LONDON, BABY

Wednesday 23rd of June
3.45 in the afternoon
Hey, I am here.. I know.. I didn’t disappear without a reason it’s just I had my friends over and it was so hard checking my blog with them signing in and out of Facebook.

So right now I’m on the plane home (actually when I wrote this I was..) because I couldn’t find a direct flight to London. I have 2 hours free at the airport so my parents are coming (missed me huh?) and I’m so excited I’m finally and officially on holidays!!!!!!

On my birthday (the 21st) I had so much fun, I turned 20 and I’m happy about it! We celebrated our birthdays together with E –she had it on the 20th- so it was huge!!

Anyway.. I got on the scale today morning and showed 56.1 again. Pity I didn’t manage to get it down to 54+ but I had to eat my cake and it was super delicious, I couldn’t possibly resist :)

So I’ll try to post this sometime when no one is around (from my sister’s laptop) and I’m coming home on the 2nd of July..
Till then I’ll be wandering around London and we will go to a spa, too!!

I hope you are doing better than I am thinspo-wisely and enjoying the summer as much as I do!!!!

Love you all :D

Round round.. baby?

Hot hot hot it's soo freaking hot in here..

I cannot stand up and not feel like fainting, my a/c cannot be powered cause the control is out of batteries and apparently if you loose that you can't operate this machine in no other way. Weird. Chinese technology is what I was relying at, now that's collapsed, too..

Within two hours I have drank about a 1.5L of cold water including ice cubes, a diet coke and a 2% yogurt but none of these can cool my body..

oh! and now he is playing my song finally!
my best friend has an online radio show and I've requested Smile in your sleep -Silverstein so after about 2 hours he palyed it. Well it's a live version but oh, well :)

So for today it has been a slice of bread, a salad and a small ice cream and the things that tried to make me feel less like I was near the sun(!), although they failed.

Today I tried to get over Di by going out on a date with another guy I spent the whole Saturday with (we met at a concert..?..do I ring any bells?).
Let's call him O. So we went out, we talked about stuff, mostly about snowboard (oh snowboard..that's a cold thought, I'm melting here!), told me he liked me etc etc but of course he knew about Di and he knows I'm leaving for London so there is no point. Luckily. Of course he invited me for dinner at his place on Wednesday -pesto spagetti. I only hope he doesn't know how to cook well, so I don't have to eat it. We had fun today so why won't we have fun on Wednesday, right?

On other news, I spend my mornings studying maths cause my final -and last- exam is on Friday and I really wish to at least pass it.

Yeah, I'm that bad at maths.

*haha just about to do some praying dance for a little wind (maybe just air!) in here*

No more, more..?

Ohh these past two days was so much fun!! I slept so little, danced and drunk so much had the weirdest serious conversations after 5 am and had a great time!!

So as I told you, I went to another town for a beach party and stayed at E's house. Wow her mother was cooking for us all day long and it was fun, cause I didn't quite understand all the things she was saying (different dialects). We went out at night and literally came back at morning (6.30 that was) after going to all the clubs there (which were like 5 or 6 but it was alot!) with two guys, friends of E.
Then we returned here (saturday night) and went for a (simple) walk at the beach with one of the guys we met last Saturday, and returned home at 3.. me, him and E because we decided to finish my bottle of Vodka with my U.O test shooters! So we talked about random things, drinking and then of course I told him about Di. He seemed a little annoyed -then I realised he maybe likes me- and he was giving me the lamest advice about it..it was so much fun cause he was serious about it!!
We finally slept at 9 am (of course I sent him home), really dizzy but so happy.

Maybe these two days were the best party days since I moved here like, really!

Hmm..about Di and about the scale: two things that consider me much.
This morning (actually I woke up at 2 pm) my scale showed 55.8 and it's good because with all the food at E's house I was freaked out. As for Di.. well he was fun on Friday he was speaking Italian to me (lol) and was really looking forward to meet. But I texted him last night when I came to my house and he like answered 2 hours later -that really pisses me off you should know. We talked a bit and he seemed rather jealous that I went to the party but I'm thinking he just fools around so I didn't text him after the third message..I mean we are not together any more, so he cannot be jealous about anything, if he wants me then he should like meet me halfway, I cannot do everything on my own here!

Anyway, here is a photo of Friday's beach party (hope it looks clear..) we had some fireworks too.. it was rather awesome :)

I fly like paper, get high like planes..

Cell biology.
Fuck my life..

It's just that I can't focus. I'm constantly cold, I am distracted from everything I do, even listening to music can give me a headache..too much to handle?
Of course I'm still dancing around like a little child. Once my maths teacher -when I told him my pressure stats and what I have- was like oh, you should be lying down in a hospital bed.. It's not that serious, but it has to do with energy indeed.. I have narrowed my intake of the pill to ..twice a week? Twice a day is so tiring!

I'm currently listening to two songs:
Stylo -Gorillaz and Bucky Done Gun -M.I.A.
Now I know these two have nothing in common..but I love them :)

Mmm..on the 23rd I will be in London. I hope I will be 54+ till then, at least.
*London ooooh, Londonnnn*

I also texted Di today (his status on facebook left me no other choice) and told him we need to go for coffee, if he wants it too. He told me he's extremely busy cause his exam is on Friday, but after that we should meet. On Friday I'm going to a town two hours from here until Saturday night for a beach party (quite a reason, don't you think) so I hope we meet at least on Saturday night. Of course it should not matter. He leaves (for the summer) on the 18th which is like next Thursday? yes, before my birthday (on the 21st) so I don't really think we will be together again. I just want to tell him a few things. Things that I feel and have decided to share for the first time in my life, even though I always feel so naked sharing my feelings.
I need him to know.

We'll see..
I've switched to Paper Planes -M.I.A. now.. it's more calm and it gives me time to think what I want to tell you. I am out of coffee, so I guess I have to go to the supermarket (although I hate supermarket coffee, but stores are closed for the day). Oh and dish soap.. I need some nail polish remover too. Important stuff.

Beach party*

Oh, I think we got new followers..
welcome to my blog :):)

I got to my scale this morning: 55.9
at least it's 55 so I am happy enough!! today I had 2%fat yogurt with corn flakes, a tall iced white choco latte and a salad.. I'm assuming 600 all? I have my tae-bo class this afternoon, and then I'm going for drinks with E and two guys I don't know yet (long story, the one was at my school back home -I dont even remember him though- and now we go to the same uni so he thought it's time we met).

I am so in this mood right now:
"Talking bout you all is such a bore
..I'd rather talk about moi" -M.I.A.

I don't know why I'm such in a great mood, but I love it!
I started watching How I Met Your Mother (yes, during my exams, I know I suck) and I got to the 4th or 5th episode, the one with the Slutty Pumpkin, and I got so inspired by Robin! She had the exact same boyfriend situation..
anyway this series is awesome indeed :)

Look at us, but do not touch..

Yesterday was FUN :D
so me and my friend E went to a concert which was both rock and hip hop (lol) and we had a great time.. I liked the rock part, she was thrilled about the hip hop so everybody was happy!
I got to meet the drummer of the band (yeiii for single girls!) and some of his friends and we added each other on facebook this morning.. not that big a deal but I needed some new guy(s) on my Saturday night :)

I only had one glass of beer, so Silly Girl that was for you :D
I was feeling very nice last night, and I'm still feeling great, I even wore my jean skirt today when I went for lunch with E.(no need to mention I was wearing a long jacket too) although summer is officially here!

I had a salad and a tall iced non-fat mocha coffee and for breakfast corn flakes it was. So I have to finish studying for my PlantBiology exam for tmrrw, so black coffee for the rest of the day. I took my pill, too!

Oh, I almost forgot!!
We had an earthquake a few hours ago. Luckily I wasn't home but I felt it, I don't mind, I'm not scared of earthquakes as long as the building doesn't fall down :P

Blah blah blaaaah..

I'm lost somewhere between PlantBiology and facebook all day today. Okay, I have a confession to make:
I kinda.. a little bit.. I just want him in my life again.
There it is, I said it!

We talked the day before yesterday and I told him I miss him, he sounded surprised and told me he misses me too.. So I said well I have to go to the gym, so if you want to talk to me text me okay? He said okay and kissed me through the phone.
I was happy enough..
I waited over my phone one whole day and I'm sorry for me already. So today we were "playing" around facebook and msn, he actually refused to talk to me and followed me wherever I was online. But I wasn't that desperate to text him first again. So I waited, studying about Plants and trying to kill a small insect in my kitchen (didn't manage to, though..I wonder where it is atm..) and then BAM! he texted me on fb. We talked more random than ever and he sounded awkward enough so I didn't tell him to come over for coffee. End of story.

I know..I know..
I have to just forget about him. And you know what? If that was the kind of "talk" he understood I wanted us to have, then maybe sth is really wrong with our Chemistry.. such a pity, but I can accept that.
Can I??

Anyways.. I forgot to tell you about my intake. See? Something's wrong with me!
So I had Kellogs Special K corn flakes with non-fat milk for breakfast, an apple, about 3 cups of black coffee and a 2%-fat greek yogurt. And that's all, too many I know but I stopped eating at around 4pm so now I'm having water and I assume a beer too, cause Saturday night is coming.
:D

Goodmorning to all :)

Yesterday was a full day, (nephron anatomy it was!! but it was okay..I guess I passed it with a good grade) and then my friend's (E's) mom cooked for the two of us, so I spent my noon eating chicken with pasta covered in fat and my afternoon at the gym running running running... I got so tired (pills? thanks, I think I'll pass..) that I slept with wet hair after my bath.
-you really don't want to see how my hair looks this morning :p


*Anyway I will get to the point: Sun-Lit~ gave me a Beautiful Blogger Award !!

oh, I want to thank you so much cause these days I feel anything but Beautiful and of course I will follow your blog, I read some posts and I love the way you write your feelings down sweety :)

So I decided to tell you some things you probably don't know about me..

1. I was biting my nails until I was 16. I mean hard, till blood comes out, my parents were devastated but there was nothing they could do that they didn't try. But when I met him (I have talked about the one that was the one for me in a so special way..and I don't mean my first, but he is still everything for me) and had to go to a party with him holding my hand I immediatly stopped biting them and painted my nails dark purple.
My nails are dark purple ever since then. My new friends have never seen my nails paint-free.


2. I strongly and utterly believe that it is stupid to have feelings. And I know that's stupid. I tend to be hard on myself but I'm often hard to others too, and that makes me sentimental. It's a cycle I can't get out of.


3. I straighten my hair every day. I mean literally. I can't leave the house for two days and not take my straightener with me. I can forget my cell phone, but not my GHD straightener. My hair is not curly, but it's so many and opposite to the fact that I want everything as slim as it gets.


4. I hate orange. I mean I actually hate that colour. I don't like it for my stuff and I don't accept it on others. I like orange juice though..
My favourite colours are green, hot pink and grey.


5. I couldn't sleep well since last year. I ended up having four (4) covers and a pillow mist (which I still use) and I still couldn't sleep.
The truth is that I am scared to sleep. Now that I live alone I wait until I am exhausted and then I go to sleep. I always look under my bed and always check twice if the door is locked. And yes, my childhood was great, no traumatic things.
The sleepless hours spent on my bed is the time for fake memories..
I am crazy, thank you.


6. As I have already told you, my mom is fat. She was addicted to chocolate but now she is getting better, loosing weight. This year I realised how much I love her. She, too. It's cruel that my mom thought I didn't love her until now. I feel so bad about it, I had to move out to get it.
Anyway, as a child my parents forced me and my sister to go to the scale every morning and they were checking our weight, telling us fat is bad, and we were both normal weight kids. The reason -I realised long after- was they didn't want us to be fat and feel sorry for ourselves growing up, cause my mom had the worst time back then.
I feel so bad, and I have never laughed at a fat person, never! and I cannot accept such behaviour.
Of course all these left me an ED, but oh, well.


7. Oh, I have a silly one. I am scared to buy an ipod. It's true. Along with number3 on this list, my mp3 device is my life. Music is my life. And still, even though I have the money to buy one, I feel so weird to buy an ipod. I'm sure my next mp3 will be some other random label.. I need some help here! :p


8. I don't have a tv here. So I spend my days watching Friends online. I mean again and again and again random episodes and laugh every single time! There are so many series online, but I just watch Friends and Big Bang Theory.


Well this is it. Now you know more things about me. I hope it didn't get boring!
love you, xoxo

*The chemicals between us..

I have an empty room in my house. I like to call it my boudoir, although it's not that fancy, it's more of a closet.. next year I'm bringing my bed to this room, to make it a wonderful bedroom.
Until then, here is where I spend most of my time when my emotions are intense. I like sitting on the floor. I always have, it makes me calm.. it helps me to stay focused and think. I love to study, laugh, cry, dance on the floor. These days it's not one of these. I just sit on my yoga mat and listen to mucis. All kinds of music, as my mood changes every thirty seconds, no lie. Everything repulses me..

Tmrrw I have my second exam: English for Biology II. Okay, I know it is an easy test, I mean it's English, but try to memorise the nephron anatomy.. Of course it is the easiest out of the 6, so I don't panic.


As for other news, today I had a home made lemonade, a chicken salad and some sugar free cookies. Of course having drunk black coffee all day today, all these are no longer in my stomach, luckily.. E does not leave me alone this week, cause she says I'm too calm and that's quite disturbing for me. Ha, I wonder what she is afraid of, I'm not stupid enough to get depression because of men.
Well, duh!