Oh I am terribly sorry.. I wish everyone of you had a happy Christmas

-and will hopefully have an unforgettable, super awesome New Year :)

I visited my grandmother during Christmas. She's at a clinic cause she fell and can't walk anymore.. I really miss having her cooking and knitting. But she is healthy and that's what matters. I visited my cousins, too. But that is not important.

I am officially afraid of holiday dinners. I had so many of them, and there are more to come. Italian cuisine means three things to all the other people: pasta-pizza-gelato

but one thing to me: NIGHTMARE. And the worst is that I like pizza and I like pasta and I like gelato and everyone knows that so I can't hide. But just thinking all the remorse when I fly back home, and my scale (really who believed I could possibly reach 55? it's going to take many more months I guess..) I could just have another of those headaches. We don't want that.

Anyway my next post would be the New Year's resolutions, but I believe it will be around 4-5 of January so stay tuned! I wish all of you and your families well!

Goodnight *

Non fat, non caffeine, soya milk..

We are about to go pick my sister up from the airport.. finally! luckily her flight wasn't cancelled, cause heathrow is going crazy lately with all that snow and ice..

Hmm let's see..since my last post some things have changed: I visited my summer house and saw my dog (oh she has gone big!), highlighted my hair -that copper colour which makes my light brown hair just tiny bit of red-ish. Oh, and got a little "present". Valmane. That is valerian extract, small white crazy pills.. my mom told a doctor about my non-stop head aching and she gave her the pills. Now I am officially crazy, I know this is pure natural but oh well.

I am more calm now..I don't know if the pills are working, probably three per day will do something but I am calm and smiling. I don't want to cry again.. I stopped the massive eating too, so maybe I can look normal until Christmas Day. I mean not loose, but de-bloat (?).

Can me and my dog look like that? nah, actually my dog is prettier

.. so could it just be me?

I think I disappeared enough. I am home, it's a lovely Sunday morning and I'm drinking my black mocha flavoured coffee alone. After what happened yesterday my parents decided they better not be here when I wake up. They succeeded.

We love each other but we just can't get along nicely lately. My sister pointed out that I have become much more sensitive than I was and it's killing me. I agree. She's coming on Wednesday.. I cannot wait.

In other news, I get really moody. I have accepted the fact that I'm not getting down on 55 by New Year's Eve. Maybe I can put that to my resolutions cause it seems harder and harder. Oh I'm such a looser when it comes to weight loss..and not in a good way. Really not.

Anyway I should probably end this post.

It's not that I have something to inspire you. We'll talk soon :)

Love me any less

I really thought about this post several times today. Didn't really want to make one. By the end of the day I changed my mind another hundred times, so here I am on the bed ready to sleep.

Today was a lonely day, driving lesson, getting my hair straightened and just watching tv aching in pain cause of my stomach. I wasn't feeling okay, but agreed to go out with E for lunch at 7pm just cause we both leave tomorrow for our home towns.. We went to a nice restaurant that makes a really nice and plain steak but they were already closing so we went for pasta instead. I ordered salmon pasta (yes, I was freaked out to eat pasta two days in a row) and literally ate three bites, no cheese added. Then I started playing with it and kept talking about what I will be doing when I get home. She asked me three times if I have noticed I haven't eaten any of my food and just avoided to answer..

I am not okay, I feel lonely. A couple of minutes ago, as I was brushing my teeth I thought about my New Year's resolutions. I thought that last year I had 5 and achieved 4.5 and I was so happy, or I thought I was.

So just then I thought maybe my goal for 2011 will be to make everything it takes to feel happy for more than a week. In a row. Yes, I probably would go for that.

I'll let you know..

If I could be sweet?

I didn't sleep as much as I would have wanted, cause we had a Genetics quiz..what a busy week before Christmas! I then went with one of my friends to a toy's store and bought 3 fridge magnets and white christmas lights to put at my house so it can look like holidays. I liked them, I think they are staying all year round!

So then I had a driving lesson (oh, after 1.5 weeks I couldn't remember much -oups!), cleaned my house from all the mess and here I am! I had 2 cups of tea and 2 of coffee during the day, one banana and the tiniest plate filled with plain pasta -no cheese, just tomato oil free sauce. I am kinda hungry but there is no point eating because I will soon go to sleep. Happy about that, too!

So my sister told me to choose a coloured iPhone case so that could be her xmas present to me. I honestly have no idea of such things, so I googled it and found something called iSkin that has lots of them. I am between the Solo FX blue, red and purple. If anyone of you know what I am talking about, please help me choose. Oh, and the iPhone is black so it would be much darker colour. Not that it's super important, I don't care about the colour as long as it's not ORANGE -you know how much I hate that colour..

On Thursday I'm flying home :)

christmas holidays, but exams start after that so there will be some studying. I wouldn't say a lot though cause it's Christmas haha.

probably the best thing is that the shop on the ground floor offered to take care of my fish! oh, how relieved I am! I hope they love him as much as I do so that he would be alive and swimming when I get back..

love that photo, not sure why though

Down, what?

Please tell me you still remember who I am.. I find that myself quite difficult right now though. But let me explain.. I had a Powerpoint presentation and an essay about the same topic that were due today. My team didn't really care so I was super nervous as you all witnessed last week.. so we got everything together this weekend, studied for 18 hours straight at Sunday (1 pm till Monday morning at 6.30, when we emailed our essay), and then slept till 10 am when we got back together to make the powerpoint slides for the presentation....

that was C R A Z Y

I couldn't function when we finally went to university, but when our presentation time came, we got everything nice and smooth (with some stupid mistakes of course) but we were told our essay was "perfect" -and the first one to come to professor's inbox (obviously).

I am so happy this nightmare was for a good result!

We passed the essay and got full points!

So of course I have NO other news, for two days Ecology was my whole life, so please forgive me about that. I promise a nice post tomorrow..

I'm going to sleep a.s.a.p

Missed you all*

A good morning

Hmm after an hour of crying like a baby on the phone to my sister who is at London (sorry for the bill, sister), 6 chocolate cookies, four cups of hot tea and 2 more of just boiled water I finally managed to calm down.

I also found a bath soap with cherry blossoms that is calming enough so I had a bath too. I slept quite well, dreaming of nightmares about the presentation (I have got to calm down!) and waking up in the middle of the night at some guy that played the guitar outside of my window..

Today's plan is: one cup of coffee with 4 hazelnuts for breakfast, then going at university to work on that presentation, then chicken salad (400cals) for lunch and then if I'm hungry after yoga, some boiled broccoli. It's a good start I think. I have only a week left till I fly to my home town, so there's not much I can do but I will try.

My whole body is in pain because of yoga and because my period is about to come (yes, all the crying has something to do with hormones too).

In order to make me feel better, my sister said she went to Topshop for me and got me some new undies (I love Topshop undies), a nice lace top, and that she is going to give me her iphone, cause she is switching to 4. Now this is a phone I would never buy for myself, so I'm happy that she's giving me her old one.

*My sister is the only person in the world I know who truly loves me and wants to make me happy no matter what. When we were little, my mom tells us, that whenever she was yelling at me, my sister would just feel nauseated and throw up.

Thank you for all the support girls. I feel very lucky to have you.

the left one is so skinny, so stylish, so happy

..so perfect

I guess I have to make a post. I mean I need to make one, but I don't have the motivation right now, to motivate myself to motivate you.

BUT there are questions to be answered and I miss you so much..

So my fish is eating again but I still don't know anyone who is staying here the entire holidays so he/she can take it.. I'm so afraid about what will happen.

I watched Inception two days ago. I really liked it, I thought it was so clever! And Ellen Page is a very good actress (saw her on Hard Candy a few days ago too), very expressing.

Some of you may not have seen it yet -you should totally rent it!- so I'm not going to say what I thought the end was.. I will definitely see it again!

*but I am so embarrassed to say it seemed to me like Matrix, even though I have only seen one of them .. :p

In other news, I went to yoga last night, liked it and now I'm going to the university.

I wouldn't care

I am living in a madness.

At university today there was a huge mess, I really didn't care about the problem that existed. They are all being unreasonable and I won't be part of it just because the majority wants to mess everything up.

We have a presentation next Monday (less than a week) and we haven't even started. Oh, how mad I am..I really would prefer to do it myself than be THIS nervous until Monday.

In addition to that, I'm leaving for my hometown next Thursday and I don't know where my fish is going to go. I mean I can't take him with me, I'm flying there: so no liquids..

Problems, problems, problems..

And what am I doing? Eating pasta. Lol.

I have to get myself together, I really do. I have only two weeks until Christmas. I need super powers to fix everything.

The only thing is that it's starting to get cold! It was about time I think. Of course the lowest we could reach was 15 Celsius degrees but we'll take it.

Oh and last night movie: The Prestige. Love love loved it!

Tonight's movie? Inception.

off for a run at the harbour, I hope you are all doing great!

pure perfection

Sorry I disappeared during the weekend.. I was studying for my theoretical driving exams, feeling angry and depressed for no reason. As a result I didn't study much. Luckily I passed them! You can only make one wrong answer but mine were all correct! I was really lucky because as it turned out I didn't have the second book I needed to study for the exams. My teacher's father was in the hospital and he forgot to tell me about it. Of course I understand, his father is very sick, I hope he does okay..

Anyway.

I'll make a proper post tomorrow, I promise. Oh I saw some movies during the weekend. I watched "When In Rome" and it was kinda boring but I laughed too, "Hard Candy" which I really liked cause I like thrillers (I hate horror films though) and "Sin City" which I -just- liked. Have you seen any of these??

Finally day IS over..

So this is my 200nth post!

I have decided to do another WhatsInMyBag post.. If you want my previous one click here, not much have changed though. I like this posts/videos cause you can see what's important and what silly stuff we carry in our bags. I hope you find it interesting, too :)

OH, before this just let me inform you about my blood tests. They are better than the ones in October and my parents are finally happy about them. Weird thing though, I wasn't really pleased to be healthy.. and that really worries me. But oh, well. Now I can focus on my weight loss without them getting into the way.

Today was a horrible day. My previous post kinda describes it. So I decided to cheer up myself the evil way. I'm embarrassed to tell you that I fed and fed and fed myself until I was way than full. That really cheered me up (highest amount of sugar in your body does wonders sometimes) and made it to yoga class. I walked to and from the gym and also had 15mins on the elliptical. It doesn't make up for the mess I made earlier but no panic attack tonight, so I'm good. Not great.

I am trying to think it was only ONE day and that tomorrow I can continue my Rome Diet..

On to the purpose of the post.

Here's a picture of my bag turned inside out. Such a mess!

So you can see my home keys, my key chain is from Camden Town in London from the sweetest chinese girl who made these little dolls, my glasses I only wear at university and when I'm driving (I choose to be blind most of the times, cause I don't like them much). A pen, my lipstick, a lighter although I don't smoke but we use them in Biochemistry labs. My cellphone and mp3 (which is so lame, don't EVER buy it), my pink pills, a hand cream and my Chanel spray perfume, my silver purse (money, ID, starbucks-gym-tickets card, etc), my notebook and this lovely purse I keep tissues, tampons and other sanitary things.

So there you go! What's in your bag? if you make that kind of post -and you should totally do- please leave the link in your comment so we can all see it :)

Number 27.

Goodmorning

Sorry I didn't post last night but I was having a panic attack and just couldn't handle anything. I have bitten my nails, oh they look so horrible. Just a little history, I haven't bitten my nails like that since I was 16. That is four years, thank you very much.

That is the reason why I have always nail polish on. But yesterday nothing stopped me. And I really wonder why...

Anyway, I had my blood tests this morning. It was torture to wake up at 8 but I made it and this evening the results will be out. Let's see..

I hope you are all lot better than me.

I'm really trying to cheer myself up. Oh, and scale is still 57.5 so no news with that.

love the outfit*

How fake are they?

In my last post I was asked a really nice question from *Broken*. She said:

"I have a question, why is your blog named like that? It intrigues me."

well you gotta give a name to your blog right? So I kept thinking about a year ago ad finally came up with that title. I have sleeping problems as long as I can remember..so all these sleepless hours in bed instead of counting sheep (how many sheep can you count all these years?) I started making up memories. Stories of what should have happened that day, etc.. Since I was about 15 my stories began to start with that same sentence:

"well, I'm skinny and happy.."

So there you go: Fake.Fading.Memories.

Today I couldn't wake up. My muscles were aching but my scale showed 57.5 so I was beyond happy. My driving lesson went good and I went back to my house to cook. I am one terrible terrible cook! Anyway I couldn't eat the meat so now I'm so hungry.. I decided to post than eat and force myself to the yoga class. My social life has once again drown. I don't want to go outside and already turned down one invitation for coffee. Boo me. I'll go to the gym instead. But weirdly enough that doesn't make me feel better today..

ugh I better end this post now or it wont be pleasant.

All of you take care*

hungry as you may be, look at THIS !