Happy girLs are indeed the prettiest. I see that now.

Let's make sth clear. I have an eating disorder, but I'm not anorexic. I have a life too. And I am planning to be happy and recover from all this.. there is not a condition I enjoy, I like to think of it as a path through perfection. But a path that ends somewhere. Somewhere nice. I don't plan to fade away, I do not enjoy fainting in from of my friends. It's not sth I want to live with for the rest of my life. Hiding from everyone, telling lies about what I eat, even lying about going to the gym because I was supposed to study.

I like to dream.. a lot. My dreams are peacefull now.
But I continue to throw away my food, I will propably always count calories and feeling just a bit guilty about eating some birthday cake, but I will go to birthday parties, I will walk around and meet new ppl and I won't be scared anymore. I know I have a long road ahead. I also set a ticker at the bottom of my blog and I'm sure these 5 kilos will be difficult to loose. But I won't let my disorder hold me back. This blog is about me. Not about my ED. And I plan to fill these pages with my life and not with tears and depression. I don't want ppl to be sad about me, even gossip.
"oh she has everything, but she can never get enough..look at her, she feels miserable like nothing is good enough for her, what a drama queen. hate these girLs"
now whaaat? I cannot believe it.. I am so full of nice things to say, but always went the bitchy and snobby way, and now here they go. They feel sad about me, wtf??
....
Tmrrw is unofficially the end of my exams. It felt like agess.. I know I can be strong now. Sorry if this post was a bit tiring but I need to write these down so I can read them over and over until I will be able to breath and smile at the same time. =)
*relevant title for once, yeiii