Do you remember? Cause I remember..

It's so nice to do whatever you want.. this freedom, I wouldn't change it for the world. Woke up this morning and felt so nice, actually I like this feeling, and it was gone for a while now.. I don't know how long it will last, but I'll try to make the most of it :)

I went for a walk with my friends, didn't actually shop something because I want to loose some more kilos before I get new clothes. Of course I told them I'm out of money as I have to get my luggage today, a travel folder for my netbook and my perfume. So they believed that instead. I've missed my perfume, Chanel Coco mademoiselle.. Of course Victoria's Secret Noir was good and I have nice memories of it too. I believe that perfume is sometimes the only thing capable to remind you of times in your life. I love the feeling when you smell sth but don't know what reminds you of, you just have the warm feeling of the smell..


My intake for today is about 1000 cals or maybe less.. I'm not sure cause I had a steak with vegetables for lunch and one morning coffee, 30cals, so I'm not sure.
I'm sure I'm not eating for the rest of the day,though. Just some cups of oolong tea, please *

Happy girLs are indeed the prettiest. I see that now.

Let's make sth clear. I have an eating disorder, but I'm not anorexic. I have a life too. And I am planning to be happy and recover from all this.. there is not a condition I enjoy, I like to think of it as a path through perfection. But a path that ends somewhere. Somewhere nice. I don't plan to fade away, I do not enjoy fainting in from of my friends. It's not sth I want to live with for the rest of my life. Hiding from everyone, telling lies about what I eat, even lying about going to the gym because I was supposed to study.

I like to dream.. a lot. My dreams are peacefull now.
But I continue to throw away my food, I will propably always count calories and feeling just a bit guilty about eating some birthday cake, but I will go to birthday parties, I will walk around and meet new ppl and I won't be scared anymore. I know I have a long road ahead. I also set a ticker at the bottom of my blog and I'm sure these 5 kilos will be difficult to loose. But I won't let my disorder hold me back. This blog is about me. Not about my ED. And I plan to fill these pages with my life and not with tears and depression. I don't want ppl to be sad about me, even gossip.
"oh she has everything, but she can never get enough..look at her, she feels miserable like nothing is good enough for her, what a drama queen. hate these girLs"
now whaaat? I cannot believe it.. I am so full of nice things to say, but always went the bitchy and snobby way, and now here they go. They feel sad about me, wtf??
....
Tmrrw is unofficially the end of my exams. It felt like agess.. I know I can be strong now. Sorry if this post was a bit tiring but I need to write these down so I can read them over and over until I will be able to breath and smile at the same time. =)
*relevant title for once, yeiii

What's so wrong with me that you can't love me?*

He doesn't know. She doesn't know. And nobody else knows.. they would not understand. Sometimes I wonder what their reaction will be when I pronounce the word thinspo... they would not understand.. and I don't have the courage to explain.

I'm calm today, so peacefull. Almost like high..I can feel stardust all around me.. this is the psycho talking, I know.. I like it though.. Didn't eat much today, slept a lot, quite nice! Yesterday was bad. I mean I was heavily depressed, again.
Now I see my fridge has a cherry yogurt,184cals, two bottles of water and filter coffee. Oh, and a mild mustard don't even remember buying it, propably gone bad.. And I need some soda. There's no soda in my fridge though.. Fuck. I'll make a tea instead. It's only a pink hot water cause I put the teabag in just for the colour, just a little.. Oh, and I painted my nails light green.. I love it :)
Damn it's time for Chemistry(2) and I am so bored.
*by Dead Celebrity Status -Someone I once knew

annamaRia

Still or Sparkling?

When I excercise I feel so great. You know, if I wasn't to become a biologist I had my application done for a personal and group trainer. Basically that's what I wanted to be the most but noooo, I had to study science. I'm glad I chose to be a biologist but sometimes I am so jealous when I go to the gym classes. In my hometown my trainer was willing to give me some sort of scholarship in order to be a trainer but I was studying for the university exams. Too bad.

So the happy thing is that I found a new yoga style and new yoga days! Even though I'm more of an aerobics, tae bo or step class, now that I started a new form of excercise I am so passionate about it! So Wednesday and Friday are definitely yoga days :)

Oh, my half apple is turning black.. just hate it when that happens. Finally I ate it, it;s the stupid apple I am trying to eat all week lol..

I'm feeling much more lighter today and happier (duh!) I hope you are great too!!

Blame It On The Rain

That's DSQUARED's logo for this year's rain boots. And that's what I am doing: Blaming it on the rain. How couldn't I? All night long due to the rain, lightnings, thunders idk what else, the stupid electricity went on and off and all my devices were ticking and yelling. Great. Coulnd't sleep but couldn't do anything else either because of my massive stomach ache. So I ended up 7 o'clock in the morning watching online TV as I couldn't move and felt soooo fucking dizzy.

And I blame it on the rain..

A litre of oolong tea, a bottle of vitaminC and some awfull pennes later I was feeling a little better, I even studied a bit. I'm having my Psysics exam tmrrw. Not that I care much about that fact but oh, things must be done.

I had a lot of time to think this weekend, all this time I was supposed to study, and I reached a conclusion that more or less goes like this:

"Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life." -Omar Khayyam

Well it's not like I became much of a philosopher but I am so ready to live a happy life. And yeah Flyleaf's "Fully alive" was at my speakers all day long.. luv them*

Hmm what else to say? Just that in a week I'm going back home for some medical tests and to see my parent's and friends I did not have time to see on xmas. Hope it goes better than xmas. Because it was a complete disaster..

And the rain goes on and on.. omg it sounds so bad I don't even want to go and see. I guess I was spoiled enough by the great weather and this is considered unacceptable.

Guess tmrrw sb is going to need those rain boots after all hahaha!

xoxo