It's August already.

This week was awful. Like proper awful. I was working daily 8-10 hours at the laboratory, non stop, and I was feeling so blue. Lonely, stressed, afraid (of what?), tired. I kept waking up to nightmares and feeling sad just by taking the bus to university every morning. But now my experiments are over and I feel so relieved. I have two more days or so in there, to make some graphs and then I'm off of there. I had an amazing year with these people, it feels like yesterday when I was so excited but anxious about starting my work there. I will be forever grateful about meeting these scientists, who not only made my year but taught me some life lessons as well. They are also my connection to doing my internship in London on March 2014, which I can't wait.

Holidays? No can't do. I have my exams in 28 days. I feel like this period of time is about testing my patience. I try to stay calm and don't think about summer, cocktails, family time or enough sleep. I don't have time for that. I will hopefully have a relaxed autumn, which I prefer.

But lately I've been feeling like my style has finally come together. I like trying different things and I'm always on the look for edgy styling. My nails have grown so much, I'm proud of that as well. I have painted them dark blue. No, I don't like summer-y colours on my nails. It's always dark- never black.
Other things that make me happy in this hectic period? Hmm. Morning coffee, some geeky laughs about my mice, silver midi rings, mom's lemonade (I still have some left), sandals, random texting with a guy, waking up to an empty stomach.

xx

All seems blue-rr

There's a time when you amaze yourself of how put-together you look. Summer is here, yet I am on a 24/7 schedule, while almost everybody else is vacationing. Lab work, a job, diet, some boys, an Asos haul.
Most of the days you will find me smiling and telling nice things to everyone; truth is, I am scared of myself. I don't like this normal thing, I feel uncomfortable. Maybe this is all new, so I'm staying strong. In other news, one kilo is lost this week, yet I refused to go to the beach today. My ED is really coming back the days when I'm so freaking busy(when was really gone though?), which is weird but also very helpful. This is the time when I'm loosing the weight, you'll see.

With the wonderful news that I passed a very difficult exam last June, I have only 5 more for August. Five more, and I take my fucking degree. Well I can't graduate even if I pass everything this August (non achievable thing), cause on March I'm moving to London for three months for practise work. And I'm so looking forward to it. SO MUCH.

the lovely India Rose

blurry kisses,
annamaria *

p20

I was gone. Did you notice? I don't remember when was the last time I posted, but I wouldn't bother to check on that either. Long time has passed; exams have passed, although they were an epic fail. My birthday were okay, I guess. They were, to put it straightforward, a happy birthday. No more, no less. Certain people were missing from it, but it's okay. Everything's okay, I've grown up.

Did I tell you, I met someone. One who could possibly take my mind off this fucked up situtation I had put myself into. We met at Starbucks, where we were both studying for exams. He's sweet. But. There's always a but, it seems. He figured out very soon that we are boyfriend/girlfriend. So soon that I couldn't even breathe when I realised it. I did the normal thing though: talked to him. We said we'll keep in touch and discuss it in August, when we will meet again. It looks normal, and it scares the fuck out of me. I decided to role-play 'normal' this semester, just to see what happens.

I also should have you know I lack enthousiasm lately.
Other than that, I am well.
And possibly back.

I'm thinking of a Happy Birthday

Right this moment.

When everything in your life belongs to yourself, no one else. When you have so many people around you to care about and care for you. When you are just a student in this whole fucking world. When the sun is going down, and you listen to this song. When the guy outside your window is another student; you see each other every day yet you'll never meet. When you have so much to think about, dramas and happy moments. When your exams are the most stressful thing; and the reason to meet new people- who knew. When the wind blows through your hair.

When you smile every day.

Then, you play it on repeat.
You care of nothing.
You are happy.
You're turning 23 tomorrow.
:)

The wind blows

Another exam period shot to hell. That seems to be some kind of skill, I have, to run everything of the most importance during exam period. Like taking a pregnancy test. This was the most scary thing I've done for a really long time. It was negative, but if my period doesn't come I'm not going to calm down. Paranoia is a common symptom to a biology student during the finals, you see.

I'm also a little feverish since Saturday. Well, you know, the minute I convinced myself to diet, my immune system thought it wasn't such a good idea. I'm used to that by now though; my ED trying to keep me starved while my aneamia is begging me for energy for my body to function. I do both weekly and manage to lose well, NOTHING but my temper.

In a more shiny note, I saw The Great Gatsby. Oh, how magical it was! I enjoyed everything: the music, the colours, the time that was filmed, Leonardo. The story (which I didn't know) is a great love story, nothing more, but to be honest I was more than fine with that. I may read the book over summer as well, just to compare.

I went for a drink after the movie, so I'm starting studying a little late..but oh well.

xx