Wet Wednesday from Italy

I'm actually still a bit cough-y, I don't know why I've been sick this whole month. Maybe it's the weather, maybe the heating from the a/c or maybe because I leave gym all sweaty and walk home during the night. I think it's option number three. I am a genius.

Anyway, I've been so bored these last days due to an exam I'm having tomorrow. It's Neurobiology, pretty bad ass course, that has been keeping me away from the gym. I'm leaving for home in a week, Easter holidays, and I'm really not looking forward to it, as usual. But neither do I want to stay here (as usual). I'm thinking how last year I went to New York for Easter holidays and my heart just melts a little..
I wish I could go to the airport and pick a destination. I'd probably pick some place sunny. But the only good thing to look forward to is meeting my family again and a Topshop haul my sister oh-so-kindly did on my behalf. Better than nothing, right?

Tomorrow I'm doing trampolines again. I love how it consumes all my bad energy, it's even better than yoga. And I have been stocking up on bad energy lately.

p.s. I really don't like the new Blogger.

It was magic

The gym event was amazing. Such a clever thing to do on a Saturday. They had re-formed the big classroom into three ways and there were trampolines, then stationary bikes, then mattresses and weights. In the middle there was a DJ and three instructors, one for each piece of aerobic exercise. You had to chose one of the three to start with and then we'd change every 20 minutes. So much fun and so much sweat...
a beautiful event for a gym junkie, like me :)

Unfortunately I didn't get the chance to rest after that, since a friend of mine is leaving for Milan and she had a goodbye party, so I ran from one thing to the next -once again. I am waiting for the time when my iron/glucose levels will drop and I will faint. Seriously.

In other news, I am really confident in dating a guy again. I've spent so long hiding and with the spring and all the couples around me I'm getting rather jealous. Sad thing is you don't really get to pick when you will have a date, do you? It's never been simple for me. People say I'm mean without realising it. My sister says I think I give guys a hint when I actually don't. I think no one will want me so I don't bother with messages or something.

The truth is, I don't think I'm girlfriend material. I screw up way too often.

Is this really what you want to talk about?

The amount of hours I have slept the last two days is unbelievable. I got so exhausted by this gym-drinks thing I couldn't keep my eyes open during class yesterday morning. But when "accidentally" your friends want to go out on the nights you have gym you have to stay strong. No, I will go to gym and I'll catch you later, in the meantime, you keep sitting on the couch.
I'm getting a mean vibe lately. Maybe it's just me who's suspicious but they try to make me give up on gym. They ask me what I eat for breakfast and ask for advice. At this point I am the last person to give weight loss advice.

I'd say "you must never skip breakfast, I'm having a coffee, a kellog's bar and a banana every morning" when I'd rather say "I just have my coffee and wait until I feel faint to eat something". So, no I am not comfortable in giving honest advice.
anyway. today we have a 'festival' at the gym. Circuit training, you get to pick 3-4 classes and you do 20minutes per workout, then you switch. Spinning, trampolines, fit balls. I hope it's worth my evening because I have so much to study this weekend.

Sad truth or pure craziness

I spent the last three days running around, not letting myself think. Spinning class, university, lab, library, aerobics, walking from the one bus stop to the next- you name it. What was I trying to get away from?
Whatever that was, it got me today.

Panic attack. I haven't had one of these since exams ended, but they never really go away. I still can't breathe normally, yet after a binge and a long (hot) shower I'm feeling totally better. I turned down two drinks invitations and a spinning class just cause I don't feel like moving from my bed. I can't help myself lately.
The moment I tried to feel confident and happy for myself, Saturday night happened and I'm back on the ground.  Maybe a little deeper than that, too. I am getting tired of feeling like this.

I believe in karma. Judging on how I used to be with guys (and girls), maybe this is the time for me to pay. No one understands me, no one. Sometimes, even I don't get me, so no worries...

meanwhile, I'm still trying to breathe..

[Update: it's 2 in the morning, I forced myself to go out for drinks (diet coke- I'm so hardcore lately) and I am feeling much better. My breathing is still a little slow but I really had a laugh or two. I have to let this incident go, as many other incidents have come and gone. This shitty day is ending with System of A Down's- Lost in Hollywood. Shitty, shitty day..] 

Stories, too many stories in my head.

Went to bed at 4.30am, woke up at 9. This must tell me something. Yesterday was...okay to be fair it was fun. Having people from university and people from other places you know in one tiny building really puts some pressure. To say hello to everyone you know, to see who other knows the people you know, we live in such a small town.

I never was a fan of big hang outs. I want to have two-three groups of friends that have nothing to do with each other. Back at my home town I tried and tried and succeeded just a bit. Now I find it impossible. So this guy that I liked, he liked me and was too shy to say and blah blah blah got back with his ex. I mean yes, I was the one that was't sure about my feelings and I had already decided to let the whole story go, but you know deep down I feel like I got punched in the face yesterday. To see him with his ex (metalhead, half her hair was shaved -was I really his style after all? she was wearing a spiked choker for fuck's shake..)
Anyway I can't understand men. If you spend lots of time on my blog you may remember that I met his best friend first and the three of us did some flirting, since I liked both. So the other one yesterday asked me my number cause his Skype isn't functioning anymore and kept talking me and stuff. Weird. Yes, I mean I like him (more than the other one) but what the fuck have they done?
Was it like "oh, you should get with Annamaria, oh no you should get her, okay try first now my turn"?

It always have been like this with my "social" life. Complicated situations, or no situations at all.I'm used to that but I really start to wonder. If I deserve this, if I am the one who complicates everything (I bet it's me a little). Anyway enough with this//

Spinning class was really nice but average in intensity. I think I will put it in the programme although the music isn't very good. Whatever; today I was 59.8  !

in a couple of hours I'm gonna be having coffee in the sun. and don't say a word about this whole thing. good day everyone :)

Keep calm no?

Saturday morning and I'm in the right way to summer. I will reach the first goal, a round 60 before the week ends cause well, today I was 60.1 and I have two days left. I also bought a anti-cellulite cream cause of the ritual: since I was 16 I'd always buy one and apply it before going to the gym. It's like a seasonal tradition of mine, even the smell of some puts me in the mood for firm thighs.
Yesterday afternoon was a nightmare, I tried to go to the gym but everything (I mean, EVERYTHING) went wrong. I slept 13 hours and woke up feeling much better though.

Lovelou made a reference to the Big Bang Theory! Well, let me tell you, there is NO other bigger fan than me. I know every line, every fact that happened in the episodes, I know every little detail about science jokes (biologist) so yeah, no need to watch the video about luminous fish! I love big bang theory -some people say too much. Thank you for the comment though, it made me smile!

Tonight's schedule is rather intense. I have a spinning class at 8:00-9:00 pm and then at around 10:30 I'm going to my university concert where rock and metal bands are performing. I hope it's worth it, cause after an hour of spinning I'm sure I'll be dead. O will be there and I'd rather he doesn't say weird stuff to me again. Let's hope for some vodka and a really good time!

What are your plans for Saturday night?

Fluffy Friday

Sun has arrived in this little stupid island. I am 90% recovered from the flue and ready to do things. I went to university, some new classes, I don't believe I managed to spend over 7 hours up there yesterday without dying. Today I'm feeling better, totally better.

Okay, I'm going to post my weight. I don't know when was the last time I posted it, but being truly ashamed of my gain I refused to. I weighted in 60.5 kilos today, one of the biggest numbers I've seen ever. I've made a chart on the inside of my clothe's wardrobe that has boxes for each day since April 5th. That's when I'm going back home. I've titled it " --> skinny ", and I tick every box when I go hungry to sleep. I eat very organic, fresh meals (2) through the day, but in order to wake up feeling flat I must go to bed hungry. So this chart says I'm going to be 58 until then. When I get back my second chart will be titled " skinny--> skinnier" and that's when all the ab and arm toning will take place. Spinning starts tomorrow and I have booked at least one class per week.

Right now I have this experiment on campus at the Fish Lab and I need to go colour some fish pink and blue with some toxic paint. They look so pretty! (yes, the fish are already dead- calm yourselves)

Talking illness and fitness

After another sleepless night due to severe coughing, I woke up feeling particularly better. I forced myself to eat because I need to finish this medication I'm on. You would be amazed how many of the people who called/skyped me these days asked me to eat. Yes, my family is the first to rant over this not-eating illusion, but then friends made me promise to eat, my godmother called and asked me to eat; frustrating.
I've lost a little more than a kilo. Without the period weight. I will try to keep it up and start from this point, I don't want to gain it back cause it surely wasn't "water weight loss". I've actually realised I drank 8 bottles of 1.5lt each within two days. Yes, that's a lot of tea but my throat still suffers.

Every day that I wake up with a flat stomach I feel like myself again. It's a weird feeling, I really hope not many people feel it. It's pointless to "live for an empty stomach". Of course it's really more of a "living for that smile that is caused by the empty stomach". But when that day comes, you know that these days/weeks/months passed were in vain. Bad, bad feeling.

I need to return to the gym, it tortures me not to be able to work out for a week straight. I have made my weekly schedule with step aerobics on Mondays, fight bo class on Tuesdays, trampoline aerobcs on Thursdays and one spinning class on Saturdays. Then two more days of treadmill/elliptical.

I wanna go back and I think on Saturday I'm going for a bad-ass spinning class

drastic come back don't you think?

It rains all day; keeping me lovely company

Three days have passed and I feel eternity is here. It's no secret now, why I panic at certain situations. I don't have patience; none at all. Seventy-two hours of coughing and chest pain, fever got up to 39 Celsius degrees (312 Kelvin) and I was shaking and melting at the same time. How nice.
Today my fever dropped to 37.5 and I got the chance to do a full bath, my hair was a true mess. I changed sheets and cooked some pasta. I couldn't eat it. Then I got my period. Another set of aching and fever. The cough is getting worse but my throat does not hurt that bad any more due to medication.

What else have you got for me? Bring it on now, cause I've got work to do. I've got a paper due Monday and some classes, labs and gym to attend. Well, have to.

I've spent my sleepless hours on Skype, watching Friends, Skins season 5 and The Dreamers (yes, again). 

"Or the plague"

A feverish weekend. While the sun shines and everyone invites me here and there, I am lying in bed with vitamins, cough drops, tissues and season 4 of Friends. Oh, I tried to watch Aladdin too, but it was so much noise for my head...

People are being nice, offering to bring me medicine, wash my dishes and keep me company. K came over last night and she brought me first need things, because apparently fever and constant vomiting made me unable to get out of the house.
O is being very nice to me. I don't know why. He insisted he came and keep me company, make me soup and tell me fairytales. Why can't I enjoy such invites? I politely declined, saying I may vomit on him and that would be not so nice, but he said he didn't mind. Oh my, why is he so nice to me? Two years have passed since I first turned him down and he hasn't stopped being nice to me. Anyway I am not in a decent condition, tissues everywhere, dust and vitamin glasses.
And the coughing is so sexy, it echoes though the room :)

Croissant

Friday's here. Another week just vanished into air, and no weight loss for Annamaria. Just nerves, nightmares, gym and university.I put them in order of tension. I am far better than I was on Wednesday, that means I actually got out of that bed and went to school and gym and tried to make myself feel better by doing a little window shopping. It kinda worked. Thank you for the lovely comments and suggestions on my last post :)

So at the gym there's this instructor, the best female instructor I've met here. Second best of all time, she's from Germany and really works wonders with the classes and the spinning. Me and my friend Kel had almost a year to attend one of her classes and yesterday there was a surprise for us. Mini Fucking Trampolines!! We actually did the whole aerobics class on freaking trampolines!! You know, it was frightening at first but then it was so fun! Definitely a must on a Thursday night.
At the end of the class we got to talk with her and she commented on wearing shorts or tights as sweats may stuck on the side of the trampoline. So I have a week to look a little more decent in tights.. I don't know how I got this far on the scale. But I will get it back.

I swear I will get everything back until summer.

Bells

I am having a very nerve-racking day. I seriously had one of these days when you just sit on your bed with a blanket, sobbing, trying not to burst into crying, eating while watching Friends for the millionth time. And when someone asks you what is going on, you just honestly reply: 

I don't know, everything's just too much today.

On top of all, I spilt my black coffee all over my white shirt at the university today and I had to wear it backwards. It was frustrating. 

When I finally got home I was so let down. I almost cried at the episode with the lesbian wedding, I mean that shows how not good I am today. 

Off to listen to Keane and Coldplay, oh.

Let the sunshine in

Finally a sunny Sunday that I managed to go outside. To the sea. Oh, so peaceful, how I love looking at the sea with Muse on my iPod and a latte in my hand. That wasn't the case, I met up with two friends to go eat at a local restaurant. Fried seafood and wine. We had so much wine, laughed so much and then when the sun went down, froze to death! Nice chilling day, although I had also a school report to finish.

So, warlockmistress asked what am I doing on the treadmill for one and a half hour. Look, I don't like the treadmill either, it's the elliptical I fancy better. But right now I need to burn calories without any muscle toning so I figured I spend half days on that just walking 5.8km per hour. I don't know how many miles it's that, but just Google convert them :)
So, I brought my old mp3 with me yesterday and time was spent wandering around old songs, watching "How clean is your house?" and the local news on TV and looking outside of the window as the traffic was high on a Saturday morning. The back of my feet hurt and I think I'm going to need some new trainers. Well, I have my special edition adidas since I was 15, lol. I love them though..

I am in this moment of my life, once again, where I feel so ugly. Like EVERYONE around me is beautiful and a good person and I am neither. I'm trying so hard to get out of it as long as I realise I'm falling for it. Difficult.

Bitches

So, destination: Milan.
I did it, I found a four day gap for holidays in June. It's really far away, but the thought of it was just what I needed right now.

It seems you really have to work non stop for a week to appreciate a Saturday. Now I know it. I woke up to a sunny day, drank my vitamin C and headed to the gym. One and a half hour on the treadmill, that's all I wanted for today. It's a 500 calorie intake day, so 300 calories already burnt is a win!
I made a tomato and fresh mozzarella salad and I feel really back on track. Filling my shopping cart with fresh vegetables, non fat yoghurt and special K bars, the old healthy-eating me is back.
I thought about how my friends have influenced me in a bad way, trying to prove I'm not weird and eating the fucking shit they do. Well, no more, this is my body and I will eat whatever I want and I will spend money on bio foods rather than eating fast food cause it's "cheaper". How foolish I am sometimes...and haters gonna hate (no doubt about that, as soon as I lose some weight, the pancakes invitations begin)