Go change.

Tonight I'm coming at you from my summer house. Yeah, I'm back home for a few days of relaxation, parent love, mom food and drinks with friends. Not so bad.
In fact, not bad at all.

I had a telephone interview as well. It's a very interesting position, so wish me luck! Life is good when you take some time off to charge your batteries.

such a weird feeling

And suddenly, I don't know what to do with myself. For almost all of the 25 years of my life I've been a student. I had planned my next step before finishing the previous one.

I am not enthusiastic, in general. Multitasking, however, keeps me motivated. Keeps me inspired. Working hard is the only way I know of living. And man, I've worked hard to finish my studies. But it's here. It's over. And now I'm a graduate/unemployed -depending on how pessimist people can be.

I will take some days off to relax; clear my mind and charge my batteries before the second winter in London. It should be an exciting one.

For now, I feel like I've been invited to a grown-up party but I'm not allowed to drink. It's like a can almost blend in, but not yet.

Inspiration

There are times, many times, that I miss my old self. The one who managed to stay focused, to have discipline, to wake up on an empty stomach and feel bliss. Sure I was ill and too much inside my head; at the same time feeling powerful and in control is one of the best feelings. Maybe some of you understand this.

These times I try to find ways to inspire myself, without trigger any kind of 'fall back'. I make some ice tea (vanilla rooibos, for those who wonder) and scroll through my Tumblr.

Stylish girls, clean lines and neutral colours.
My mind relaxes and I feel like some part of this self is still inside me.

Summer in black

Did I tell you I turned 25?
It was back in June, a Sunday like today. I used to post all my resolutions on the day of my birthday here. I think this is the second year I didn't. Mainly because I don't have any?

There are things that need to be done. These are my resolutions, but I don't know if these are my goals... I struggle to find inspiration, I struggle to find motivation. But this place has always been my safe place. A place so public but at the same time secret/sacred. I've shared too many things with you. I've read your thoughtful comments, I've read your posts. I've made so many drafts with my negative thoughts, until I found the strength to make a positive one and post about it.

This summer is so different from what I was used to. Stuck in London with a dissertation to write, with no true friends and feeling distant from my old friends back on the island. Battling with anxiety, with image issues, with the realisation that I'll soon have to face the 'real world'.

But I promised this post contains some positive thoughts, so here are three beautiful things that happened during summer, so I don't forget and dive into my negativity.

1. My birthday was better than expected. I had fun swing dancing with some people I met at a pub, then on the day I went to a terrace drum n bass party with my sister and some friends. I was very excited, although missing my old friends.

2. I went for four days to Ibiza. It was my first time there, and it was amazing. Battling with bikini fear, I had some moments but all in all it was a great experience and a much needed break from London.

3. I am now wearing contact lenses. I don't know how could I've been so stupid and choose to be 'blind' all these years. I mean I hate glasses, so with my -1.00 I never bothered to do something about it. It is not easy at first, but I feel much more present now. Maybe that sounds stupid, but I really feel more present in my everyday life. Plus I get to experiment with different colours -because why not.

Magic

Well, long time (really long time) no see.

I have been m.i.a for such a long time I forgot how to make a proper post. So I'll just right my thoughts down and update you, and hope someone is still reading this and maybe remembers me. I am still doing my master's degree, which I hate. Still in London, which I love and wouldn't change it for the world. And I'm still in need of vacation.

The master is not going well, to be honest. I find it difficult and in some aspects, boring. But my dissertation would be awesome, so I am really excited for this! If I try to look on the bright side, I always do very well at working with people, and least well on exams. But work is all that matters in the end. As long as I get my degree, I can forget every tear that I cried this year (melodramatic I know, but I struggle). Mid of May I start my project and that's all I am looking forward to.

Also, I am changing my eating habits a bit. I am trying to stay healthy with limiting the binging incidents (hello, Dominos).
So for two weeks now, I try to keep a vegetarian/vegan lifestyle in the house, and then have anything I feel like when I'm out to dinner- which doesn't happen that often. I am NOT going vegan or vegetarian due to health issues, and honestly because I don't feel like limiting my options. But staying healthy in the house (where the binging happens) is really important. Thinking about it when I grocery shop, or when lunch time has come, keeps me from a lot of 'trouble'.

So, morning smoothies and coffee, big salads and nuts, almond butter with dates (this is heaven) and lots of fresh fruit. Sweet potato 'fries' and lemon water. Lots of lemon water. And I feel healthy.

Let's see if beauty truly comes from within
(hint: it really does).