we finally touched down. That gave the opportunity to the guy sitting next to me to start talking and talking until I could actually get off that plane. He calmed me a bit with his jokes though. I assume I was pale with fear, because another man told me something funny as well, so thank you kind guys!

Back to reality much quicker than I thought, my lab work is by now very interesting and I could do lots of stuff alone -no need for my supervisor to stand beside me all day- so I got extra credit for that! Sad thing is that exams start on 10/01 so (as always) no Christmas holidays for me..
Not that I was planning on doing so, because by then I will be wrapped around my nose like a giant brunette present. Yes, we set the surgery date for the 21st, so it's getting pretty close and I'm getting really nervous.

Well, that is all. The first catch up for my post-London blogging. Obviously I will make a shopping post and an award one, because I have apparently been nominated for two! But I just need to find some time to do quality posts.

Till then, many kisses!

Calling

Hello from London! I'm here, safe and sound, after two flights and several trying-to-sleeps later. Getting off the plane and smelling the rain combined with the smell of the subway made me smile. I know, it's disgusting, but to me it brings back so many holiday memories.

On the schedule this week is lots of shopping, some eating (I've already had some sushi and a mini velvet cupcake) and a Keratin Blowout Treatment. If you don't know what that is, please Google it, it's a softening/straightening method for the hair and I am excited for my appointment on Wednesday. It's particular expensive though and has had some bad reviews (along with thousands of positive ones) so I've been back and forth. But now the date is fixed, so I'm doing this!

Other than that, I have some errands to run for my sister -she works all the time so I'm glad to help her around the house/dry cleaning, Tesco and stuff.

It feels like home.

this is actually quite nice, Whitney

much love, xx

Get a copy

I feel the need to update this blog. During these past two weeks my mood swings have gone wild. I'm talking about real highs and REAL lows. This situation is energy consuming and nerve racking. Added to the pressure I've been having lately makes a super real bomb. And it feels like it's about to explode any time now.

The only good news come from my lab. My supervisor told me that I am one of the best who have been in this position through the years. That made me happy. Really happy for a while. But other than that, I've been in a quite shitty mood. G is acting really strange, even bitter some times and I was really hurt when we went to drinks on Tuesday. I don't need this shit. I know what I am, and I don't need psychotherapy and criticism from no one.

So I decided to act thinking of me, and thinking a lot lot less. I want somebody to be able to talk to, share my day and NOT someone who knows my whole past, and drinks coffe with it on a Saturday evening. It's not his fault, I know that they are his friends but it's not working any more, I worry too much if 'they' are with G, at his house. If they will show up at the bar and we will all have to sit at the same table. I worry too much so I'm going to back off. I texted another guy, who liked me and doesn't know any of them, and I will let him try to take my mind off things. It's the only solution that comes to mind.

Saturday I'm flying to London.
I truly hope I will find the happiness to do this trip some justice. Stupid brain.

This is going to be good

This weekend, instead of studying, I literally opened no book and decided to 'prepare' myself for London shopping. Of course I check my favourite online stores at least four times a week, but now I did a more serious job. I tried to match what I need with what I want and what's in style this season. I made a huge list from Topshop, Urban Outfitters, Office shoes, Kurt Geiger and American Apparel, and I'm planning to do some SERIOUS shopping.

I strongly believe that this season is one of my favourites fashion-wise. I mean there are lots of styles to choose from but this season's rock chic is truly brilliant! The army jackets, the oversized cardigans, the lacey bras and the ankle boots. All the 'minimals'. The blacks and the greys. They boy-ish grunge look.

Je t'adore.

Cinnamon

I know I've been M.I.A lately, but there's more action than I care to admit in my life. I am constantly running around campus or taking busses or both. Even though I like having things to do from the moment I wake up until I go to sleep every day, sometimes it's just too much.

Now I found this new thing, where I go to the gym BEFORE going to the lab. It's the only solution I see to my butt going softer each day. I wake up at 7.30 (instead of 8.30), I walk 15 minutes to the gym so I'm already sweating, I do another half an hour of cardio (usually elliptical) and then some ab and butt exercises and I'm done. This early in the morning and having had half a green tea to go, I burn calories like hell and (I think) I'm waking up my metabolism too. I have a shower at gym and then go to the bus stop to go to the lab at 10.00am. It works.

But since last night I am at a really low point. I think I haven't been more fat in my life. I hate everything on me and my scale thinks so too. I have to stop eating when I get home. Next Saturday I'm gonna be in London for fuck's sake! Anyway, I keep calm for as long as I can and I will try to fix that too. I guess you all know where to find me from now on at 8 in the morning..

I love this

the colours, the long necklace, the collarbones

Drama, please

And here we are at the end of the second day of the congress. On a Saturday night, I'm already on the bed, after a nice dinner and long bath. Very tiring weekend, and all I want is a shot of tequila. Of course the lectures are teaching and inspiring and the people you get to know and listen to are a huge opportunity for an under grad like me. Twelve hours of seminars really break you down though. All I am about to do now is try to sleep, thinking. Tomorrow is the last day of it all.

Thinking about what, you may wonder. Yesterday it was O's birthday. Of course I was not invited, I'm already guessing it was an all boys drinking fest, both at his new place and at the bar, but that isn't the problem. I texted him wishing happy birthday and never got a reply. That means he was either out of phone credits or still hurt and pissed off. I am not okay with that. With G being one of his closest friends and me sleeping in the same bed with him. Boys can get evil when they drink, and I'm not trusting G with not telling how close me and him are lately. On the other hand, it frustrates me that O would think I want to ruin his birthday by showing to the bar at his birthday. I bet he still thinks I'm a total bitch. Well, it's inside my genes and I always have a plan to screw everyone up in case needed, no question about that, but there's nobody in this fucking town I care more about his feelings than O. And he doesn't let me do right.

Boom Boom

Tequila makes everything easier. After yesterday's panic attack I had absolutely no intention of going out for drinks. But if your nights out are that eliminated lately, you really have no other choice. If you want to keep your social interactions, that is.

So even though at first I wore a very casual outfit, trying not to care so much, when K came I realised I had to 'grow up' and don't let my mood affect my outfit and then, my outfit affect all the night. So I put on my topshop shirt, my ripped jeans and my grey oxfords and I was casual chic. And after a couple of tequila cocktails I was in a great mood!

Certain people that could ruin my night were out of town and certain people that I've missed (like O) were there. Even though we didn't get to talk -cause he's not talking to me- it was nice to see he's doing okay. He was looking sweet again.

What I'm trying to say is that, even though my day was a perfect nightmare, if you try a little bit and don't let everything go, you can fix your damn day. And your night :)

No title

Oh my, I hate this weather! I don't think I can express the level of my rage in words. It cannot be the second day of November and be THIS hot. It really annoys me. Honestly, I get the grumpiest when it's this hot.

Among these three and a half years of university I've had a panic attack on campus approximately 10 times. Second year is when it all started. Today I had another one. I can talk you through it.

I wake up positively okay. I weight myself, as I do every morning, and I proceed to get dressed and head for the bus station. Like a typical girl, I often 'don't have anything to wear' so dressing up may take a while. In the panic-attack-coming days that takes more than an hour, with me throwing every shirt around and getting hotter and hotter until I start to sweat- first sign. I realize this is out of control so I try to catch my breath and wear the easiest outfit I can. I usually don't listen to music on the bus cause it makes me dizzy- second sign. But I have to go to university so I can't go back. I arrive at uni all in sweat, and I start to get the idea that I smell bad. Trying to avoid contact and getting close to any other students, I go to study at the common room. Then is when it all blows up.
Trying not to look all freaked out, I start thinking everyone is talking about me. My ugly face, my greasy hair, my thunder thighs, my bad smell. Every laugh echoes through my mind and I start looking everywhere around me like a crazy person, trying to breathe. If I can, I get the hell out of there withing the next four minutes. I got back to the bus stop, get a seat and close my eyes until I get home. I lock the door behind me, take off all of my clothes and go under the sheets breathing loudly. If I fall asleep, I usually wake up much better. If I can't, it takes me about three hours of staring at the ceiling to recover from it.

Seven in the afternoon and I am really better.
I hate this weather.

Everyone has a secret

Today I decided to go total black. Black is definitely my  go-to colour when it comes to clothes. If I could choose one colour to dress up, that would be black. If, on the other hand, I could choose three, then these would have to be black, grey and dark mint. Grey doens't suit me very much cause I'm so pale due to aneamia (not the sexy kind of pale, the sick-yellowish one), but I love it eternally.

My calorie intake stayed under 1000 today as well. I had to go to university and read a couple of reviews for a class. I wasn't needed at the lab today so I spent the whole day at the reading room, studying from my netbook and looking at cute guys -who in my school aren't that many :p

I didn't go to the gym but I did two Youtube workout videos that made me sweat nicely. Luckily I was alone in here so no one had to see me lying on the floor trying to catch my breath after only 20 minutes!

this is my motto for the week :)

I love you !

xx

Take One

Frustrated and irritated people everywhere. And it's just only Monday. I admit it, I woke up irritated as well. My last night's drink didn't go as smoothly as I expected. I broke the door handle at my entrance -gym, anyone?- and the noise of that almost covered the whole rock n roll area. Super awkward but being a regular over there lets me get away with it with just a big smile. Other than that it was rather boring.

I had a total 900 calorie intake today. It's been so long since I last had that low intake that I honestly can't remember when it was. I'm getting ready for London and I feel inspired more than ever. This whole week I'm going to post daily about random stuff as well as my intake.

Random stuff: My Urban Outfitters order hasn't arrived yet and I'm quite nervous. Hope it comes soon enough, sooner than my Free People's at least! Tomorrow I won't have to wake up super early, now that my project got more specific, I have more accurate work hours. Yay for that! Nothing else new, really. Boring times. For now.

Days to London: 24 (+/- 2)
Weight: 62 kilos

Pamela Love jewellery. Pure lust.

xx

p.s. In other news, I seriously believe someone's trying voodoo to me. I thought about it after Friday night, and today I've been feeling some weird pains. I'm totally serious, and quite frankly, I may deserve it :p

P F A

I felt like writing an update post for you, but quite honestly, my life has been really boring this past week. For the outside world, at least. I've been spending so much time at the lab that I really don't have the time to do anything else. I haven't been to the gym for aaaages, I'm doing a two ten-minute youtube videos every night though. I know it's not the same, but I will bounce back. 

I was chosen but my supervisors to choose my project because of my persistency and hard work (over another girl that she's not very good). So from this week I'm going to focus more on one thing at the lab (which is super interesting!), and I won't be lost in the madness. I'm hoping, at least.

I have gained a little bit, and London is in a months time. Perfect reason to freak out, no? Moreover, K comments quite often on how I used to be skinnier (thanks, friend) and I really want to prove to her I can do it. Of course, after all these years, I want to prove something to myself first, then to anyone else.

I have a plan on my mind, if that goes well, prepare for an inspirational week in posts. 

(this week I believe my orders will come, so prepare for some pictures too!)

xx

Just In

My first autumn latte was the highlight of my day. As the rain falls, I kept drinking and smiling, chilling with some friends after school. I've had such a major crush on 'above the knuckle' rings (or midi rings, whatever you wanna call it). Fashionology ones are super overpriced and really basic. Well of course that doesn't usually bother me, until I browsed Free People's site. I visited the store two years ago at my trip to New York and fell in love with the style and the effortless cool everything in there!
So, as soon as I signed up, I got an email for one free shipping! International shipping is 35 euro and I was going to send my order at London (just 8 euro) but now I get the chance to have them sooner. I have no idea about customs, but we shall see...

It's a moon ring, a minimal skull ring and a douple rope. The two first I've seen multiple times on Tumblr and finally I get to have them myself! And the price was really okey, about 10-13 euro each. Which one's your favourite?

have a lovely rainy night

xx

101

The day suddenly opened for me. I had this massive amount of work at the lab but the bus drivers are on a strike so I can't make it to the mountain. Yes my university is on a mountain, along with a hospital and a coffee shop. And that's about that. Waking up at 7.45 am with nothing to do is priceless, if you can go back to sleep.

So, on my last post I said something about cutting back at my expenses so that I can buy things at London. Well, having said that, yesterday I spent 100 euro at Urban Outfitters online- at the home department though. I figured why not buy now these stuff and not have to stuff my suitcase. The answer is: delivery fee, which at Urban's is so pricey. But then I saw that one thing I wanted was online exclusive. I had no choice! Not going to tell what they are until they're here though :p

So today I'm staying at home. I'll be honest with you as to what I'm going to do. Try to do a self pedicure, search online for the Brazilian Blowdry thing (if someone has a valid opinion please put it in the comments) and if I should do it at London, clean the apartment floors, cook some rice, maybe go for a coffee. And that's about it. Oh, I might also register for lectures today. I know what I want so it's the technical part left (go online, register).

Oh, and spend some serious time on my Tumblr.

xx

Lust for less (not)

Tuesday already and I woke up feeling nice. Days are passing so quickly when you don't have the time to just sit down and get bored. I either work at the lab, send emails (various reasons), or I sleep. I can't keep myself awake because I chose to go out every single night for a week. It's public relations, really.
What can I say, a hectic schedule suits me.

Of course I have to cut back on such expenses if I want to be able to SHOP in London. I mean, sure I'm gonna shop, who doesn't when they go on such holidays, but I want the motivation to buy something very very pretty! So cut back on the expenses and cut back on the food, and you'll be a happy wannabe Londoner among the real ones (you know that is my dream, don't you?).

These pretty things caught my eye. I mean, sure the first shop I'll visit will be Urban Outfitters -no store can take away this love- but then off to AllSaints I'll go! I must try these!! They are seriously overpriced though. Like, seriously.

And now that I struggle to grow my nails back, I must have this. The only way I can enjoy a dark manicure without it being too emo. Don't get me wrong, I wear dark nails all the time (my signature used to be dark purple nails) but with black I get mixed feelings. But this looks so cool. SO so cool. Tell me what do you think/ have you tried it?

Off to get dressed for uni.
Stay happy and motivated :)
xx

Do you know

Somewhere between the whole "zen keeping attitude" of September, my modem died. Then my computer had a meltdown, and I was left alone, far from my blog and far from the outer world, really.. then I had a meltdown, a small one though.

Let's start with what I've been up to these past weeks.

My choice of laboratory came out really good. I now belong to the most funded and active lab of my university. This means very exciting research, more than enough money to do the research and of course a happy work environment. It's pretty hectic though, as I am a full timer there, 10 to 5 every day- classes not included. My friends chose "easier" labs, schedule-wise, and now they get little jealous of what I have already done there.
It's a neurobiology lab and we have mouse models every day. Animal testing, call it whatever you want. You really don't have much choice when you decide to be a biologist. Do you know the feeling when you don't want something to die until you kill it? That's what I learned today. So many mixed feelings, yet I find it so so interesting.

These many hours away from any source of food have given me a flat stomach most of the times. I will be able to lose a couple of pounds until my trip to London. London, yes!! At the end of November I'm flying there and I couldn't be more excited! Winter, London, lattes, Christmas lights, shopping, street fashion. This is love.

If I keep this "zen / slightly apathetic" attitude this whole month, that would be great. I feel that whatever comes I can handle, not wanting to provoke anything though. Just smile and nod, smile and nod. That's the secret.

Moves

Posting from my hometown is never easy. Even though I have my own room and I 'borrow' the neighbours' wifi, I often get visits from my mother/sister. My mother to bring me cake/apples/pears and my sister to steal clothes from my suitcase to wear outside. -these three sentences took me about twelve minutes to write, you can do the math for the rest of this post.

Craziness and anxiety have both dialled down these days, although I'm rather moody thanks to pms. I eat non stop and walk so little. Let's see what one week can do to my body.. I'm leaving so early on Sunday though, so I won't let it affect me much. Calmness for now, diet will start then. I'm talking about super restriction, and that could be easy cause classes and lab start on Monday!

I also got invited to stay at G's place for a few days. Yes, that is a pointless invitation, since we live literally ten minutes away. And yes, our status remains as it was: I have friendzoned him and he has friendzoned me. First who cracks and makes a move gets an A for braveness, I guess. His brother graduated and left so I guess he suddenly felt lonely in there. Note: he has slept three times at my house, once of them on the bed w/ me. We are ridiculous. And we're having fun with that!

Right now I'm trying to read my neurobiology paper, 17 pages of lab work in english and french about what I'm about to do at the lab from Monday. I have an unknown word at the title.

Shit just got serious, I guess.

what an awesome jacket!
xx

Eyes

Blood results came out rather good, for my standards anyway, so everybody calmed down. My blood cells are always low and weak, but other than that, it's wasn't an alarming situation after all. I still try to calm myself down, but as long as I have the urge to do shopping, everything's good! (mom's quote)

Yesterday I was looking for a lace bra from Oysho and an eye liner. I failed to purchase both, but this morning I woke up and got the damn liner. The lady there made a mistake as long as I went in the store (she sent me up two floors for something that was on the ground floor) so even though I didn't mind -I used to work on sales so these mistakes are understandable- she was super nice and friendly to me. I was going for the Loreal one, but she suggested the Radiant brand. Same brush, same quantity, lower price. Being a eye liner dummy, I preferred the cheaper one and she told me if I had any trouble to come back to the store and help me put it on. I'm not very fond of trying make up on when I shop (sorry, Mac girls) because I don't like to end up looking like a clown, or like someone that would put a full face on just for going to the grocery store. Sweats, converse, mascara, headphones and I'm good to go.
So I tried it on at home. Alone. Now my left eye looks like a normal person's with a black line. Cute. The right eye is a disaster, but never fear, practise makes perfect, no?! I like the boldness it gives, keeping a minimal look while doing so.

* in a week or so, I may reveal to you the true purpose of my travelling to my hometown.. I'm dying to tell you guys, but I can't just yet.

Wednesday

I slept 13 hours. Of course I didn't go to my last exam. I woke up by a concerned mom forcing me to get up and go to the clinic to get my blood tests. I went.

Thanks to everyone for commenting to my last post, especially Peri (I love you!), for all your lovely words. I cried a lot yesterday, I felt sorry for myself and I realised that I must calm down. Stress makes me a different person, and I don't like her.

I cleaned my home floor a bit and during the day I need to organise my bedroom and all the shit that's been sitting on my desk; books, notes, nail polishes, etc. Gym is out of the question for today, so a long bath is needed.

Small steps forward (within this week) :
- grow out my nails to have a manicure done
- have my first autumn latte
- go to Oysho for some cute lace underwear
- start writing on my paper

this looks so relaxed.
xx

Awful times.

Today is the last day of exams. Typically it's tomorrow, when I give my last one -toxicology- but today is the last day of 'studying'. Notice the quotes, huh? It's been such a low time lately, with mood swings and alcohol. No, no studying. I got a 9/10 though, but failed my other two (two passed/two failed).

Yesterday I binged. Properly, like the old times. I felt so humiliated by myself that I almost scared me off. Couldn't purge. I don't want to end up like this again. I can't. I think something's wrong too. I will have some blood tests this week, just to make sure...

I couldn't get out of bed this morning either. Tired eyes, people think it's the studying. No, it's not. It's the miserable attitude towards everything I'm having.
I know what's the solution to this. I can pretend to be 19 again. My first year here. I was eating like 600 cals a day, being a bitch and loving it. And you know what? Just cause I was myself, everyone loved me too. I think I might try it, but just so many things have happened since then.. anyway, I must act. And I will.

I also missed the first rain. It was two days ago, 5.30 in the morning. G texted me so I could wake up and see, cause he knows I love the rain. I didn't even hear my phone beeping, so I missed it..

It's just too much. Not even my black coffee could bring me back.

sorry if this is any kind of triggering post.
xx

Two words

As my favourite time of the year is coming, I am struggling to hold a little bit longer to my exams, not study but just make an appearance. I am so motivated today, like nothing can stop me, and I've been feeling rather flirty.

I either hate it when I get attention from guys, and feel horrible etc (which happened last week, cause everyone is either a basket case or a no-no cause of certain circumstances). Or I act the normal way and get flattered and my confidence rises. Today I decided to do the second thing. To let myself swirl into apathy and ignore every 'situation' there is and has forced me to feel bad/guilty/shy/crap. Like, fuck you and your dramas.

I am going to work hard this semester to get everything my way. Things to do:
- fix my ombre, make it more visible
- get a pair of biker black boots
- go out on ALL the dates (really, just go)
- pick the best one, according to behaviour/appearance
- wake up smiling every day
- go to the gym at least every other day

I know this list will make me happy. I know it.
So fuck you, you closed minded people that the only thing you want to do is bring me down.
Seriously, fuck you.

xx

p.s. 

find which were the "two words", and win a pink electromagnetic snail  :p

Update

Honestly, if someone let me sleep all day, that's what I'd do. My energy is lower than ever.. but the first autumn breezes are here so I have a happy smiley face. To be able to drink tea in the morning, and black coffee all day long...that's the dream.

I'm slowly keeping up with the gym, and with the semester start I will be fully back! I'm even checking the swimming pool schedule, so that I could go once a week along with spinning and yoga. I've really missed swimming.. you have no idea how much!

On the 24th I'm flying home. Again. It's probably the first time I am so looking forward to it. My sister is coming as well, and even though she would be working from home, I would just have my paper to write so that means free time in my hometown for coffee, cupcakes and shopping! I missed her already!
I'm also visiting London in a couple of months! Nothing is booked yet, but I could really use a winter-y London right now. It will definitely motivate me to study harder (cause right now I blow at university). I want to move to London so badly. No, UK in general doesn't do for me, I want LONDON.

Tonight I have this dinner to go, and then maybe I'll stop by G. I don't know yet, either were the best-est friends in town, or something's nice is about to happen. I'm fine with both ways though.
*wait until I get off my cloud*

xx

I put my email on the sidebar (on your left!) so feel free to contact me!!
also, check out my Tumblr:  Anklets & Skulls

Rambling

Every time I have exams things get pretty ugly. I think I am used to this chaos by now, and I have decided to embrace it. You know, I believe the whole 'everything happens for a reason' and the 'karma is going to get you' kind of sayings but lately I've been feeling that someone is playing with me.

Friday was hell. I mean the museum event was so fun, and so tiring but after that I went for a couple of drinks. Have you ever walked into a bar to find every 'ex' you recently had within 5 meters from each other? I mean not boyfriends per say, just every guy you've fooled around/made out in 2012. Don't panic, they were only three. And being on an island, they all know each other, but I choose to believe no one knows everything. Anyway, it got pretty ugly. O was the worst part. He demanded I explained things right there right now, and he told me that we were never friends (for 3 years we've been hanging out, anyway I get his point, it's just that he was a little rude). The other two were pretty much drinking, minding their business and giving me weird (the one) and angry (the other one) looks. Hell I say.

Saturday G came over at my place. We met this year and have really clicked in the matter of good company. We have spent 2-3 nights together just drinking and talking and this night was one of them. I like being around him, he likes it too. I don't think he wants something more from me, no. Too bad, cause he's probably the first guy I've felt I could try an actual relationship with since 2010. Way long back, I know, and it's true. I think I am already friendzoned though, you know. It's not only that he couldn't like me as his girlfriend, it's just that I had a fling with one of his friends too. He also has a pretty much good picture in his mind about how I fuck up relationships and how awkward I make situations. So, why would he bother?

*just found out I got 7.5/10 on the first exam I wrote this summer. my only hope to pass something up until now, and I'm not even grateful for it, I could do better*

Sunday was a fairly tiring day, having slept about 5 hours and waking up after 2 bottles of wine (me and G make a nice alcoholic couple). I tried to eat something because my appetite is pretty much gone these days and I fear that when it comes back I will double take each kilo I seem to have lost.

That pretty much gives you my whole weekend in paragraphs.

xx

Delivery

On Wednesday the magic post paper came to my house, not only one but two parcels had come for me in the mail! Excited I went and picked up my Asos order and my Amazon bag. Now no one could guess which designer inspired bag I had ordered, so here it goes: the Alexander Wang rocco bag!!

I got it in black with silver studs and zippers. I also got the one with the strap, just cause it seemed to suit my style more than holding it on my arm like most celebrities do with this bag. It came inside a white dust bag, covered with bubble wrap and two plastic bags. I was a little scared whether some of the studs could be missing, but it is in a perfect condition! I tried to take some pictures, but because most of you know the bag I am referring to, I will just post these (not helpful at all) two.

this is the lower side of the bag. I wanted to take a snap with the studs too, so here it is (sort of)

this is how I style it, haha. I was working last night at the museum and we had this whole kid's event, and even though I was making little bats with the kids at the playroom, I couldn't resist and tried on the dinosaur head!
if the quality was better, you could see my Topshop cardigan, my Zara shirt, my new bag (luckily it fits on my shoulder too!) and my left hand tattoo :p

xx

Winter Lust List

So, it's Monday again, and my Asos order as well as my amazon bag have not arrived yet! I know I have gone a little crazy with shopping, and believe me even though I should feel bad, I don't actually do. Shopping/styling and exercise are my two big hobbies so if I'm able to enjoy both of them that means I'm in a good mood. (if it's not about shopping therapy or stress release spinning class that is)

Here I present you some of the upcoming purchases, the most desired items for A/W 2012. (up until now, I'm sure)

the coat.  I think it looks effortlessly cool and super cosy, and even though I haven't tried it on yet, I believe this could be this year's coat for me.

the must have. I actually saw this in store and it looks super cute! But, as you know, I wear jumpers(?) oversized and there wasn't a Large in store at that time. Next time, next time..

the short necklace.  I've bookmarked this necklace since March, I think, and it has never been on sale on Asos. Karma is something I believe in, and this minimal piece of art is just pure beauty. It's so annoying, cause even though it's not that expensive, I could not spend 80+ euro on such a small piece of jewellery. Maybe one day.

 the snood. Given the fact that all my winter (and summer, probably) clothes are black/grey and so little coloured, this mint knit would totally spice up my winter wardrobe!

the tights. I'm not very much into tights, I prefer leggings cause I find their texture a little less annoying, so I usually wear thin high socks(?) with suspenders if I have to. But these, oh these, look very sexy!

xx

p.s. thanks to everyone for their kind words on my last post. I've been feeling rather sick again and your comments really put a smile in my face. I don't know if I should go to the gym or not, I feel like I should rest but at the same time I know once I start going again I will feel a lot lot better.