Blow me away.

Having slept only 4 hours, it's 10 in the morning and I'm feeling completely and insanely numb.

My mom left yesterday and I was sad (for she leaving) and happy (for having my space again, missed it so much)..
So a few hours later, I am saying: FUCK IT ALL

Things I have now:
-EXAMS. really who cares? and why don't I give a shit about it? I have always been a perfectionist, I want to study and progress, I really do..
-lots and tons of food in my kitchen
-a flat belly apparently (until now..)
-a cup of coffee, and 3 more waiting for me
-a kilo gained, cause I'm 56.1 all over again (hoping it's cause my period is coming)

Things I don't have:
-funny to say that.. a boyfriend
yes we broke up from the super relationship of a week!(I didn't even know we were actually together but still we could "break up" from it..the reason? he thinks I don't care about him, I'm hiding things from him and oh, how did he say it? We don't have Chemistry -like, the entire thing is wrong?? that's what I understood 3 in the morning with his friend waiting alone in the car)
I told him okay, if Chemistry is the reason well it's not sth I can do to change it. He thought I would at least try to talk about it.. He didn't expect me to end it so sharply, I think. But he brought it up though.
-light. the window over my desk broke so I have so much light all over the house, but not where I'm about to study -bad luck.
-the courage to go for coffee with my ex best friend this afternoon. We have to clear things, and we will definitely not!

*Of course BioChem tmrrw will be a disaster

I guess I will stay in this mess I've made. :)