21

Thank you for all your lovely wishes!! I admit a have a big smile on my face after reading your comments.

I turned 21! I finished my exams and I got to blow the candles twice! Me and E had a cake at the park yesterday night and some friends surprised me this afternoon by bringing two small cakes which each had a "1" and a "2" candles on them! I did not expect it at all and was really happy they thought of making this nice gesture :)

English exam was nice today, quick and painless and holidays are officially here! Of course I don't feel like holiday time cause I am still on birthday mood.

I also had some french fries, I must admit.

(I am sorry I have really fallen behind on my blog reading)

Oh, one more thing! Someone recommended the movie "Unmade Beds" and I'm sorry I do not recall who was it. I watched it and loved it! Freaking loved it!! It is as much British as it should, and I so liked the love story between Vera and the X-ray Man (and I don't like love stories much). The music was really good too! So, whoever you were, THANK YOU!

Vodka & Cranberry

Yesterday I celebrated my 21st birthday. At a club. I'm turning 21 on Tuesday and I am very happy about it! 21 is my lucky number and I am thrilled that on the 21st I'm turning 21! Silly, I know..

I often count years between my birthdays and not every New Year's Eve. That means I think about what I achieved and set my goals for the upcoming year.. Thinking back I am not pleased. I spent this year self hating, hating others and a bit crying..

On the plus side (I MUST think of the plus side always, and I have to remember that) I travelled to New York, I learned my health limits and reached a low and a high to my university life. I changed two different groups of friends and now I think I am with the people I actually could match with.

Forgetting this year, I look ahead.

On Thursday I'm flying to London for holidays, my collarbones and hip bones are showing more than ever, and even though I did not reach my goal weight, I am pleased that my top rib is showing. I have all summer to eliminate the damage this year has done to my grades and classes and I am ready to set goals and be the good student I used to.

I am thinking of taking a kick boxing class next year, find a boyfriend and work on expressing my feelings to the ones I love.

I still don't have internet connection, I will spend the night at E's so I have some time until she gets nosy and wants to see what I'm writing :)

My exams end on Tuesday (yes, on my birthday) and me and my friends will have some cake at the park with candles and stuff. Oh, that (cake eating) reminds me that last Friday I went to the beach! Yes, I got a bit of a tan and turned half brown half red lol. Next bikini day will be on Wednesday and I look forward to wear my new ruffle bandeau bikini :):)

Just something..

Yes, the internet connection has been down for a week. No, it has not come back yet. But! I have something for you..

Monday, 13 June

Still no internet connection(obviously) and I miss my blog. I miss my Tumblr account and all this web interaction. I miss you! My Thursday’s exam was such a disaster, I slept like an hour, woke up feeling nauseous and almost threw up in the classroom. No I did not do good either. I cried for almost three hours, until I was all dried out and my eyes were swollen from the crying/ not sleeping.

Weekend was good, I went out at a Starbucks to study with S, went for drinks with the girls and I was relaxed a bit. It’s such a lovely weather. Tomorrow I have my third exam and one more on Wednesday. Then I will have my English exam on my birthday and I’m done! I want so badly for this three days to pass.

In other news, I have been getting some compliments lately and it’s weird. My ex (the one before my ex) texted me last night. I like text messages, I’m so done with men hitting over Facebook.. what is it with that? It’s cheap and convenient, sure. And more impersonal. I hate it, really. So I was so pleased that he texted me on my mobile, even though I didn’t have his number (sorry about that!). We’ll meet during the summer I think. He asked me and I want to. I really had a nice time with him back then and did some first things, too. He also helped me through a tough period for me and I was kinda bitchy to him because of it. I regret it.

I ate too much today. It’s the only way to keep me on the chair studying. I feel guilty already but try not to think about it.. I need to finish revising and go to sleep at midnight. No more crazy cramming, my body can’t handle that. Oh, I also decided not to take the strong medication. My mom’s doctor gave me some other pills that will do and it’s just for this week. I’m so relieved about this.

I saw you two...

Thank you so much for all your support! I ended up sleeping 3 hours last night, just to absorb everything I had studied and woke up too early to revise. I did good! Not excellent but good enough, it was what I needed to start things up again! So yes, I'm pleased with that. The professor isn't very strict at exams so I may take a 7 after all :)

In other news, I am very pleased with my hair lately. I keep having good hair days and it really makes me wonder. Of course this is welcome to stay forever, I won't mind!

I'm also a little sad for a really stupid reason..it's just I hate people telling me I was such a nice couple with my ex. It hurts any feelings I had/may have for him that I know I shouldn't have by now. It just makes me think that we could have been indeed really nice together. Anyhow.

I don't want to get to know people better. That's why I suck at relationships. I mean it will end eventually so why bother get intimate with a person and then when he leaves end up crying over the pillow he last slept on? (I swear this never happened, I'm to apathetic to do that, but as an example..). It seems too painful.

On the other hand it's really nice to have a boyfriend who understands you as a friend too and lets you be the "real" you..

Uhm, I don't have time to think all of this right now, I have another exam tomorrow (!) so no more time to wander around..

*many of you tell me about frozen grapes and I can't wait to try them! I just can't find any nice ones, so when I do I will let you know how that went!

Just do it.

So my exam is tomorrow. It is 8 in the afternoon and I have so so many things to get inside my head. Probably won't be sleeping tonight. I can't, I have to prove (to myself, firstly) that I can succeed. I need this to keep me going.

This last year I have failed lots of exams. No one else is to be blamed but me. I have let myself down and my university confidence is so low.. I need to start again, even if it's too late now.. I know I can do this. I will do my best and then I will wait for the grade. I won't accept less than 7 (out of 10). Aiming low, I know, but it's too late for a 9..

I'm so happy I found my strength to study again. You can't imagine how much.

And I wanted to share this moment, with you :)

Wish me luck -I'm going to need it *