Calling

Hello from London! I'm here, safe and sound, after two flights and several trying-to-sleeps later. Getting off the plane and smelling the rain combined with the smell of the subway made me smile. I know, it's disgusting, but to me it brings back so many holiday memories.

On the schedule this week is lots of shopping, some eating (I've already had some sushi and a mini velvet cupcake) and a Keratin Blowout Treatment. If you don't know what that is, please Google it, it's a softening/straightening method for the hair and I am excited for my appointment on Wednesday. It's particular expensive though and has had some bad reviews (along with thousands of positive ones) so I've been back and forth. But now the date is fixed, so I'm doing this!

Other than that, I have some errands to run for my sister -she works all the time so I'm glad to help her around the house/dry cleaning, Tesco and stuff.

It feels like home.

this is actually quite nice, Whitney

much love, xx

Get a copy

I feel the need to update this blog. During these past two weeks my mood swings have gone wild. I'm talking about real highs and REAL lows. This situation is energy consuming and nerve racking. Added to the pressure I've been having lately makes a super real bomb. And it feels like it's about to explode any time now.

The only good news come from my lab. My supervisor told me that I am one of the best who have been in this position through the years. That made me happy. Really happy for a while. But other than that, I've been in a quite shitty mood. G is acting really strange, even bitter some times and I was really hurt when we went to drinks on Tuesday. I don't need this shit. I know what I am, and I don't need psychotherapy and criticism from no one.

So I decided to act thinking of me, and thinking a lot lot less. I want somebody to be able to talk to, share my day and NOT someone who knows my whole past, and drinks coffe with it on a Saturday evening. It's not his fault, I know that they are his friends but it's not working any more, I worry too much if 'they' are with G, at his house. If they will show up at the bar and we will all have to sit at the same table. I worry too much so I'm going to back off. I texted another guy, who liked me and doesn't know any of them, and I will let him try to take my mind off things. It's the only solution that comes to mind.

Saturday I'm flying to London.
I truly hope I will find the happiness to do this trip some justice. Stupid brain.

This is going to be good

This weekend, instead of studying, I literally opened no book and decided to 'prepare' myself for London shopping. Of course I check my favourite online stores at least four times a week, but now I did a more serious job. I tried to match what I need with what I want and what's in style this season. I made a huge list from Topshop, Urban Outfitters, Office shoes, Kurt Geiger and American Apparel, and I'm planning to do some SERIOUS shopping.

I strongly believe that this season is one of my favourites fashion-wise. I mean there are lots of styles to choose from but this season's rock chic is truly brilliant! The army jackets, the oversized cardigans, the lacey bras and the ankle boots. All the 'minimals'. The blacks and the greys. They boy-ish grunge look.

Je t'adore.

Cinnamon

I know I've been M.I.A lately, but there's more action than I care to admit in my life. I am constantly running around campus or taking busses or both. Even though I like having things to do from the moment I wake up until I go to sleep every day, sometimes it's just too much.

Now I found this new thing, where I go to the gym BEFORE going to the lab. It's the only solution I see to my butt going softer each day. I wake up at 7.30 (instead of 8.30), I walk 15 minutes to the gym so I'm already sweating, I do another half an hour of cardio (usually elliptical) and then some ab and butt exercises and I'm done. This early in the morning and having had half a green tea to go, I burn calories like hell and (I think) I'm waking up my metabolism too. I have a shower at gym and then go to the bus stop to go to the lab at 10.00am. It works.

But since last night I am at a really low point. I think I haven't been more fat in my life. I hate everything on me and my scale thinks so too. I have to stop eating when I get home. Next Saturday I'm gonna be in London for fuck's sake! Anyway, I keep calm for as long as I can and I will try to fix that too. I guess you all know where to find me from now on at 8 in the morning..

I love this

the colours, the long necklace, the collarbones

Drama, please

And here we are at the end of the second day of the congress. On a Saturday night, I'm already on the bed, after a nice dinner and long bath. Very tiring weekend, and all I want is a shot of tequila. Of course the lectures are teaching and inspiring and the people you get to know and listen to are a huge opportunity for an under grad like me. Twelve hours of seminars really break you down though. All I am about to do now is try to sleep, thinking. Tomorrow is the last day of it all.

Thinking about what, you may wonder. Yesterday it was O's birthday. Of course I was not invited, I'm already guessing it was an all boys drinking fest, both at his new place and at the bar, but that isn't the problem. I texted him wishing happy birthday and never got a reply. That means he was either out of phone credits or still hurt and pissed off. I am not okay with that. With G being one of his closest friends and me sleeping in the same bed with him. Boys can get evil when they drink, and I'm not trusting G with not telling how close me and him are lately. On the other hand, it frustrates me that O would think I want to ruin his birthday by showing to the bar at his birthday. I bet he still thinks I'm a total bitch. Well, it's inside my genes and I always have a plan to screw everyone up in case needed, no question about that, but there's nobody in this fucking town I care more about his feelings than O. And he doesn't let me do right.

Boom Boom

Tequila makes everything easier. After yesterday's panic attack I had absolutely no intention of going out for drinks. But if your nights out are that eliminated lately, you really have no other choice. If you want to keep your social interactions, that is.

So even though at first I wore a very casual outfit, trying not to care so much, when K came I realised I had to 'grow up' and don't let my mood affect my outfit and then, my outfit affect all the night. So I put on my topshop shirt, my ripped jeans and my grey oxfords and I was casual chic. And after a couple of tequila cocktails I was in a great mood!

Certain people that could ruin my night were out of town and certain people that I've missed (like O) were there. Even though we didn't get to talk -cause he's not talking to me- it was nice to see he's doing okay. He was looking sweet again.

What I'm trying to say is that, even though my day was a perfect nightmare, if you try a little bit and don't let everything go, you can fix your damn day. And your night :)

No title

Oh my, I hate this weather! I don't think I can express the level of my rage in words. It cannot be the second day of November and be THIS hot. It really annoys me. Honestly, I get the grumpiest when it's this hot.

Among these three and a half years of university I've had a panic attack on campus approximately 10 times. Second year is when it all started. Today I had another one. I can talk you through it.

I wake up positively okay. I weight myself, as I do every morning, and I proceed to get dressed and head for the bus station. Like a typical girl, I often 'don't have anything to wear' so dressing up may take a while. In the panic-attack-coming days that takes more than an hour, with me throwing every shirt around and getting hotter and hotter until I start to sweat- first sign. I realize this is out of control so I try to catch my breath and wear the easiest outfit I can. I usually don't listen to music on the bus cause it makes me dizzy- second sign. But I have to go to university so I can't go back. I arrive at uni all in sweat, and I start to get the idea that I smell bad. Trying to avoid contact and getting close to any other students, I go to study at the common room. Then is when it all blows up.
Trying not to look all freaked out, I start thinking everyone is talking about me. My ugly face, my greasy hair, my thunder thighs, my bad smell. Every laugh echoes through my mind and I start looking everywhere around me like a crazy person, trying to breathe. If I can, I get the hell out of there withing the next four minutes. I got back to the bus stop, get a seat and close my eyes until I get home. I lock the door behind me, take off all of my clothes and go under the sheets breathing loudly. If I fall asleep, I usually wake up much better. If I can't, it takes me about three hours of staring at the ceiling to recover from it.

Seven in the afternoon and I am really better.
I hate this weather.