Panic attack for a soy cappuccino?really?

I decided to buy a new scale at June 1st. These past few days I was over stressing about what my scale would show and whether to believe it or not so I almost gave my sister another hint for my ED. This will be the most time I won't weight myself. Maybe it works for me, I cannot decide if I don't try it.

I have one thing in my mind though. When thin & fit isn't enough (if I hear one more friend-relative to say "you have no fat, you're just muscle; don't try to loose weight cause, well, you CAN'T "), skinny will do the job. I have 40 days for 3 kilos (exam period before London) and I just want this:

"omg, annamaria, you have lost so much weight!! how did you do it??"

and believe me, when that time comes, I will tell the truth. I'm not one of these girls who say they ate EVERYTHING and lost like 50 pounds. Eliminate the calories, work your ass off and cry a little. That's what it takes. But then. Then it's all worth it.

BUT note that I don't expect things to change. One thing will change though. I can go and get a freaking coffee or just walk around my neighbourhood without freaking out and thinking that everyone looks at me cause I'm fat. I feel like I weight 200 pounds this year. Literally, even thought I am 119 at 5'4. This has to stop.

So yes, this is what I want to change..