Just tuna and coffee..it almost makes me sick.

My head hurts so badly.. Of course there's nothing I can do about it, as I refuse to take any medication unless it's sth really bad..that's why I haven't taken my pills for almost a week, I know it's stupid though. But since I started taking these pills -for more than 8 years or sth- I have never taken them properly. Even when I had to take like 3 or 4 a day. I'm a really stupid girL at times...

I take my vitamins though.. in order to spend hours at the gym burning cals I must take some vitamins. And believe me nothing's gonna stop me from working out. Like tonight I have yoga class but tmrrw morning it's my Chemistry(I) exam.. I'm going to yoga class no matter what. I really don't care about my exams this semester, I know I should...

So today my scale showed 57 again. It really starts to annoy me this thing, I am so looking forward to 55.sth but I guess I have loooong time to go.

In a week I'm going home. Don't know why the hell I decided to do that, really. Anyway hope it's gonna be alright. Few hours ago I was watching an episode of "The City".. Last year when there was nothing to do I watched "The Hills" so I thought today I should see what City was all about. The only think I got is that my clothes are stupid, my legs are fat and I really want a model-shaped boyfriend. HA!! Guess I'm not going to watch another episode. Like really..

I really like LC -if you watched the Hills you know her, maybe for some it's a bit pathetic but what can you do- and her style. I think she was my first thinspo and a big style icon cause my style relates a lot to hers. Of course now with all that lace I'm a bit destracted but oh, well. I also found this picture of Olivia on the web and I was like wow. I really like her legs and her style but it's quite formal for me..

I love rainbows & oh,happy birthday..

This is all sooo frustrating.. I mean can I trust anyone any more? Why she keeps doing that?

Well, I'm talking about my older sister, she claims we're best friends and then tells everything to our mom.. Wtf?
Of course I'm no idiot, she doesn't know about my ED, I mean she is a psychologist she's gonna freak out! But I hate it when I want to tell her sth about my life that mom doesn't need to know.. Yeah I'm talking about my sex life or about my grades at uni (luckily the secong one is sth she doesn't tell..) but how can I be sure she doesn't? Ever? Like yesterday. I asked for her opinion about applying for a job at Zara, Berska,etc. I told her that parents don't need to know yet. And then my mom calls me today saying "did u talk to your sister yestersay? Is sth you would like to tell me?" Fuckkkk!!! It's not sth that important but just I hate it. And I really want to be able to tell her stuff cause I love her so much.

Anyway, I'm looking for a job in order to keep me distracted and away from home.. I don't want to have time to think about what I eat anymore, I don't want to have time to eat anymore. So along with Biology studies and my gym, I still have a lot of time at home and seriously don't need that! So why not working and earning money I can save?

What do you think? I'm planning to start from Feb part time..

<--- I love what she is wearing btw!

I wish you lived down the street..

Okay, so I think you've realised by now that my titles don't have a thing to do with what I post.. just making that clear. Today I was so busy with housework and studying (finally!) that almost forgot to eat.. I was all day with a cup of coffee in my hands and now my hands are shaking haha..Almost, I said. Of course my beloved mom called this morning to noon, and kept telling me what to eat because she said now I'm going home I'm gonna to a blood test -again- so they'll know how well I've been eating. Hm how about not eating at all?? It's not I'm scared or sth, it's just I cannot have that talking shit all over again. So I had some chicken with tomato and now I'll have some yogurt oh, and I had pineapple this morning..

Anyways, I so fell in love with a song today. Oh,I just love it. It's "you make me feel" from Archive. They always have those moody songs I keep falling in love with...

I decided today I want to go for a drink with my friends. It's been so long since I last went out..

Still or Sparkling?

When I excercise I feel so great. You know, if I wasn't to become a biologist I had my application done for a personal and group trainer. Basically that's what I wanted to be the most but noooo, I had to study science. I'm glad I chose to be a biologist but sometimes I am so jealous when I go to the gym classes. In my hometown my trainer was willing to give me some sort of scholarship in order to be a trainer but I was studying for the university exams. Too bad.

So the happy thing is that I found a new yoga style and new yoga days! Even though I'm more of an aerobics, tae bo or step class, now that I started a new form of excercise I am so passionate about it! So Wednesday and Friday are definitely yoga days :)

Oh, my half apple is turning black.. just hate it when that happens. Finally I ate it, it;s the stupid apple I am trying to eat all week lol..

I'm feeling much more lighter today and happier (duh!) I hope you are great too!!

Woodland Berry

So I finally got the lipstick I was looking at the airports all over the world for! I bought it for 19euro instead of 25 and that makes me very happy. You should know, I love sales. And now I love this lipstick too!

Today was a little busy day but got some jobs done. Went to the hospital and to order my netbook then got a smaller size in the gym pant I've recently bought (yeiiii!) and got a face mask to cheer up my confidence because yesterday wasn't a good day.

I ordered the netbook on a black instead of the white one I wanted cause I believe the white one becomes dirty easily.

Let's now come to the point. I weighted myself although I shouldn't cause I said I'm gonna weight myself every Monday and Friday. So today I was 57.3 again. Damn.

My cals for today are approx. 850 and I have an apple left to eat during the afternoon. I don't fell like telling you what I had for lunch cause I'm embarrashed. But let's say it wasn't good.

Now I'm going to study Physics. Omg the book is sooo huge. If I get tired in here maybe I'll go to starbucks to study but I want to try my face mask so propably I'll stay home and clean a bit.

xoxo

Coffee or tea please?

This blog is about me.

Actually about my story of trying to be perfect. The way I want, the skinny way and anna inspires me to keep strong. Cause in this world no one thinks of you as attractive if you are not skinny. And I shall never feel attractive if I'm not skinny.

My HW is 58 kilos (sorry I'm counting in kilos). My CW is 57.3 so annoying!

My first GW would be 54 and second 52.

Then we'll see..

Starting to get addicted to coffee. I mean now that it's exam period I spend my mornings at starbucks studying and have either a plain grande coffee or a grande nonfat latte (I read that it has only 100cals plz let me know if I'm wrong!!). That's my breakfast and if it's pills day I have a "fitness bar" too for 89cals.

But I love coffee as much as I love tea.

And I could just live on coffee and tea.

I'm telling you now: this week I will only eat yoghurts, salads (when can't avoid it), apples and fitness bars. Coffee, tea and fresh orange juice when it comes to pills.

Starting from tmrrw until Saturday -at least!

xoxo