Good, not.

I'm once again attracting all this negative energy. This is not cool, world. I really want to do a list about it, so I might as well do that, and then try to fix everything I can.

• My Milan trip friends think I have abandoned them for other people and I'm pretty sure I am a heated discussion on their Starbucks meet-ups. For one, I wasn't even invited to Starbucks, and frankly, it's my second home and everyone knows that. 
• Today I was too lazy to go to university to study so I stayed home and studied about one third of what I should have. Not cool.
• My two (other) girl friends are a little bittered that things didn't go as well as they wanted with the date guy. For some reason they struggle to find me a boyfriend, I don't know why and I don't think I want to know the reason.
• My father has had a lot of anxiety about his work and it makes me sad to hear him sad. 
• O isn't even talking to me and I am dying to go for a walk with him. I just don't want to hurt him all over again, so I hide it. I can't be selfish, not about him. I heard he was looking for me a week ago at our bar and if I text him he may think otherwise.
• It really frustrates me, being that fat, when all I have to do is stop eating. Just that.

Right now I just feel that I upset everyone around me. I can't help it and restoring all the damage is going to cost me lots of thinking and emotional stress. I need to lie down. I need a drink.