Bounce.

I use my scale every single morning lately.. And now I'm a kilo down. Luckily. Of course that's no good cause today I binged.. like, a lot. Then felt sooo guilty and did 30 minutes of yoga and 3.15 mins of excercising rope (well that's how long "toyfriend- david guetta" lasts) and got really sweatty.

So now with all the stupid caffeine I fear of getting visible cellulite. This is the one thing I'm proud to be able to handle. My legs are really toned because until I was like 6 I always walked on my tip toes and have been excercising ever since. Of course I'm not happy with them -at all!! I personally think they look fat, along with my whole body, and that's why I'm so freaked out. So I looked at my butt at the mirror and just pushed it with my hand. DISASTER! It's not visible yet but by June it will be visible by satellites if I don't do sth fast.


Hmm..other news

I found out my term exams end on June 18th so on the 23rd I'm flying to London!!! I'm so much excited! I always have great time there, and of course lots of shopping :)
So now I really have to get that scale moving..summer 2010 has to be stress free and -if I may add- AWESOME!! haha.. apparently this summer lots of styles are in, and I already picked mine so I need to look fab *


Bills. That's another thing that bothers me lately. It's not that big deal,I'm a money saver too, so it's not that I don't have the money to pay them. It's just that a have to run to the post office and they surely don't come all together..So now I have phone and water for Monday.


Oh I could really use your opinion here.. Being so freaked out about blowing up like a balloon till my period comes I'm thinking about taking some laxatives. Of course I have never needed any of these cause I don't have such problem so I was thinking if they're stronger pills and less strong for this.. Idk I guess that will be me looking around for a new drug store cause I don't want to get anyone suspicious if I go and buy a pack of laxatives and an anti cellulite cream. Right?


*come, come baby, come be my toyfriend, let me play with you*
(oh and btw a freaked out post about boyfriends is coming up.. I've been thinking a lot lately but did not want to ruin this one with my crazy thoughts..so be prepared and I'm soo sorry in advance LOL)

Purple is always sexy..

I went this morning to buy my new pills. At last. My hands are shaking and of course I know many reasons why this is happening now.. so, I came across a nice surprise -at least I think. They are not pills, they're chewable tablets or sth like that. And actually two each day!! So every morning and night I'll have sth to chew or lick..and if it has a good flavor (pleeeease!!) I'll have sth more to distract me from eating :)


I realised another thing this morning: I am going insane! (even more than I used to be..and yes that is even possible)
Due to these crazy hormones which apparently are still holding back my period, I'm hot and I'm cold (literally and metaphorically) I'm yes then I'm no, I'm in then I'm out, I'm up and I'm down !!
My mood changes so fast, my body blows up and then just sucks in and I realised I've gained a whole kilo.. omg! This last one better be because my period is soon to come or otherwise I'll cry. For real.



So I've spent these few days watching thinspo movies..
I first saw THIN. I liked it,kinda. It's more of a documentary and it's really motivating.
Then I saw SHARING THE SECRET. Well this one was my favorite. The girl is extemely beautiful and the story was really interesting. I loved it!
The last one was FOR THE LOVE OF NANCY and I really really didn't like it. Like there wasn't a story, and the girl was kinda annoying.. I'm sorry but all she was doing was to avoid eating (at all) and yelling. I mean I thought maybe she didn't have just an ED cause she didn't binge and she was acting weirdly.
Anyway, this is my opinion about the movies, and I would definitely recommend the second one. You can watch them all on youtube, they're cut in 10 parts each. :)

Separated with a comma..

Have you ever asked yourself "where did all the love go?"
I know I have. And lately I'm convinced: love doesn't exist.. And as cruel as this may sound, I have made up my mind.
Of course I don't believe in love, maybe because I am not able to feel it. Or not. Never mind..


Today I went shopping.. I got back home with a salad, two apples and a bowl of strawberries. Oh, yes, you guessed right, I went clothe's shopping. Didn't find anything that I liked. I also bought an excercising rope.

I'm not feeling well, I got ready two times since I came home to go out again -one for the gym and one for starbucks studying- and when I got out of the door I decided I'd better stay inside. Things are not okay, I think. And my friend called to go out for coffee I told her I want to study.. So I practise with my rope ever since. :)
And yes, maybe all this situation has caused the problem I was talking about at my previous post, or just the opposite.. don't really know.


One thing I'm sure about :
ONE DAY I WILL LIVE AT LONDON
..I know that. I love this city so much, I go there two times a year but it's not enough. I want more.. I'll go there after my birthday so I'm looking for cheap tickets. I love LONDON as much as I love travelling as much as I love the feeling of my empty stomach. -see..I love a lot of things after all-


Hmm.. such a lousy post

With a glittered blue star on my left hand..

I have been indoors all day today. I hate Sundays, but I've told you that already..
Caffeine has replaced my blood today, I'm sure about that. I try to study but I am not going to finish what I've planned for today.. well it wasn't a study plan I could stick to at my first "study-study" day, anyway.
I also cancelled what I had planned for tonight, to avoid wine and maybe food. I actually wanted to go, but if I decide sth it's too difficult to change my mind. Pity..


*there's one thing bothering me the whole week, and it's kinda weird to talk about. Okay..so my period didn't show up this month (I'm waiting 5 days now and this is extremely unusual for me). And I know for sure I'm not pregnant -hello! single for so long- and I'm even more sure than I'm not anorexic enough for this to stop my period.. the funny part is that I'm not even moody and I don't have the symptoms of PES in general.
So I'm asking: wtf is going wrong??

I also had my blood test results this Easter and I'm as healthy as I can be (which isn't very much but oh,well..) and from tmrrw I'm starting medication with new pills! Hope they are nicer than my last ones, even though I sort of liked them..


Oh, I went to take my CellBiology book from this store and inside the book (which actually weights 3 kilos) there was a pair of paper 3D glasses.. the lady who gave it to me was soooo excited about them haha.. I was like do you want them?I don't even know what I'm supposed to see with them anyway..


I know I'm not trying hard on this lately but I really really have to get my scale on moving downwards already!! And waiting for my period prevented me from going to the gym, but I'm not going to wait any more. Tmrrw I'm going to the gym even if it is only for one hour.

OoOoOhh! I forgot my tablet in the kitchen..wait..
well I'm taking these tablets -you know these things that look like big pills and they're melting inside a glass of water..- for 14 days, 3 a day, that promise to reduce fat off your body. I know these things never work but I wanted one of these programmes to help me focus on my goal. Well the morning one tastes like orange, then with the lunch there is an apple-flavoured and at night -the one I'm taking now- is berry. Apparently this one is the worst but I got used to it..kinda.


I love shorts..I didn't always but now I find them super stylish! Matched with sandals and nice hair you can look always awesome..of course I'm not ready yet to show my legs to the world-lol- and I have the best excuse ever: laser! I can expose my legs to the sun only when my birthday is coming. 21 June. Which gives me lots of time to get ready!!
:D

A million miles from here..

Finally today I feel like everything is back in order..

-an extreme shock at my maths exam this morning;that is what I needed. Let me explain, I COMPLETELY failed.. I mean, I even forgot simple things (even though it was rather difficult in general) I spent one and a half hour just looking at these stupid 5 problems. Of course I knew I wouldn't write a single thing from the start, but I just took the chance to think for a while. I was so embarrashed to leave really early because I came late already, so I just sat in there..waiting.. and thinking..-


So I think from today I'm back in the game. I feel really powerfull and ready to keep my strict diet I used to have..
Today (as Saturday) I ate a low fat yogurt, a salad and a low fat berry mufin with a fresh orange juice. And that's it. Now my stomach makes all these grumping and yelling I sooo love and soo missed!!

Oh, and I studied! Not maths, of course... I studied BioChemistry and until Wednesday it is the only thing I'll study. Yeah..yeah.. exam! Hope this time I will go prepared enough :)


Of course the actual reason for my lack of studying is that I went to a garage concert the night before.. oups!! I really really did not want to go at first, but I had such a great time. No beer of course and it was so freaking cold but it was so cool..