Anyway, yesterday I did something that caused a heated discussion between me and me. It was something I thought I was able to get past, being in this blog world and getting all the triggering two years now. I binged and then purged. I was fully aware of what I was doing but couldn't stop it. Most of you know the feeling.
To think you would die if it doesn't get out of your system. It's really a horrible thing to do and I ended up with swollen eyes from crying and less regrets than I thought I'd have. Is it normal? To cry when you purge?
I promised myself I won't do it again. But then again I've promised myself numerous things and I didn't deliver. I also got my blood tests back. As you know, I have serious anemia. So my parents gave me the speech over the phone about the results (there were not good, but not as bad as last year) and then my aunt gave me the speech over the phone- she's a doctor. To sum up, I'm gonna be doing a couple of more tests and then maybe I will have to start (a 4-pill) treatment. How cool... although last year I came to realise that health goes first so.
I have other things I want to blog about, but let's just keep this post health/body related. I have 4 exams this week and NO strength/energy/mood to give any of them. But you know, a girl's got to graduate sometime next year ;)
xxx
Tears, welcome or not, are always to be expected when purging. With all of the pressure building in your head and throat, it'd be surprising not to see that.
ReplyDeleteIt's a slippery slope - and an addicting one. I hope you stick with your "no more purging" mindset! Much love
xx