One Last Kiss

This morning I woke up feeling a little better.. yesterday's paranoia was really exhausting.. Anyways, the feeling what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-me-since-I-don't-seem-to-loose-any-weight-and-I-think-of-my-ex-and-blah-blah-blahh is finally over!!

Woke up, had tons of cold water and a kiwi; I bought 4 of them and now I don't want to leave them here, they will get bad... I love kiwis :)
So maybe I'll have another one until I fly home. My flight is on 17.30 and it's only 35 minutes so I will be home by this afternoon. Still don't know if I'm happy about this. We will find out soon.. Oh, I weighted myself and I am 57.1 again.. I can't help this..I am working out like there's no tmrrw, I eat kiwis and yogurts, drinking Powerade in order not to faint and still don't seem to loose any weight. Can't wait to do the damn blood test and stop eating steaks and vegetables. Not only they make me fat but they are expensive too.

I don't want to spend my money on food..
So I will propably have to go pack my clothes. Oh, I also bought for my parents a cake ("the one me and my friends eat all the time here,you will love it, I totally love it!!" hahaha.. of course I have tasted it like once..a tiny piece at my frined's house but it was tasty indeed). So they won't get suspicious because they ask me what I eat on the phone and I'm like: ehm..what?

Love ya*

I totally have a thing for athletes..

And yes the title is so damn relevant this time. I know you propably don't care about my relationships, my sex life, etc, but I really have to do this.. I mean, obviously I have a thing for athletes, being a gym freak myself and addicted to anything that has sports in it, I couldn't not have one.. of course I'm not that low, I don't like only athletes but I prefer them, if I have to be ohnest.
My ex was (well still is) a professional basketball player, the guy here (we were only dating..) plays football and tonight I met this extremelly good looking guy who is a professional footballer. Well how nice huh? The thing is they are all younger than me! I mean wtf?
I don't see how I simply cannot attract any adults lately.. It used to be so funny but now starts to really annoy me. Oh wait, last night at the club I met St. and he is 26, so what's all the complaining about? For one thing I didn't like him and also he is too old for me.
I can't be satisfied can I? Hmmm...
It's not a good day for me, my ex is throwing a party and he invited me but oh, well I wouldn't go anyways.. Like I wasn't moody enough about this, I met this guy tonight and he is the same age, he seemed to like me too and is a sports pro. Ironic huh?
I can be really paranoid about my ex. Don't know why, doesn't even matter.. But how can I move on when I'm stuck with them?
...
This was one trashy trashy post.. But now I feel a lot better :)
I think I should propably go to sleep.
Nobody was awake to calm me down, so I made this post* REALLY SORRY =)

Hey Boy Hey Girl*

End of examsssss!!! Yeiii :) ..oh,and I passed my Physics exam! Maybe the only one I will but who cares? Exams are over and I am still happy ..happier of course and I like that.. Well I have my friends over tonight, we will go clubbing first and then they will come and sleep at my house!

See, I am making lots of effort to be nice, lovely, adorable and you know what, I actually like it!! The part I don't like is that I went to buy some things for my kitchen for breakfast. I wouldn't want to offer my mustard as breakfast, it woulnd't be polite to have nothing either. So I thought..what do normal ppl eat in the morning? And I bought two different types of juices and two different types of cookies. Well the lady at the supermarket -who totally adores me and I love her for that!- told me to buy a whole bunch of cookies,but told her I don't wish left-overs.. at all! She gave me that strange look and then told me about how important is breakfast and that I don't seem to eat breakfast and I do bad.. blah blah blahhhh.. but whatever..

So my kitchen just got dirty. And I'm at my room with a cup of cherry yogurt,217cals, which seems to be all around my house today. Oh, and I had a steak with grilled vegetables blood test is coming duh!

I also went to the gym for my tae bo class and tmrrw when the 3 girls leave I'm going to do some shopping. I bought a pair of ballerina's shoes from Uterque today, and since I found the perfect ring (long story short,my mom wanted to buy me a ring for my 18th birthday..I'm almost 20 hahaha) I'll buy it tmrrw. Oh and I need pillowcases too.

*by Chemical Brothers

Just making things clear..

Well hating is sth I just can't stand. Yes, I admitt being snob, I even have several posts about that and how I would like to change it although I sometimes like it, but I've never been a hater. Hating is all about you feeling better making fun of other ppl.. It is so low..

So please you people stop making fun of fat ppl. I mean seriously. Cut it. I have to say I was never considered fat, never been laughted at about my body even though what I think of myself is a disaster. But there are many friends of mine that have been dealing with fat comments and it's the most disturbing and hummiliating thing. Okay, this is only my opinion, but seriously I need to protect these ppl, I always have. This thing can destroy your psychology even more than pro-ana does, it can actually make you hate yourself forever, not until you reach perfection..
And because I strongly believe that thin equals perfection, doesn't mean everybody does or has to.. And even though starving myself is what I think of a diet, I will never make fun of someone who tries to loose weight but still eats. I'll never do that because some ppl aren't strong enough, or even better THEY HAVE LIVES. Good ones. And LOOOOVE to be happy and to eat with friends, etc. And not staying home alone even though they feel lonely. Just because I think of Ana as one of my friends, I'll never make fun of a bigger person.


This requires just the slightest of education, to know that making fun of ppl doesn't make you better..it makes you that smallest person, and you should feel at least guilty. I mean that. Seriously.

*Vinyasa Yoga night tonight! Also, dropped a size!!*

Do you remember? Cause I remember..

It's so nice to do whatever you want.. this freedom, I wouldn't change it for the world. Woke up this morning and felt so nice, actually I like this feeling, and it was gone for a while now.. I don't know how long it will last, but I'll try to make the most of it :)

I went for a walk with my friends, didn't actually shop something because I want to loose some more kilos before I get new clothes. Of course I told them I'm out of money as I have to get my luggage today, a travel folder for my netbook and my perfume. So they believed that instead. I've missed my perfume, Chanel Coco mademoiselle.. Of course Victoria's Secret Noir was good and I have nice memories of it too. I believe that perfume is sometimes the only thing capable to remind you of times in your life. I love the feeling when you smell sth but don't know what reminds you of, you just have the warm feeling of the smell..


My intake for today is about 1000 cals or maybe less.. I'm not sure cause I had a steak with vegetables for lunch and one morning coffee, 30cals, so I'm not sure.
I'm sure I'm not eating for the rest of the day,though. Just some cups of oolong tea, please *