Incapable is the word.

Nothing has changed. Now I see it myself. Not a damn thing. I thought everything would change, that these last two years were a dramatic part of my life and nothing else. I should know better.
And now I'm feeling this emotion again. Sucks. Takes every happiness you know you deserve. And then you start to think: maybe if I was skinny enough, if my hair were longer and better highlighted, if I had more friends who understand me or if I was a little smarter (well ok, that last one is ridiculous, but honestly I cannot study anymore, I don't want to) ...then maybe I could be happy and live this fucking life to the full. But there are times, just like this one, when I feel completely lonely.

Things must be done, so I went to the gym and ate one apple instead of two, but this doesn't feel any better. I can't sleep either although I'll try cause tmrrw I need to wake up at 7.30 to pay some bills go to the hospital and go get my netbook. I'm running out of energy just thinking about it.
So goodnight *