Sad truth or pure craziness

I spent the last three days running around, not letting myself think. Spinning class, university, lab, library, aerobics, walking from the one bus stop to the next- you name it. What was I trying to get away from?
Whatever that was, it got me today.

Panic attack. I haven't had one of these since exams ended, but they never really go away. I still can't breathe normally, yet after a binge and a long (hot) shower I'm feeling totally better. I turned down two drinks invitations and a spinning class just cause I don't feel like moving from my bed. I can't help myself lately.
The moment I tried to feel confident and happy for myself, Saturday night happened and I'm back on the ground.  Maybe a little deeper than that, too. I am getting tired of feeling like this.

I believe in karma. Judging on how I used to be with guys (and girls), maybe this is the time for me to pay. No one understands me, no one. Sometimes, even I don't get me, so no worries...

meanwhile, I'm still trying to breathe..

[Update: it's 2 in the morning, I forced myself to go out for drinks (diet coke- I'm so hardcore lately) and I am feeling much better. My breathing is still a little slow but I really had a laugh or two. I have to let this incident go, as many other incidents have come and gone. This shitty day is ending with System of A Down's- Lost in Hollywood. Shitty, shitty day..]