I really have to try harder, to be skinny and to be happy. I see people around me happy that I am happy and I wonder, why do they care?are my mood swings THAT noticeable?why oh why do I frown and make them worry about me?
my father keeps asking me on the phone why am I sad. Even when I am not. Maybe I cannot express happiness over the phone, too. Too much to handle. Anyway I have been told many times that when summer comes I look like I'm feeling a lot better. :)
Oh, and something else that made me wonder. On Tumblr I see so many girls striving for perfection, hating their bodies, looking sad, just like on Blogger. And they are only 13?14? And I feel like their are wasting their childhood online, looking up at models.. back then I only felt weird for my body cause it kept changing and I was a swimmer too (so naked around girls, half naked around boys) but if I had a picture of editorial Kate Moss (big fan btw) naked through these changes, I think I would be more screwed up by now. Catastrophic comparison, you know? I feel bad for them. I'm sorry.
On the other hand, maybe by their 20s they will find what they are looking for, and spend their time having fun with friends or with boys to a healthy, functioning relationship, unlike me.
I'm sorry to say that it will only get worse for the young ones. Not better. Girls are getting eating disorders earlier and earlier these days and it's because people like us adhere to these sort of notions. I'm blaming myself, unfortunately.
ReplyDeleteSociety is messed up and it will only get worse, not better. All the evidence points that way, I should know, majoring in Women Studies.
But, we can change it a little bit. We can try to make the tiny things better. Not everything but tiny tiny things. The world is not equal, it will never be equal and always worse for girls. That's why I feel a connection to all of you guys. I'm struggling with you but we are apart of something larger as well. :)
You will find happiness and you will be able to express it as well ...I'm sure of if it! Good people get what they deserve. <3
It breaks my heart to see such young girls being this way. When I was 13 I was truly anorexic. I don't remember much of the time except a great unhappiness and how terrible I made my mother feel (she blamed it on herself, it was NEVER her fault).
ReplyDeleteI 'recovered' when I was 16 after counselling etc but that sort of thing never leaves you, as so many of you who made read this will understand.
The world is cruel, tough, ugly and beautiful at the same time, and I am just praying that my kid sister and any children I may have in the future, can keep happiness and innocence as long as possible and not be like me.
Good to here you are keeping the nice mood! Mine has been somewhat dampened as it is pissing it down with run and I have a long, outdoor run planned!!
AJ xx
I had bigger problems than what I weighed when I was that age. Plus I was super skinny until 15 when my parents divorced. But I see these 13/14yr old girls on blogger and tumblr and I find it hard to support them. I want them to stop worrying and just be happy. Fuck they're too young to be obsessing and hating themselves and espeicially on such a public forum. I would never want anyone to feel the way I do about food and their self image.
ReplyDeleteBut I try be supportive and not encourage them to continue the cycle of self hate.
It's a sad sad world we live in...
I hate to see such young girls hating themselves so intensely- it saddens me. The media has a lot to answer for.
ReplyDeleteThe scale number will get better!
Lorna xx
I try my very hardest to not "follow" anyone who is a minor. I don't want to contribute/seem like I'm encouraging their choices...
ReplyDeleteI'm 14 and started THIS at 12, but hated my body since I was 11. I could get to my goal weight and go two ways. I could have developed a full blown eating disorder and keep going, thinner and thinner, or I could just stop and maintain. It all depends on how I got there and how dedicated I was. Hopefully I will just stop.
ReplyDelete