Ignorance is bliss (the post)

The numbered post series is coming to an end with the emo/rant post. (quite long, rather boring)

You know, looking me as a person from a distance you can see two things:

• most people see this incredibly confident girl, with the big smile and the nice clothes, who has lived her teens to the fullest, travelled all around the world and (girls mostly) secretly wish to be like her. 
• but there are some people who see underneath this. they see a troubled girl with a fake smile, a shy and funny girl who tries to be perfect at all aspects but she's broken because something too troubling happened in her teens. somewhere between travelling around the world and living a very fortunate life, something intolerable for her happened. opinions vary: parents not loving her so much, anorexia, depression, a broken heart, suicide attempt, lesbianism (I've heard everything). 

But you know, I think I'm both these girls. Of course the incident that many people refer to isn't that clear. It's a mixture of a broken heart along with so little confidence. This past year so many things happened, both good and bad, and I'm struggling every day to find the perfect balance. I've mostly been a happy girl and I am really proud for achieving that. I'm not going to lie, two years ago I was so close to depression and I remember promising myself (you can probably find some posts in this blog) "you can go for three days straight and be happy" then "I wish I could feel happy for a week", etc. 

The reason why I chose to write such a post when I am supposed to be happy recently is that lately I'm getting so much hate/bad energy. Jealousy. And, to be honest, I don't think I deserve it. My friend is being really mean to me, some guys have been impolite (in a guys way) and I really haven't given them the right to do so. People don't react the normal way lately to me being single. Getting extra attention has bothered some of my "friends" and given some guys the right to act like I'm some sort of slut. The have this attitude like "well, you are single by choice, so you obviously like to fuck around". One of my dear girl friends said "you like to be some sort of mystery..like no one knows how to have you and you often are mean to guys, keeping everyone around". The fact that my commitment issues are bigger than (insert something really big here) doesn't seem to ring any bell. I obviously like to fuck around, at the same time I haven't had sex in like two years. Obvious slut, right?

I go out on dates, sure, I make out and get excited if I like someone and do everything a normal 22 year old does, it's just that I'm not comfortable to fuck any guy that buys me my cocktail. What is so wrong about that? If I meet a guy that I find interesting (not this prince charming shit, just a normal guy and not a freaking basket case) then I will definitely try a relationship. I get to decide though.

I don't understand why people are the way they are. Sure everyone has got their own problems, but why do they have to kick you down as soon as you start to feel nice? 

It's the first day

So to motivate myself (and probably others) I'm putting up here a photo at the start of the gluten free week. Now I don't know whether I'm keeping it up forever, but it will stay for a good seven days.

Here is me this morning, 60.8 kilos and on my third period day (excuse the massive panties, but we girls understand each other, right?).

due to certain difficulties explained on my previous post, I'm not saying this will be a 100% gluten free week. But I'm avoiding wheat for sure, something much easier to do here. Anyway, other than being toned, I hate how my stomach sticks out, my thunder thighs and the fact that anything I'd do won't bring out my collarbones.
But we'll see :)

xx

The diet post

So, despite the slight fever and the nausea that hits me almost every night lately (I'm not pregnant, it's just that I'm on my period I guess) I continue to make each and every post I've promised the past month. I did all my new ins, my goals, and now I present you: the DIET post.

I think it was this time last year when I decided to go vegetarian. Being anemic and all, it didn't last more than a month. I enjoyed the vegetarian dishes when I was out, but this is what I always order when I'm at a restaurant anyways. The easiness of cooking pasta at home was very catastrophic though. My blood tests were also affected so I had to abandon this ship pretty quickly.

And because every time I'm on exams my craziness hits me, this morning I decided to try going gluten free. While that sounds appealing, I must remind you I live on an island where the words hummus, ombre and apple store do not exist. So I can't find gluten free products or meals at the supermarket. I guess there are some products for the gluten free intolerants, but that could be highly expensive and maybe require an online order.

So, for a week, I will try and do that. I guess fruits, meat, plain yoghurt and rice is pretty much the gist. And if it all fails, I will try it again when university classes start, just to be sure that I can't do it :p

Any advice?

xx

Why today is a happy day

I decided to give this post a rather kindergarden title, because it was much needed. For the past four days (noticed I only posted new-ins, no words or news, huh?) I was feeling so so shitty. Everything felt moving, I couldn't smile and I was nauseous all the time. I got some bad news from people I love and care about, and combined to mine (bugs, exams, PMS) felt like a whole wall had fallen over me. I even had a little fever yesterday, but it wasn't something serious enough that a hot tea and bath couldn't fix.

Why today is a happy day.
I had my first exam this morning. Although I slept so little hours due to the neighbours and my fever, I did rather good on my test. I also saw some of my friends from uni, and some of my old friends (that I didn't want to speak to). I then went for a walk with Ka and we did some shopping. I got this for my living room from Zara Home (I love this store) and it smells amazing! I'm planning to get the smaller one for my bathroom too.
Then I found a pair of black skinny jeans on Zara- just like the ones I was looking for. It was among the maternity sales items and it was on my size! I guess someone has "hidden" it to find it afterwards (that is something I would do :p) So I got it for 15 euros and I'm very happy about this purchase.

Then a mechanic came to my home to bug-proof it even more, and I have to say I smiled after such a long time! I mean I'm not relaxed yet, but I'm having a good progress.

And afterwards, before I started studying, I decided to make the move. I ordered a bag off of amazon. Yes, it is a fake designer bag. Before you get judgemental, I will say that I wanted the bag for such a long time and that, of course the money is the main problem that I don't buy the original one, I couldn't possibly wear a real leather item. That is why I'm not buying the bag I wanted from Zara either. It's cow leather. So no.

Another reason to smile: the first smell of autumn. I'll take that!

Any guesses which bag it is?
hint: it's not a Chanel. I would never buy a fake Chanel. there are boundaries :p

xx

August purchases

This summer I did some serious shopping.
Here, the long promised platform sneakers, and a happy H&M shopping trip :)

H&M spike necklace. I've been wanting this for so long! 

also available in gold. (photo at my friend's house)

converse inspired H&M grey sneakers. they're actually really comfortable and for only 20euro you could consider getting the dark blue and the pink ones as well haha!

 (photo still at my friend's)

H&M mint green gardigan. I can't wait to for 

sweater weather! this has a vintage feeling which I love (photo my place)

my platforms!! okay, they're indeed difficult to match, 

I haven't worn them yet but I just love watching them lol (photo my place)

don't they look cute? I got them on sale too :)

that would be all
xx