Oh, the irony

Exams are over. Followed by 24 hours of nothing to do, I put my rings on, promising my self the past is o-v-e-r. New semester, new gym, new goals, new everything. And right around the corner, while walking and laughing with my friends, there he is, talking to his phone.

Our eyes connected, I swallowed hard and kept walking. My knees were so weak, and as I tried to walk more quickly, I felt the pain reaching my heart. My friends were trying to keep up with me pacing so quickly, I wanted to get out of there, out of his sight. My head was burning: he hasn't changed much, his sunglasses were the same as back then, was I wearing nice clothes?, what about my hair?, I've gained some weight since then, is he dating?... I was shivering and smiling, repeating to myself, everything's okay. Only once again have I ever felt that way; two years ago, when we met again at the same place. Two years ago. Same place. Same feelings. But back then I was the one talking on the damn phone.

An hour later, I was just numb. Sitting on the far end of the couch at the cafe, not talking, but not shivering either. Trying to remember everything; forget everything. I couldn't decide. The night came and unrelated facts made me forget about all this.. I was smiling again and drinking, stayed out until 5 in the morning.

Waking up to a silent Sunday noon, I was only making coffee, when I saw the inbox. No, that can't be him. But it was. Seven messages, at 4.40am last night. I was out, and he was thinking of me. He actually inboxed me. "Hey...how are you? I think I saw you yesterday, I'm not sure, it's been so long after all. I was on the phone, so I couldn't come say hi, I wasn't sure either; was that you? If not, sorry."

I couldn't believe it. Coffee wasn't ready yet and I was trying simultaneously to wake up and not to get my hopes up. I couldn't tell anyone. I wanted to share it with half the city though. "You will answer, and that will be it. He won't text you back, just like old times. Because no, things never go THAT good. Not for you", a little voice kept telling me..

And you know what? That little voice was damn right.
My eyes are water-y this whole day. It's not even logical.

Just that. All day

Update:
Monday afternoon, still crying.
this is ridiculous.