S.a.d. just a little

Fucking great. Alone in the house, again. Looking at an expensive photo frame with a very old photo from my birthday. I remember this birthday, my dress was so lovely. I was 10, maybe 11. But much stronger I remember the day this picture was put into that frame. It's an expensive frame, there was no reason for this picture put in it.

But there was. Ten years ago, a Saturday (maybe Sunday) morning. My father was in the house (Wednesdays and weekends only, as he works far away from home). It was one of these weight in's mornings, he reminded me. Every two days, in the morning. I had gained. Everybody saw. I burst into tears... No one could make me stop crying, so my mum sat me down, gave me this beautiful photo frame and helped me choose a nice photo to put in it. Nice try, although it did not make me feel much better.

December 2011. I once again regret coming home so many days for holidays, even though I'm staying the least I could. My body feels sick, I won't be able to fit in my dress on New Year's Eve. My mind keeps multi tasking, anything away from here. Everyone here has this everyday life, far different from mine. I look inferior. I feel inferior. I feel many other things, that I am trying to suppress. It's kinda sad my year ends with guilt and sadness once again, but oh well...

*at least a resolution post is coming up next