I am happy today. I am definitely happier now that I am back to eating just a special K bar and plain coffee for breakfast and not philadelphia bagels and chocolate chips cookies -my god. Back to feeling dizzy and weak. It makes me happy to see my already baggy clothes fall on me without my belly holding them.. I love these little silver dots I see when I stand up. Have you seen them? It's magic (I know it's also a hint to eat or lie down but I've missed them so much).
Maybe I should let you know that I am aware of this situation. I know the paragraph I just wrote is pure craziness. But as long as my head doens't hurt and I don't fall to the floor, why is it so wrong to feel good about myself? Sadly this is the way for me.
In a couple of hours I am meeting two friends for lunch at TGI Friday's. Am I nervous? Not a lot. I know what to order and what to avoid. But let's face it. It's suicide for my stomach no matter what I eat. I don't mind because (I have written this so many times) I must find the good side of everything and stay happy.
It's not about me anymore. I'm hurting the people who love me -cause I've realised there are some people who love me, yes. So it's basically about them. If I deserved to be loved then they don't deserve what I am doing to them. I will stay happy for as long as I can and everyone will be okay no?
You know that first paragraph was craziness and I know it too, and I'm thinking it's probably almost equally as crazy that I am jealous of your day and your dizziness and silver dots...
ReplyDeleteI hope you had a good lunch with your friends honey,
Love AJ xx
It is so nice to be empty and pure isn't it?
ReplyDeleteI'm super jealous you are able to do that..in 3 weeks I'll be home and right there with you..floating away
xoxo
I love the little silver dots too, we can all be crazy together
ReplyDeletexxo