The dead

Free at last. Exams are officially over and I have yet to calm down. I slept so much this afternoon, trying to make up for the lack of sleep over these past days. No amount of sleep in-clothes can make up for that though. I'll wait until the night comes...

In the meantime, I am already wearing my Regal Rose accessories that arrived this morning! Not all of them, cause sadly they don't all match.. I shall wait for my Asos order and then a New In post is what's happening!

I don't think I make decent sentences right now.
I will spend the rest of my day looking for a part time job. Does anyone know where I can get a job as a part time online fashion journalist? I mean, I'm looking for a small online fashion magazine that I can maybe send some articles monthly. Is that even a job? I don't know...
Commetns on that will be much much appreciated :)

xx

Smirnoff

This is the last weekend of my exams. THANK GOD. I can't take another one of these..seriously. Thursday is the final exam and after that I will be able to breathe again. Not that I study, no. I literally can't breathe normally these past three days. It's the stress, it's the PMS, it's everything and anything really.

I get so bored over situations, it's unreal. To cheer myself up I did two things that have been noticed to work: a little working out and some shopping. As long as the workout is concerned, next week I'm ditching my old gym, getting a membership at another one, getting a few massage appointments along the way and disappear inside it.
As for the shopping, I will make the New In post when it's time. I got some jewellery, and two clothing items  that I've been lusting over since Christmas. Expect in around weekend, if delivery is on time. :)

Tomorrow's exam is going to be such a fucking disaster. I can't care more though. My heart hurts when I think about it. Ridiculous, I know..but it is how it is. The only thing I can feel proud of right now, is my nails. They have grown so much and it means a lot to me that I've stopped bitting.

I have been enjoying sleep these days though. At least. I put the heating a bit more, and make a nest with the covers. It makes me feel safer, more relaxed and peaceful. Lately I hate waking up alone, but it is the only option for me, it seems.

Oh, well. I'm sure in a few days I will be better,
sleeping diagonally in my bed, happier than ever :p

the only progress I've made 

look, they even match with the straw

xx

p.s. I know the double rope ring looks ridiculously small. it's adjustable and I like to play with it.
I really wonder when I will ruin it :p

Close your eyes and listen

..and it's raining outside.

I've been waiting for this rain a few days now. I will attempt to say that I am back on track, eating broccoli, boiled eggs, tomato soup and I already feel more balanced. I smile. This is how I am, so the more quickly I understand it, the better. Mum told me once again on the phone 'just be happy okay? everything else is secondary, just try to be happy". It hurts me that she is concerned about such a thing..

p.s. it's a weird period for me right now, with the exams and all, so stay with me through all these moody posts. thank you

xx

Re-load

I'm trying to get myself to sit at the desk and actually study, but I seem to fail.. These past couple of days I have remained optimistic, but the thoughts of the last post continued to depress me. After 48 hours of thinking (!), I reached to the conclusion: I feel ugly and worthless.

You know, even changing the "I am ugly and worthless" into "I feel ugly and worthless" makes a difference. I've realised that this is how I currently feel, and I found the possible causes of it:
1. since my nose surgery I have yet to go out, dress up and have a nice time drinking
2. my period is really close, so it's probably PMS acting up
3. I have to force myself to study, knowing that I might fail in some exams
4. haven't lost a pound since like forever

So, these are the things that I worked on.
This morning I went into the drugstore and bought a face mask and Nurofen for period pain (to be prepared). I spent three hours studying, which gave me some confidence and I filled up my fridge with yogurt, milk, broccoli and Kellog's Special K.

In a month one of my friends is visiting me and I want to look right (happy & pretty).

being happy. I made this.

xx

So we've come to this

I'm not very keen on posting lately. Some of you may have noticed. I think it's because of my exams, I don't go out much, so I lack of inspiration and news to share with you guys. So this post may be published, or maybe not, depending on how it goes..

I've been feeling lonely. Spending all of your day at home is a little too much, even for me, who as you know lack the lust for intimacy. I may be Skyping all day, but at the end of it, I sleep alone, eat alone, listen to music alone. Yeah, I know this is what I want most of the times, but this is the time when I seek for some company.
At the same time I turned down two invites for drinks tonight. From the people I like and hang out the most here. Why? Well, I don't know how to explain it, but I'll try anyway in case some of you might understand. I start to feel scared to go out again. I'm scared of the night, of Fridays and Saturdays when there's lots of people outside. I'd rather sit here and watch series by myself, than panic at the thought of going out tonight and returning home.

So, I won't even bother.

Raw

It's already Tuesday and I'm almost recovered from all this sickness -heating the house with air-condition makes me ill all over again though. I try to use it as less as possible, but for where I live, this is winter.

I'm doing well so far. First step is manage to de-bloat from all the Christmas eating, then lose some actual weight. Yesterday, for example, I replaced the pomegranate cocktail that everyone else got with a fresh juice. I could do that because it was fucking 8 in the afternoon, so I wasn't in the mood for alcohol anyway. I'm getting back my power slowly, one step at a time, and even though I know rough times will come, I know I can get everything back.

I haven't bitten my nails for two weeks now and I'm so excited about that! Especially since it's exams period right now, so nail biting would be probably first thing on the list. Can I randomly add a goal here? 56 by May. May is when I will have to be in a bikini (trip details later on time). Have to be 56? No, MUST be. I can only dream for now: sandals, playsuits, smoothies, sunglasses...oh!

cute Alexa

xx

She drinks wine. And vodka.

It's weird I am finally back home. I've missed my place so much. My old, cold yet beautiful apartment, that I have grown so much love for. It's big and sunny, and I like how the sun falls onto my keyboard as I'm writing this post. I'm definitely going to miss this..

My nose is getting back to normal again, and I can touch it and wash it without any pain. I don't see that big of a difference but to be fair, I believe it's a more chic form of my old one! That's what I wanted, that's what we agreed with the doctor. I like it, but I will wait a week or so to make the complete comment on it.

So, as of today, I am starting the schedule I've posted few days ago. I know it will suit me well, but I have to limit my nights outdoors and bloody stick to it. I will keep a food diary too, and sometimes I will post my intake with photos here as well. Comment below if you will be interested in this, so I will know how many posts/week about it I should do.

Oh, and the status remains: no beer, no beef. 

Good morning.

Alive- Hustle Roses

Taking the stitches and bandages off came as a slight shock to me. It was an unbearable pain to start with, but when I managed to get up and look at the mirror, all I could see was a piggy nose. The doctor and my mom were standing behind me, with a smile on their faces, all like 'sooo..what do you think??'. I tried to smile, saying half of a 'it looks fine' and sat my ass on the chair again. I know it is bloated, I know cause I see it, cause the doctor said so, cause the surgery was only a week ago. But don't fucking look me in the eye expecting to sound all excited about the bloody (literally) nose!!

Aaaanayway. I went to the hair salon, washed and straightened my hair, had a dark purple manicure&pedicure with my sister and then went for a couple of mojitos. It felt like being alive for a change. It felt good, but then I felt dizzy. I went to bed earlier than the rest. But it felt pretty good to be back.

current necklace obsessions, 

left one from Bershka, right one from a trip to Barcelona

awesome cocktail bar 

mani- pedi at last!

my new biker boots

I haven't taken them off since I got them :)

xx

Getting started

Now that I have all my nose and health problems sorted out, it's time to face the outside world; reality. And that means exams. I am feeling relaxed and optimistic for the year that just started (stay tuned to see that change, just saying) so I shall make a list again. Keep in mind my last week's list went pretty well :)

So I made a daily schedule, just to keep me focused on the things I must do this following month. I know I won't be able to keep it every single day, but it works for me to know what I am going to do from the moment I wake up until I sleep.

EXAM'S SCHEDULE (may the Lord mercy us)

08.30-09.30 --> Green tea & gym. Cardio on the elliptical, focus on abs and butt exercises.
10.30-14.00 --> Coffee and fitness bar. Study.
14.00-16.00 --> Lunch break. Veggies with protein OR wild rice. Green tea.
16.00-21.00 --> Coffee and fruit platter. Study.
21.00-23.00 --> Out with friends for a break OR yoga/pilates for an hour, focus on arms. Yogurt. Sleep.

This might work and keep me focused on both passing my exams and getting my body back.

photo is the lovely and gorgeous Maf , my blogger-crush!

well, I'm not quite sure if that's her name but oh, my!!

xx

Hey, 2 0 1 3

Happy New Year to all!!
let's make 2013 the best year yet :)

Day 15 of Christmas holidays, day 15 of me staying at home. I don't know why I haven't gone crazy yet. The schedule is pretty strict: wake up, eat, watch tv, shower, eat, sleep, watch tv, eat, sleep. My family has made it so much easier for me, taking care of me, keeping me company, bringing me little presents and little cupcakes.. Tomorrow morning I'm going to the doctor's to take off the bandages and to check my nose. It will still be bloated, but I can finally breathe normally and shower and maybe go to my local Starbucks even (dreaming big here lol). My boots arrived and I can't wait to wear them to the hospital tomorrow!!

I must admit 2013 started off really good, with new dark hair and a prettier (hopefully) nose and plans for travelling (more on that later on) and all my loved ones healthy and happy.
What more to ask for?

If you're wondering what my resolution are, remember I do those on my birthday every year. But, nonetheless, I have one: love myself a little bit more this year. Take good care of my health and image, because I neglected it a little bit. I know for a fact a thin and pretty body will make me happier, so this is what I aim for. Again. It's okay.