Not feeling it

It's almost been a week now of shivering, fear and stress. I don't cope well with exams, and that is a 'skill' I lost at 17, at my final exams for senior high school. A nightmare I still remember.

Today I had my first exam. It went well, I think. Last night my house had no power and no water (strikes, strikes everywhere) so I was even more stressed while trying to remain sane and revise. I am trying to keep myself calm by all means: yoga, meditation music while sleeping, valerian extract pills, lavender relaxing mist on my pillow. All combined, they help. Luckily!

I also lost a whole kilo, which is the positive side note. I like laying down on my stomach to sleep and feeling every inch of your stomach matching with the mattress. That said, I am still consulting a nutritionist and trying everything the healthy way, it's just this feeling. This. Feeling.

Body Rambling

I just thought I'd pop into here and wish you all a lovely Wednesday. I am feeling way more calm than last week (getting my period definitely helps) and I am back on track in my nutrition. I am half way through de-bloating and starting again for achieving weight loss!

Couple of people have again commented on me having lost some weight, it's a fact now. I thought I would feel amazing, like they are giving me a huge compliment. Well, you know what? Now that I can see it myself, I have worked and bled for it, I don't need no fucking 'compliment'. The quotes here are for the friends who say it as an obligation, as an obvious 'this cup of coffee is nice' type of thing. But okay, no hate. I do this for myself, I will continue to do it until I feel ah-mazing. To the others, who genuinely are happy for my achievement, thank you so much.

You know, I am not being a bitch here. My friends as well as my 'friends' know that I have almost been hospitalised due to my nutrition. That I feel confident in a thinner body and I strive for that. In bad ways and in good ways. So now that I have never been healthier, a cheer would be nice.

But again, this is a personal goal and I would first cheer with myself, before letting anybody ruin it for me. I should probably get back to studying, keep me in your prayers.

some outfit inspiration.
must-not-shop-until-London-time.
seriously though.

Stay focused

I spend my days indoors. I try to give myself the push that is needed to commit to studying. I get a lot of sleep, eat a lot (a LOT damn it) and stay as calm as possible. Some days pills help. If I pass these four exams I am on my way out of this university, town, island and country. I can start the next step and my life will change. I don't know whether for the better or the worse, but I am a person that needs change every now and then. So *fingers crossed*

Today I booked my London tickets. I am leaving on March for a three month internship that has nothing to provide me but experience and a change from this scenery. I will take both, thank you. I am excited that I can post and update you from London in a little while. Aren't you?

Jan 15

These past days have been a little blah. Blah is a word I use to describe several things, so I am not sure you got the idea but oh, well. Exams are getting close, and I can't yet again force myself to behave and start the hardcore studying.

I felt I had to make an update about the boy though. After hours of texting during the holidays (we live at different towns), two nights of pure amazing sex and a couple of glasses of wine, I think we are 'compatible'. But we live apart, like one hour by plane apart. Eight hours by boat apart. So we didn't do the silly thing; that is to create a long distance relationship out of the blue. And we both decided on that.
But he got a different mind. So he started texting me, saying that he wished I was there, and he misses me and stuff like that. All of these apply to me too, I just don't want a relationship with my computer (my lovely gorgeous Macbook Air haha). So next month, and before I leave for London he is going to visit me for 3-4 days. Just to live everything again. I am happy about that, but I am going even further away than I am now. I am afraid of what he might ask of me -to keep a long distance one.

I don't want to rush my thoughts so far though.
We shall see.

black outfit and coffee, how not to fall in love?

Buckle Up

I said I'd post soon, yet it's so long past new year's eve that I almost feel dizzy when I think about it. The days went by so so quickly. I had a really good time, I had some shitty time, but if I add everything up it was a good two-week holiday!

As you can probably tell I am back home. Back to my island, back to reality, to school. And this is hopefully the last time I am coming back here after Christmas holidays (I am planning to graduate this year). 2014 has only just begun, but I have everything planned to the minute. So I have one and only resolution this year: make my plans happen!

and if you don't know it by now, I have the biggest girl crush on her! *and if you visit her site you know what my hair colour inspiration is. crazy old picture by the way

As for the New In, I don't know what kind of demon has possessed me, but I am sooo into lipsticks lately. Which I guess is a good thing, because all the blackness of my outfits get some colour action. So after my first disaster on the Mac counter I did my research and got two matte shades, *Please Me* and of course *Ruby Woo*.
I also got a Zara polka dotted crop top (black with white dots) and with the Ruby Woo and straight straight chocolate hair I was so 'retro' on a night out, I had so much fun just feeling different than usual (if I don't sound that stupid right now).

Until next time,
xo