When no one really cared

I am sitting at my desk half an hour now, looking at the blank page, listening to music. I think if I continue to look at it, I could see right through. I feel like my mind is numb. I've obviously stopped crying. Trying to keep busy, I switch bags between lab and gym, eat/bathe/sleep. It works.

But then there're these fucking moments. When I'm waiting for the bus. While I'm walking to the gym. While waiting by the centrifuge for my experiment. That's when I think about him. He opened Pandora's Box. He made me think back. Every memory I have been trying to delete or hide away is brought back. And I'm sad.

Not that I've been a happy person. No. Not even when I was with him. When we were 'together'. I don't want to go out tonight. I don't want to talk to anyone I know. If only I could just go out with a stranger.. it would be much easier. Sit at the bar, drink and stare at each other. He couldn't see why I'm hurt. He wouldn't realise how fucked up I have become.

I need some sushi.
Something I can't get on this fucking island.
I mean, come on