Ah, friends

I did not expect things to go that way. It's a nightmare. Two days of classes and I already feel like killing myself. I need to escape from this. I turn to the right, everyone is commenting how skinny he/she has gotten. I turn left and K expects me to make her lose weight. Okay, some random normal girl with a thing for healthy eating and exercise would be flattered but I am suffocating. E and K keep looking at me, examining my body and I can tell. They are supposed to be my friends...

K picked a pack of cookies from the cafeteria and before I even noticed, she kept apologizing telling me she needed them cause she had a rough day. It made me furious and sad. I am not her fucking mother, she is responsible for what she puts in her stomach and if she wants to lose weight she must do it for her, not because I am the freaking boogeyman. I told her that. She gave me a weird look but I don't care anymore. I am putting out fires all over the place lately, and it is really not on my job description. Is it?

I feel so sorry for myself today. It's like I hate being me. Again. I made boiled water (tea is too much flavour right now) and I will spend the night with my book. I need this me time. I didn't eat much, yet I ate more than expected for today. I am going to do this though, do everything it takes to feel nice in my own body. I don't want to feel this way, it's not worth living a disappointing life. It's not.