Clockwise .

I am at bed now. Exhausted.

I noticed I haven't posted my weight a long time now, neither have I talked about eating. It's difficult when you are at holidays to keep your eating habits, especially when caring parents are involved. Tomorrow I am doing a detox. I aim for three days, I may do two in the end. I want to balloon down a bit before I start this year's diet.

Everywhere around me I see friends, cousins, unknown girls who suddenly became skinny. And I wonder, what the fuck? Sister started weightwatchers. The counsellor asked her why does she want to lose weight since she has a healthy BMI. I mean, are you kidding me? What a stupid question to ask nowadays, in my opinion. She should know better, right??

Anyway. I feel good about myself. I always feel good at the beginning and then get screwed up. But I will try and stay positive. My nails are growing big again (a sign when I am not good with myself are bitten nails) and I painted them dark purple, just like old times. They look weird to me, I haven't seen them like that in a while.. I also placed my pills next to my bed. That way I will remember to take them. I have to take some vitamins too.

I also found the courage to tell sister the truth about my university grades. I know she will be supportive, she knows I wasn't very well last year.. it came naturally and I am glad I did it instead of having ANOTHER thing secret from the whole world.

It can sometimes get so tiring, all the lies, all the secrets..