To sum up.

So I get the feeling I have become kinda monotonous. Sorry about that.. it's really really not intended. But I am really at this point in my life where I have to move forward. But not just yet. You see, last semester (second year of my university life) I went through some kind of depression, who a lot of you witnessed, due to a health issue I had. Okay.. and a mental one, as I was stupid enough not to take my pills for one whole year. So these past five months I had been doing NOTHING. I didn't want to go out, meet people, go to my classes or shopping. It was a really unhappy and miserable time I admit.

SO after Christmas holidays I promised myself and promised you that all this crap is over. Oh, but wait..wait, exams! So yet another month of misery right? Guess what, on Friday exams are over and I putting my life in order.

Of course I have set many goals for this year.. I enjoy being busy.

So count with me. University classes, previous classes I failed (sorry, mom), driving license (just 6 more lessons to go!), lifeguarding license (it was about time), yoga class twice a week (I missed them all) and of course gym. Okay, I may not have become a personal trainer, as I was dreaming, but I will stay as close as I can.

Oh, and New York holidays! :)

This tight-ass schedule has two purposes. First keeping me distracted from eating so I can finally manage the 54 by march. Second preventing myself from thinking. I cannot handle it anymore. I have to fill my days with activities so I don't go crazy.

How pathetic is that?

Intake: 672

Scale number: 58.1

Days to go: 74days, 05hours,15mins, 12sec

p.s thank you, Isabelle, for your lovely comment. I wish I could follow you back but I really don't know anything about BlogLovin(?) so I can't keep up with you :(

black and simple .

perfection

Stars die too, you know

Shall I post or go back to study stupid chemistry? Fuck it, I will post.

Ugh, I don't believe I actually were to study this thing.. anyway I have a terrible headache today plus I couldn't get out of bed to do my work out. I'll fix that before bed time :)

So the last two days were good I guess, intake-wise.

Friday: 801 - Saturday: 955 - Sunday: 1017

well okay, as long as I stay under 1000..(?)

I have already told you about my new obsession, right? black tops. Only black tops. They make me feel so much better.. I like the way my hair falls on black, I like how pale my face looks, I like how my necklace stands out. Oh, and I want to get a cross necklace (like the second one of the photos?). It looks so mysterious.. I never was a fan of multicolour apparel anyway.

I know I'm just rambling. On Friday exams end, I'm so looking forward to it. I mean gym, FOR FUCK'S SAKE! Oh, I'm swearing too much today, it's not quite polite.

Black * black is pure, nothing can mess with black.

Except white, which always screws things over..

Coconut dreams

Weight day, weight day!

so this morning my scale showed 58.3 (128.2 pounds?)

well the past ten days I have been from 57.4 to 58.5 and it's getting really annoying you know! Anyway as I have said before (hello, new followers*) I will be posting every Monday& Friday my weight and the days left until my trip to New York.

The goal is to reach 54 by March. That is almost a month before New York so I can get it down as much as I can and tone up.

Now that I said tone up, determinedGirl asked about the youtube video I'm practising on every morning. It's right on the link below, and these girls have an amazing channel on youtube! It gives me so much courage to see that the perfect abs exist and it's Karena's!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6ZTzUEtPTI&feature=related

Oh and I went to update my gym membership and guess what! A new spinning class!! I haven't tried it, but back at my hometown's gym (rather posh, and I was too young to do spinning back then) it was a huge deal to attend. It really works out your booty, so I am DEFINITELY going to try it when exams end. If someone has try it please opinions below- they would be much appreciated :)

..days until NY

77days, 06hours, 00mins, 7sec

"Coffee and Smokes, and Cold Diet Cokes..

..that's what pretty girls are made of."

To be honest, I don't know if I agree with that totally twisted little re-made poem from Powerpuff Girls (as in "sugar and spice and everything nice"?). I mean that's the way to skinny down, but what about your skin health? Your hair? Your breath?

Anyway.. I have found a video on youtube with great abs workout, there are a lot actually but it took me a couple of months to find what I like best, and decided I would start my day with that. I mean every day. I still have to wait half an hour in the morning for the water to heat so I can have a decent bath so why lying in bed waiting when I can wear my tights and do some exercise? I know I won't matter.. I will tell you how that goes!

Tomorrow is weight day 1 so please please be nice to me I PROMISE the number will dramatically decrease in a few weeks. I was talking to a friend telling him about the lifeguard thing and he told me "oh, please come to our beach because last year we had a kinda fat lifeguard girl, it was silly". And told him that he is such a loser, because now I would have to diet until July so I wouldn't be laughed at too. So he told me I was insane and he was saying exactly the opposite, and made me promise I won't loose any weight..

Yeah, right. You'll see, my friend.

Today's intake: 1064

wow I cannot keep it down! what is the matter with me?

I know, I eat TOO FREAKING MUCH.

So I have to go finish my studying for tmrrw. I really suck at ecology. I do.

Have a wonderful night you all*

Nobody breaks my heart

You know how every title in my posts has nothing to do with the rest of it. I always put something random fact for that certain day that means something to me but not that important so I should make reference to.

Today's intake: 1123

double yesterday's calories and I'm there. I can't handle it though and on Friday is weight day 1. Shit. I will do much better tomorrow. Promise.

SO another skinny fact (after collarbones): no boobs.

well I have to admit maybe I can live with that. That's what push-up bras are for. I noticed mine have got a little bit smaller. I just wish they were the last thing to get smaller -and not the first.

Anyway I love bandeau bikinis, so I would look good on them by summer.

Some other random thing. Someone has moved in downstairs. We are all girls here and I'm really surprised by a man's voice. The building is too old to be sound proof so I overheard a phone call he made at the stairs. It kinda freaked me out.

He was talking to his mom, apparently, asking her money about food and cigarettes and kept yelling at her that he is all wasted but clean from drinking and he just needs money. Yes, you can see what I am thinking right? I really hope he is a guest here, some girl's wasted boyfriend.

I know I can get really suspicious in general. We'll see..

Oh and one of my friends broke up with her boyfriend because she wasn't in love. When she told me "I just want to fall in love and he wasn't the one" in such a calm and definite way I almost felt bad for her. I seem to have a twisted opinion about love. That it doesn't exist and if it does and it's the awesome feeling everyone's talking about, soon it will break so hard before your eyes and leave you forever in misery.

Yes, I wish someone could change my mind. But oh well, I can always be the little girl who is afraid of relationships and feelings and just pretend I am not.

Black coffee and green tea till bed time -and that's a lot of hours.

Think thin